This is the first installment of the audiobook version of my book The Inappropriate Guide to Buying an Engagement Ring. I’ll be releasing one chapter a week, right here in the podcast feed. If you'd rather read the whole thing now (because waiting is for people in line at the DMV), you can grab the full book on Kindle or paperback by clicking here.

Full transcript below (Oh and hey! This is all copyrighted so don't steal my shit.)

 This is the "Inappropriate Guide to Buying an Engagement Ring- Irreverent Wisdom From an Industry Insider. Short, Simple, and Straight to the Point."

Introduction: I don't care what's under the hood of my car. I'm pretty sure there's an engine in there, but I'll be damned if I know what it's about.

And frankly, I don't care. I wanna go fast when I need to and slow when I don't. That's it. Good to go.

Some guys get off on knowing every detail about their engine. The compression ratios, the torque curves, the whole mechanical circle jerk. They're the same guys who can tell you the exact temperature their bourbon was aged at or why their guitars, pickups are superior to every other pickup ever manufactured.

But here's what 30 years in the trenches of the diamond business has taught me. Buying an engagement ring isn't about becoming an expert. It's about doing something incredible for someone you love.

Somewhere between the YouTube rabbit holes about ideal cut grades and the forums full of guys comparing certification numbers like fantasy football stats, we've lost the plot. You are not here because you woke up thinking, man, I really need to learn about crystalline structures today.

You're here because you found someone who makes your, he beat faster and you want to do this right? The problem is the diamond industry has turned what should be one of life's most romantic moments into something that. Feels like studying for a final exam you never signed up for. And that's why I wrote this book, not to turn you into some diamond grading savant, but to give you just enough knowledge to work with someone who actually knows their stuff.

Think of it as your cheat sheet for navigating this world while keeping your sanity intact. And yes, I'm mostly addressing the guys buying rings for their girlfriends in this book. But if you're buying for your boyfriend or you're a woman buying for your girlfriend, the advice works just the same. The diamond doesn't give a damn who's wearing it and neither do I.

What matters is what that ring symbolizes between two people who found something that's worth keeping. I've spent years watching guys walk into my store looking like they're about to face a firing squad.

Armed with printouts of diamond specs and enough anxiety to power laws Vegas for a week. There are shell-shocked veterans of a war they never needed to fight. . So here's what I'm going to do.

I'm gonna cut through the bullshit and tell you what actually matters. Not the marketing hype or technical jargon, but the real deal, the stuff that makes a difference when you're standing there ring in hand, heart pounding about to ask the biggest question of your life. We'll cover just enough technical stuff to keep you informed, but more importantly, we'll talk about finding someone you can trust to handle the heavy lifting. Because this isn't about becoming a diamond expert, as I've said, it's about making a moment unforgettable.

There are plenty of great professionals who live. For helping people like you create those perfect moments. Your job isn't to become one of us. It's to find one of us. You click with. So grab a beer, get comfortable, and let's cut through the noise together.

By the time we're done, you'll know exactly how to handle this whole ring thing without losing your mind, your savings or your romantic soul in the process. Now buckle up and let's do this.

If you'd like help finding a jeweler closer to home, email me at andy@buylikeaguy.com and I'll do my best to put you in touch with some of the best jewelers on earth.

Music credits: Preacher Man by Miles Neilson and The Rusted Hearts, used with permission. A killer band with original songs that get stuck in your head. They're awesome.

Listen To Preacher Man on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7ImcaJKIk0ZVtPzuUVV4vc?si=80581c74a9be4987

Andy here with an announcement. I'm taking a break for the next couple of months so I can line up some guests I plan on having on the show. I plan on being back in October, ready with new episodes hot off the press so stay tuned for that.

I want to make sure I'm delivering value in these episodes, so if you've learned something or know of someone who would be a great fit for the show definitely let me know!

If you'd like help finding a jeweler closer to home, email me at andy@buylikeaguy.com and I'll do my best to put you in touch with some of the best jewelers on earth.

Music credits: Preacher Man by Miles Neilson and The Rusted Hearts, used with permission. A killer band with original songs that get stuck in your head. They're awesome.

Listen To Preacher Man on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7ImcaJKIk0ZVtPzuUVV4vc?si=80581c74a9be4987

I'm going to share something I learned first hand about what you should not do when you buy and give something as special as an engagement ring, an anniversary gift...hell...any gift for that matter. I get right to the point when I tell you, "Don't tell her how much it cost. Not even a hint."

Telling her what you paid for something can quickly turn a special moment into an awkward one. She's not going to feel cherished, loved, or appreciated if you disclose the price tag. It'll be more along the lines of uncomfortable embarrassment.

I want to be clear, this isn't one of those "men are stupid" rants that are ubiquitous on the interwebs these days. Nah...this comes from a real-life experience, and while you think I would know better...I'M the guy that did it! (I gave my wife a gift and on more than occasion I hinted at how it cost much more than she would've thought. What a boob I was. So stupid.)

And have to tell you, this advice applies to all gifts. The price tag is none of her business. I understand where this desire to reveal the cost comes from – sometimes, we're just genuinely proud of what we're giving her and we want a significant reaction. That's okay, but remember that it will come over time, in stories, maybe some bragging, or perhaps a sweet moment when she says, "You shouldn't have."

When you give her those earrings, that engagement ring, or whatever it may be, keep the price to yourself. There's never a time when it's chivalrous to tell how much you've spent on her, so don't do it.

On a related note, when you give her the gift or she sees her engagement ring for the first time, give her a little time to absorb it all. Her reaction may not come immediately, and that's perfectly fine. Sometimes she needs a few moments to process all the glitter and glory that's been bestowed on her, so relax, and let the moment unfold naturally.

Now, for the ladies listening, here's something our sales associate, Lindsay, asked me to mention: when your significant other gives you fine jewelry that might not be your style, accept it gracefully, even if it's not your style.

In almost every case it's better to accept the gift, and remember why he gave it (because he loves you) and keep it. That's how I was brought up – a gift is a gift, and it's the thought that counts.

Of course I understand that fine jewelry often involves a significant investment, and if it's not your style, you probably won't wear it much. Nobody wants that, so if it's just too hideous for you to wear, an exchange is probably in order.

If you do decide to exchange the gift, please be gentle when you tell him. You don't have to say it "right out of the box," as they say; give him a moment to feel proud of what he did for you. Then, when the time feels right, you can thank him for the gift, and explain that you'd like to exchange it for something more your style. This way, he won't feel like a failure in your eyes. You can guide him, teach him about your style, and even fill out a Wish List while you're exchanging your gift for the next big occasion. 😉

If you'd like help finding a jeweler closer to home, email me at andy@buylikeaguy.com and I'll do my best to put you in touch with some of the best jewelers on earth.

Music credits: Preacher Man by Miles Neilson and The Rusted Hearts, used with permission. A killer band with original songs that get stuck in your head. They're awesome.

Listen To Preacher Man on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/7ImcaJKIk0ZVtPzuUVV4vc?si=80581c74a9be4987

This episode was originally published in October 2023.