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Tape 14 opens with what I can only describe as an audio endurance test. Our slow-talking, never-named narrator yawns his way into a conversation about Bootstuck’s latest developments—if you can call them that. We’re introduced to the annual Carve-Off, a celebration of, well, carving... though the categories are as off-kilter as everything else in Bootstuck. Caleb will be carving wood, naturally, while Dave has committed to carving spaghetti. Yes. Spaghetti. Apparently, you'll have to be there to see it, which seems like an intentional threat at this point.

And then things get even more unhinged. Enter John Maximum, Bootstuck’s only known real estate agent, who visits annually to hand out calendars and gift baskets to residents. His pitch: invest in Bootstuck’s highly valuable roadside acorns and pinecones, which are apparently the backbone of the local economy. Acorns with intact tops seem to hold particular prestige, though no one—not even the narrator—fully understands why.

The episode, if you can call it that, spins completely off the rails with an attempt to set up a transatlantic communication system using a bean can and a soup can connected by string. Predictably, it's declared incompatible. Things spiral into what I can only describe as an improvised, off-key acorn anthem before the tape mercifully cuts out.

At this point, I’m not sure if I’m being toyed with, trolled, or slowly indoctrinated into the Church of Bootstuck. Regardless, I’m still listening... against all better judgment.

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