Thirteen year old girls can really put the "me" in migraines. Been there, done that. But since it's January and the play is cancelled let's solve a mystery and accidentally doom a few lives while we're at it. It was the Gardener in the Library with the Vase! The Chocolate War Profiteer in the garden! No, it's not Clue, it's the saddest love story that never was.

Ian McEwan rewrote a young girl's history at the cost of her geriatric neurological health. Spoiler alert: sad. Maybe some friendly plagiarism can smooth over all prepubescent faux pas? This book proves that all beautiful streams of consciousness flow downward. Kelly is willing to put her ego aside and to say sorry for all her past wrongs... in 70 years... when everyone is dead. Though maybe she just wrote the c word over and over again in a letter.

Oscar nominations abound for the 2007 film adaption. The ever so charming James McAvoy works harder than Keira Knightly's jaw to bring McEwan's prose to the big screen on his sweet little Angel face. Don't worry guys, it's not sappy. We think you'll like it because... WWII. That's what you like right? Scooch over Nolan, this was the OG Dunkirk!

Can Jimmy's movie beat out one of Times Magazine Best 100 Novels or did he, in the words of Paul Marshall, "bite it"? Sorry not sorry.

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