This episode’s question comes from Noelle in Colorado:

Question:
"Last week, my son did something that really upset my husband and me, and we didn’t handle it well. How do we communicate our love to him, even when he’s making choices we strongly disagree with?"

The Goal:

Love should never depend on a child’s behavior. As parents, our goal is to provide discipline in a way that fosters connection, growth, and restoration—just as God’s love for us remains unconditional, even when we fail.

Common Misconception:

Many parents feel that disciplining their children requires a harsh response to convey seriousness. However, using punishment alone can create emotional distance and fear, leaving kids unsure of their parents' love. Discipline, when guided by love, is an opportunity for growth, not shame.

Three Big Ideas:

1. Love is Not Dependent on Behavior:
   • Children need to know they are loved no matter what. Mistakes should not impact how we express love.
   • Just as God’s love is rooted in grace, our love for our children should remain secure, even when correction is needed.
2. Separate Identity from Actions:
   • Avoid attaching labels to misbehavior (e.g., "You're a liar"). Instead, affirm your child’s identity apart from their actions (e.g., "What you did doesn’t reflect who I know you are").
   • Correct behavior without compromising the child’s sense of worth and belonging.
3. Discipline as a Path to Connection, Not Punishment:
   • Discipline should teach and restore, not punish. When children already feel guilty or ashamed, piling on punishment can shut them down emotionally.
   • Use discipline moments to grow in relationship with your child. End with a reminder of love and a gesture of connection (e.g., a hug).

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Our love for our kids can never depend on their behavior."
• "God’s love for us isn’t based on merit—and neither should ours be."
• "Discipline is about restoring, not punishing."
• "Kids thrive when they know they are loved, even when they mess up."

Key Takeaways:

• Love first, always: Your love should be consistent and visible to your child, no matter the situation.
• Separate behavior from identity: Misbehavior should be addressed, but it doesn’t define who the child is.
• Use discipline to connect: Discipline moments are opportunities to foster connection and growth, not shame or emotional distance.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss how to navigate the tension of disciplining kids while making sure they feel loved. Drawing on God’s example of covenant love, they emphasize that love must be secure, not tied to behavior. When we discipline, the goal should be to teach and restore, not to punish or shame.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

This episode’s question comes from Eric in Billings, Montana:
Question:
"I see a lot of other parents pushing their kids really hard to succeed. Sometimes it feels too much. Am I hurting my kids by not pushing them hard enough?"

The Goal:

Winning or achieving success should not be the ultimate focus of parenting. Instead, the aim is to nurture children’s hearts and help them become whole, healthy individuals.

Common Misconception:

Many parents believe that their job is to ensure their kids achieve success, whether in sports, school, or life. But this pressure often teaches children that their worth is tied to performance, which can stifle their growth and lead to anxiety.

1. Winning is Not the Goal:
   • Winning or high achievement is not a measure of parental success. What matters more is raising children with character, joy, and resilience.
   • A shift from performance-based parenting to heart-centered parenting allows kids to thrive without fear of failure.
2. Love is Not Based on Success:
   • Emphasizing performance can inadvertently make kids feel that they need to earn their parents' approval. God's love is unconditional, and our parenting should reflect that.
   • Success-driven parenting risks building fragile identities that crumble when achievements fall short.
3. Failure is a Growth Opportunity:
   • Losing or falling short can be valuable teaching moments. These moments provide opportunities to build character, humility, and perseverance.
   • Instead of focusing on wins, focus on effort, attitude, and joy in the process—whether your child wins or loses.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "An emphasis on winning is a losing plan for parents."
• "God’s love is not based on merit, and neither should ours be."
• "Our kids are more than what they accomplish."
• "Winning might feel good, but it’s not the point—wholeness is."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Winning isn’t everything: Success isn’t the goal. Parenting should focus on shaping character, not chasing achievements.
• Love must be unconditional: Children need to know they are valued beyond their accomplishments.
• Embrace failure: Use moments of struggle as opportunities for growth. Value your child’s effort and attitude more than their outcome.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody challenge the idea that success defines good parenting. They explore how focusing on effort, joy, and character development—rather than chasing wins—leads to healthier children and relationships. Parenting, they argue, should reflect God’s unconditional love, freeing kids to grow without the fear of failure.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Show Notes:

This episode’s question comes from Allison in Georgia: Timestamp 3:50

Question:

"I grew up with strict discipline and want my kids to have more freedom, but I’m struggling to find the right balance. How can I give them freedom while still guiding them with discipline?"

