The most anticipated literary event of our time: the publication of The Mueller Report, the full, uproarious, and Totally Fake findings of Robert Mueller’s investigation into the election of President Donald J. Trump, leaked to the Very Biased and Highly Unemployed comedy writer Jason O. Gilbert by an anonymous, Deep Throat-esque source known only as “Melania T”.

The Mueller Report is 2018’s most anticipated release that doesn’t involve Chris Pratt punching a dinosaur, and for good reason: The entire country is waiting to see what former FBI director and current special counsel Robert Mueller has dug up on former mail-order steak salesman and current US president Donald J. Trump. That wait is over - sort of - with the publication of The Mueller Report by Jason O. Gilbert.

Leaked to Gilbert by an anonymous White House source who goes only by the mysterious code name “Melania T.”, The Mueller Report is a hilarious inventory of the dirt, grime, and Big Mac crumbs that the special counsel has collected on President Trump during his months of investigation. Filled with interview transcripts, intercepted phone calls, incriminating emails, text exchanges, ALL-CAPS TRUMP TWEETS WITH SPELING ERRORS, and more, it whisks listeners from the leaky White House to an even leakier Ritz-Carlton hotel room in Moscow, from Donald Trump Jr.’s covert meeting with Russians in Trump Tower to Michael Cohen’s secret sale of a Trump Tower apartment to a shell corporation called Oligarch LLC.

And, for the first time, you’ll find out what really happened in that Moscow Ritz-Carlton hotel room between Donald Trump and two well-hydrated Russian escorts. NOT GOOD!

Unlike the Trump presidency, The Mueller Report is so much fun you won’t want it to end. Order your copy now, while books are still legal in America!