My conversation with him was done at the request of the Tsuutina Tribal police. A police service that transformed itself over these past 20 years. At the same time those children within my community are now in their thirties with families of their own. it took their lived experience with a tragedy of seeing their friends being exploited by this monster to help heal each other. Yes, Nathan Chasing Horse did divide us; however, it was I believe the consistency of this young women's support group that made a huge difference. Yes, I believe there are still people from here who continue following Nathan's teachings. I am not one of them nor at the time I attended his ceremonies did I ever offer him tobacco. If anything my family taught me as they turned away from my warnings was just of easy it was for them to lie for Nathan, as if this was his will. Not once considering its' their own judgements or understanding of self worth guiding through Creators' will, I said to my niece, her retracking her disclosure is on her head. She didn't understand and how could she understand consent when throughout her short lived life so many people took away her ability to understand what she was consenting to do 20 years ago people never offered me tobacco, but now that I am an elder I am gifted with this sacred medicine when people visit me or invite me.

Most do not like my truths and that fine as I tell them, I have a voice, a voice denied my parents, my grandparents and all my relatives. Those who I trigger walk out on my talks and those who hold space for me invite me back.

Women ask me why I never got involved in any sexual relationship and that I need to discuss this decision with others so they get it. This will need to be left for another podcast but I do mention lateral violence. I sometimes think family and people ive grown up with think because Ive never had a partner that its fine for them to treat me mean. I think they think I am damaged goods. As a cousin says, are you not afraid people will not believe you,. You see this is my point about gifting tobacco. I accept it knowing that the individual gifting me this sacred space needs only the plain truth and nothing but the truth. My late father, uncles and grandfathers would advice me to tell the truth. they said don't be afraid to ask questions cause all they could do is say no. Its this abandonment once rejected by a lover that prevented me from putting myself in such a outcome where I would feel heartaches. I am so grateful for all those women who continue to hold space for me and accept me for all my flaws. I also appreciate all those men who are good active listeners. without their intimacy of holding sacred space for me I would never gift them with my perspective on femineity. Especially indigenous femineity when so much continues to be taken from us and from out communities.