The Goal:
Kids need gracious structure in order to thrive. Proper discipline doesn't restrict them—it sets them free by providing boundaries that allow for growth and flourishing.

Common Misconception:
Discipline is often viewed as limiting freedom. However, real freedom can only come when children have clear boundaries that guide their choices and protect their well-being.

Key Discussion Points:

1. God’s Model for Discipline:
   • In the Bible, God’s commandments and laws weren’t designed to restrict people but to help them thrive and grow. Similarly, parental boundaries allow kids to flourish.
   • Reference: "The law was made for man, not man for the law" (Mark 2:27)—a reminder that boundaries are for our benefit, not our restriction.
2. Boundaries Increase Freedom:
   • Without clear boundaries, kids may feel anxious or overwhelmed. Establishing healthy, firm limits allows children to explore within safe zones, giving them true freedom.
   • Example: Screen time restrictions can actually reduce arguments and create structure, leading kids to explore other interests like playing outside or reading.
3. Freedom and Discipline Go Hand-in-Hand:
   • Giving kids freedom within boundaries teaches them responsibility and helps them make better decisions. By involving kids in decision-making, they learn independence within a secure framework.
   • Example: Offering kids choices within structured guidelines empowers them while still ensuring discipline.
4. Discipline Creates Opportunities for Growth:
   • Just like music theory or sports rules enhance creativity and performance, boundaries in life help kids excel. Whether it’s screen time or chores, discipline gives kids a sense of achievement and satisfaction when they work within the rules.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• "Our kids need gracious structure in order to thrive."
• "Discipline doesn’t restrict freedom; it enhances it."
• "Boundaries are for our flourishing, not for holding us back."
• "Kids are really bad at being adults. They need us to provide structure so they can grow into it."
• "If we don’t give them boundaries, kids will actually feel less free."

Key Takeaways:

• Balanced Discipline: Discipline is not about controlling your kids but setting them up for success. Boundaries provide a structure that leads to real freedom.
• Freedom Within Structure: By offering choices within boundaries, kids gain independence while still being guided by the limits you’ve set.
• Flourishing, Not Restriction: When kids understand and operate within boundaries, they thrive, becoming more confident and capable.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss how discipline, when paired with freedom, helps children grow and flourish. By using the model of God’s structure with His people, parents can create a safe, guiding framework that allows their kids to explore life with confidence. Remember, true freedom comes from understanding and thriving within the boundaries set by loving parents.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

This episode’s question comes from Sarah in Minnesota: Timestamp 3:25

Question:

"With all the changes happening in the world, how do I keep my kids safe in what feels like an increasingly dangerous environment?"

The Goal:
Our primary job as parents is not to make sure our kids are always safe, but to help them become strong and resilient. Safety is important, but it is part of a bigger goal: preparing kids to thrive in a challenging world.

Common Misconception:
Parents often think their main responsibility is to protect their kids from every risk. However, a better approach is to prepare them for life's challenges, equipping them to face danger with wisdom and confidence.

Staying on Track in Parenting

1. God Prepares Strong Disciples, Not Just Safe Ones:
   • Throughout the Bible, God continually leads His people into challenging situations. He didn’t always protect them from hardship but used struggles to help them grow stronger in faith and character.
   • As Romans 5:3-5 says, suffering produces endurance, which builds character and leads to hope. Risk and struggle are necessary for growth.
2. Fear Shouldn't Drive Parenting Decisions:
   • While safety is a concern, fear should not be the driving force behind our parenting choices. By preparing kids for danger, we help them face the world with confidence rather than fear.
   • God is not afraid, and perfect love drives out fear (1 John 4:18). This truth should guide how we approach our children’s development.
3. Risk and Suffering Are Essential for Growth:
   • Risk and suffering are not obstacles to avoid but tools for developing resilience. Giving children appropriate levels of challenge at each age helps them learn to navigate the world.
   • Preparing the child for the road—not clearing the road of challenges for the child—is key to raising confident, capable adults.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Our job is to raise strong kids, not just safe kids."
• "God's goal is to raise strong disciples, not just safe disciples."
• "If we remove all the wind, the tree won't grow strong roots."
• "Fear should never drive our parenting decisions."
• "Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Strength over Safety: Parenting isn’t just about minimizing risk, but about preparing children to handle challenges with strength and faith.
• Risk is Part of Growth: Appropriate challenges and risks help children build resilience and confidence.
• Fight Against Fear-Driven Decisions: Keep fear from controlling how you parent. Instead, trust God and focus on preparing your children for the world’s challenges.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss the difference between raising safe kids versus strong kids. The Bible provides many examples of how God uses challenges and suffering to help His people grow. As parents, our role is to prepare our kids to face risks with strength and wisdom, not to eliminate all danger from their lives.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

