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Hello Friend,

You’re probably not as much of a “hot head” as I am.

I have times when my rage-o-meter goes from zero to one-hundred so fast that I don’t know what happened. Not only do I scare myself in those moments, but I also upset others. I want to do better, but I haven’t known how to change. Recently, though, I’ve been discovering some tools that are helping.

So, if you ever feel like your feelings can yank the steering wheel out of your hands and swerve you around recklessly, let me share a few thoughts.

• Feelings themselves aren’t good or bad

I used to think being angry meant I’d failed, feeling sad meant I wasn’t tough, and jealousy meant I was immature. I’m learning that feelings (as opposed to the actions I take based on those feelings) are just helpful information.

An event happens and then we have reactions to it in the form of thoughts and feelings. The emotions part of the equation gives us information. This is a cheat sheet someone shared.

Happy = Life is good

Sad = I’m experiences a loss (big or small, real or imagined)

Angry = I want something to be different

Guilt = I feel I should have behaved differently

Shame = I feel that I be different as a person (A dangerous feeling)

I love this explanation of anger because seeing it as a signal that I want something to be different prompts me to ask “What do I want to be different?”. And it feels empowering to think about what I do want (rather than just what I don’t like), and then to ask for it.

• Name it to tame it

Naming a feeling engages the “advanced” part of our brains which helps us get back into control. I don’t mean we need to control how we feel, but that it helps us respond choicefully to the situation. It sounds simple to name an emotion but many times I have no idea what I’m feeling. I just know I don’t like it. A couple of things are helping.

Journaling

To get more in touch I’ve been journaling for the last couple of years. It’s been so helpful that my husband, David, can tell if I’ve been disciplined about it or not. (I get crankier when I haven’t been consistently processing life in a journal.)

App

And a friend shared a free app called “How We Feel.” The app prompts me to check in a couple of times a day and choose from a list of emotions. It also allows me to enter what I’m doing, where I am, and who I’m with. I am not only learning how many different emotions I have in a day but also starting to see patterns so I can make shifts.

If you’ve developed greater “emotional regulation,” I’d love to hear what has worked well for you!

And if you're still struggling, I hope these tools bring you as much encouragement as they do for me.

Warmly, Lisa

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Hi Friend,

Sometimes I look in the mirror and focus on the deepening wrinkles across my face. Other times I notice that I move slower on the tennis court than I used to. I imagine the future and what it will feel like to ride the rest of this curve.

If you’re like me, you may occasionally feel “blue” when you consider how little time you have here. Even if we are very fortunate, it won’t be long until we’re looking back on our nearly-completed lives and taking stock.

I know what I hope I will be able to say at that time.

1. I have a great relationship with my Creator and feel peaceful about what will come next.
2. I’ve used my unique combination of resources, talents, skills, passions and experiences to make life better for others (especially those I’m closest to).
3. I’ve had beautiful relationships and reveled in the joy of the journey.

When I start to feel sad about having finite days, I try to remember that until my last breath I can still be useful. Thankfully wrinkles don’t prevent me from sharing an encouraging word with a struggling friend or from handing my jacket to someone living on the street in the cold. But right now I long for clarity on just how to be maximally useful. I think having a sharper definition of that would help me organize my time, find satisfaction in a focussed pursuit, and see the difference I might make.

For that reason, I’m going into the locker room for “halftime.” In sports, halftime is that pause at the midpoint of the game to assess how it’s going. It’s a break to make plans for playing the next period even better than the first.

In life, as I take time “off the field,” I’ll be meeting periodically (through Halftime Institute) with a small group of people who are asking a similar question, “How do I use what’s at my disposal to make the impact I’m on this earth to create?”

I wanted to share because as I take this break I don’t plan to podcast as frequently. And I may write to you a little less often. But with your permission, I’d love to stay in touch. At a monthly(-ish) cadence, I’d like to share my journey, hear about yours, and continue learning with you.

In the meantime, I hope you are thriving!

With love,

Lisa

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When Michaelangelo was asked how he created his Statue of David, he answered, “I just saw an angel in the marble and carved until I set him free.”

And in From Strength to Strength, Arthur C. Brooks says you are thinking about it wrong if you view your life as an empty canvas on which you need to create. Instead, he says you are already a complete work of art. Your life’s masterpiece emerges as you chip away everything that is not the essence of you.

You may have a bucket list. And I’m a collector of experiences, too. I view life as a treasure hunt for new places, special people, and neat experiences. I believe in pursuing our dreams now. So I’m not ready to completely toss out my bucket list.

But Brooks makes the point that if we think we have to add things to a bucket that starts out empty in order to have a fulfilling life, we can become frenzied. In that state we risk missing the joy of the journey we’re on. Beyond that, we miss seeing that there’s an angel inside already. YOU have been there all along.

Today I’m reflecting on how I might differentiate between what part of my life is sculpture and which part is stone that I can chip away.

How do you filter opportunities? How do you know when you’ve hit bedrock on who you are at your core? How do you slow down to enjoy the journey?

Whatever your methods, here’s to hoping you can always see a clear vision of the masterpiece that you are!

Get uplifting reminders wherever you hang out:

Connect with the host, Lisa Liguori:
Website:https://lisaliguori.com
Email me: Lisa@AdviceColumn.com

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