This episode’s question comes from Emily in New Jersey:

Question:

"No matter how much I discipline my kids, they keep misbehaving. How do I get my kids to behave and do the right thing?"

The Goal:
Good behavior is not the ultimate goal of good parenting. While discipline is important, the true focus should be on shaping a child’s heart and identity, rather than just their actions.

Common Misconception:
Many parents fall into the trap of thinking good parenting means having well-behaved children. However, focusing solely on behavior risks teaching children that love is conditional.

Staying on Track in Parenting

1. Good Behavior is Not the Ultimate Goal:
   • Good behavior is important but not the most crucial outcome of parenting. Parenting is about guiding children in character development, not just behavior correction.
   • Discipline is essential, but it should be seen as a process of shaping children into the person God designed them to be.
2. Behavior and Love Shouldn’t Be Conditional:
   • When parents make behavior the ultimate goal, they unintentionally teach that love is earned through obedience. This results in children who either rebel or behave out of fear.
   • God’s love for us is not transactional, and our parenting should reflect that same covenantal love—unconditional and consistent, regardless of behavior.
3. Misbehavior is a Learning Opportunity:
   • Instead of viewing misbehavior as a failure, see it as an opportunity for growth and discipleship. It’s a chance to teach your child about their identity and potential.
   • Discipline the action, but affirm the child's identity, reminding them that they are loved and capable of more.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Good behavior is not the goal of good parenting."
• "Kids are really bad at being adults—and that’s okay."
• "Love is not conditional to obedience."
• "When we make behavior the main thing, we teach our kids that love is earned."
• "Parenting isn’t about behavior modification, it’s about identity shaping."

Key Points Takeaways:

• Behavior isn't everything. Good behavior is fine, but it's not the ultimate goal. Parenting is about shaping a child’s heart and character.
• Love must be unconditional. If we emphasize obedience over love, children may feel that they have to earn our love through good behavior, which is not the message we want to send.
• Focus on identity over actions. Use misbehavior as a teaching moment to guide children in becoming the people God designed them to be, rather than simply correcting their actions.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody challenge the common belief that good parenting equals good behavior. True parenting involves guiding children through love, identity, and discipleship—not just focusing on their actions.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

This episode’s question comes from Bradley in Las Vegas, Nevada:

Question:

"You’ve talked about the challenges of parenting in a culture of hurry and hostility. But what about the part of culture that seems to be getting more hopeless? How can we raise our kids to have hope in a world that feels like things are only getting worse?"

The Goal:
Instilling hope in our children, despite the increasing hopelessness in the world. While cultural despair is real, it doesn't need to infiltrate our homes. By aligning our perspective with God's truth, we can offer hope to our kids.

Common Misconceptions:
Many people believe the world is worse now than ever before, but biblically, there's nothing new under the sun. What’s changing is our perspective, not necessarily the state of the world.

How to Stay on Track in Parenting:

1. Perspective Matters:
   • The biblical worldview tells us that while challenges are real, this isn’t the worst the world has ever been. Wars, famines, and hardship have always existed, but today’s hyper-connected media amplifies fear and anxiety.
   • It's essential to shift our focus from the gloom to the bigger picture of God's plan, much like the analogy of holding a credit card close to your face—when it's too close, it's all you see, but when you step back, the world becomes clearer.
2. Anxiety is Caught and Taught:
   • If we’re anxious, our kids will be too. Children pick up on our emotions and responses. While anxiety is real and should not be minimized, we must recognize its contagious nature and be intentional about creating an environment of calm and trust.
   • Jesus himself spoke frequently about fear, reminding us to “be anxious for nothing,” and that anxiety is not an outgrowth of the Holy Spirit.
3. We Don’t Have to Play the Game of Hopelessness:
   • Though the world is filled with fear and hopelessness, as followers of Christ, we’re invited to live differently. We are called to a life of hope, grounded in God’s promises, not in the shifting circumstances of the world.
   • Parenting with this perspective can set our children free from the fears that dominate culture, allowing them to grow with hope and confidence in God's ultimate control.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode

• "Anxiety is caught and taught. If a parent is anxious, so will a kid be."
• "Just because hopelessness is part of the culture doesn’t mean it has to be part of your family."
• "Our world isn’t worse than it’s ever been. It’s our perspective that’s gotten worse."
• "Jesus said, ‘Do not be afraid,’ not because the world wasn’t hard, but because God is bigger than the world's problems."
• "Anxiousness is not a fruit of the Spirit."

Key Points Takeaways:

• The world isn't worse than ever, but our perspective often makes it seem that way. Shifting our focus allows us to raise children who see beyond the immediate chaos.
• Children learn anxiety from their parents. Being open about our struggles while pointing to hope in God’s promises helps our kids navigate a world full of fear.
• God offers a life of hope: We are not doomed to play by the world's anxious rules. We can parent with hope, knowing that God is in control.

Conclusion:

In this episode, Greg and Cody discuss the growing sense of hopelessness in the world and how parents can counter that by instilling hope in their children. Remember, anxiety may be present in the culture, but it doesn’t need to define your home. Focus on God’s bigger plan, and model trust and hope for your kids.

Learn more at:
www.gracebasedfamilies.com
Produced by: The fine folks at Gum Audio
www.gumaudio.com

Welcome to Episode 3 of Blueprints!

This episode's question comes from Megan in Texas:

Question:

"Hi, this is Megan from Texas. My oldest is about to start school, and I’m torn about where to send him. Whenever I reach out to friends or do research, the environment seems really hostile. I feel like I can’t make the right choice. Why do I feel so much shame when I’m trying to make the best decision for my child?"_

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The big idea: Parenting with confidence and grace in a world that often amplifies shame and judgment. Grace sets parents free from the shame-inducing hostility of our culture.

In this episode, Cody and Greg will discuss:

1. It's not just you, the culture is meaner:

- Today’s digital world amplifies judgment, making parents feel like every decision is scrutinized.

- However, this judgment is not new. Like the Pharisees in the Bible, our culture’s hostility is driven by fear and insecurity.

- Parenting confidently in this environment helps teach our kids not to be afraid of making mistakes.

2. Grace can free us from shame and fear:

- God’s grace allows us to parent without fear. We can make decisions confidently, knowing mistakes are part of the process.

- Our kids learn from our confidence, even when we make the wrong choices.

3. Parenting out of wisdom and delight:

- We are called to parent with wisdom and delight, not out of fear or shame.

- We can’t control the hostile culture outside, but we can create a loving, grace-filled environment at home.

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Key Points Takeaways:

- The world is hostile, but our homes don’t have to be. Create a space where both parents and kids can grow without fear of judgment.

- Teach by example: When parents are confident in their decisions, kids learn to trust their own choices.

- Grace allows freedom: Parenting with grace gives us the freedom to make mistakes and learn from them, without the burden of shame.

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Learn more at:

www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at GUM Audio

www.gumaudio.com

Welcome to Episode 2 of Blueprints!

This episode's question comes from Logan in Louisiana:

Question:

"Yesterday, I was trying to get my kids out the door and completely lost my patience. It feels like we’re always running late, and it’s adding a lot of stress to our family. Why are we in such a hurry all the time, and what is this doing to our kids?"

Big Idea: We can't follow God's blueprint for raising kids if we are always in a hurry.

Here are a few things you'll hear in the podcast.

1. Hurry is the result of idolatry.

2. Hurry harms our kids.

3. We’re not doomed to a life of hurry.

Key Takeaways:

- Hurry is violence to the soul. It impacts our relationships with our kids and blocks us from creating an environment of grace.

- Your schedule doesn’t need to control you. Slowing down, saying “no” more often, and creating margin allows for better decisions and deeper connections with your family.

- God’s blueprint for parenting involves grace and patience, not rushing. We can live a life free from the idolatry of busyness and focus on what really matters—our kids and our relationship with them.

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Learn more at:

www.gracebasedfamilies.com

Produced by: The fine folks at GUM Audio. Made to stick.

www.gumaudio.com