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  • The Changes That Matter (Episode #5)

    The Changes That Matter (Episode #5)
    2024/09/17

    This is the first of what will be monthly feature-length episodes that include an interview with a special guest. I've got some amazing guests lined up for the series and am delighted to begin with someone you'll likely not have heard of...

    TRANSCRIPT:

    Don’t ever google the words “motivational quote”.

    Either you run the day, or the day runs you - that’s Jim Rohn.

    Fear kills more dreams than failure ever will. Suzy Kassem.

    Setting goals is the first step in turning the invisible into the visible. That one is Tony Robbins.

    Look, they’re not bad; I’m not dismissing other people’s work and you may well have been inspired or found some of those useful either in the past, or just now. That’s all okay. I’m not having a rant about motivational quotes, per-se.

    The message that our lives can be better than they are right now is for some a life saving message, and for all of us at some point has been necessary to hear to help us move forwards or heal. However, I do have a problem with them, and it’s a glaring omission that makes me feel uneasy and is at the heart of all that is wrong with the self-help inspirational literature and motivational speaking worlds.

    Hello everyone, my name is Jez Rose, a behaviourist and author encouraging people to discover the best version of themselves. Welcome to episode 5 of my weekly podcast ‘do it different’ where we’ll explore just that.

    This week is the first of the monthly feature-length episodes, with a special guest. More on that in a moment.

    You see, what people don’t tell us about all this inspiration to change, and be different, and think different, and do different things, is that changing is hard. It requires support, new habits, and specific environments to help us.

    Reading an inspirational book isn’t enough. Having motivational reminders on your bathroom mirror isn’t enough either. We must act, and that requires a leap of faith on our part; leaning into a vulnerable space where we must let go of what we know, and hope the change we hope for not only does happen but that it is at least as we expected.

    This week I’m joined by someone you won’t know. Lesley Graney is a Mum, a wife, a teacher - and the thing you need to know about Lesley is that she has stage 4 breast cancer.

    Hey Lesley.

    Can you tell the story about how we met?


    If this week’s episode has encouraged you to consider your own journey to becoming the best version of yourself, head over to thatjezrose.com/journey

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    42 分
  • We Have (More Than) Enough (Episode #4)

    We Have (More Than) Enough (Episode #4)
    2024/09/10
    TRANSCRIPT:I read a post on instagram that said: adulthood is basically saying as soon as this week is out of the way things will calm down and it’ll be okay, over and over again.We never state *which* week though do we! We keep it vague! That certainly was my life for a long time, at work and at home - believing if I just got this thing done, it would all calm down. I just need to get these emails out the way, or this bit of work done and then I can relax. In fact, that’s how I lived for most of my life. Chasing the idea of obtaining something in the belief that then, then, things would feel different. Better. Complete. Less stressed.My entire life consumed with the idea that when I bought a certain thing my life would be happier; when I achieved a specific work milestone or number of instagram followers, or income amount, I’d somehow feel accomplished and that life would be better. Chasing all the time for more. Not in a consciously greedy way, but in an entirely unconscious, un-present way that had somehow gripped me like an obsession I wasn’t even aware I had. A behavioural addiction in its truest sense. There was no malice; it wasn’t like I was thinking I’d be better than other people if I had a specific object, or appeared on a certain TV program, but the drive existed nonetheless, entirely selfishly, for me, because I was sucked into the idea that I would somehow be not even happier, just happy, more content sure, but also that I would feel successful or validated conditionally when that certain thing was achieved. But it never, ever, ends.We’re always running after something we believe we’ll be happier for having. Sound familiar?Hello everyone, my name is Jez Rose, and welcome to episode 4 of my weekly podcast ‘do it different’.“Please sir”, replied Oliver, “I want some more”. In Charles Dickens’ Oliver Twist the young boy seeks more and is cruelly punished for his greed. More, more, more is what so many seem to blindly seek, perfectly able to justify why we need a new car, a new item of clothing, more shoes, the latest thingy majig from an instagram ad. Reaching desperately to the future that will be brighter, easier, happier with the latest temptation of our desire. Desire is the root of all evil, and all our futures are a graveyard, so why are we rushing there?Well it’s not that we’re all bad people, it’s that we have a powerful relationship with the chemicals that impact our brain like dopamine - the feel-goodHormone that is released when good things happen to us. It’s so powerful that we actively seek more of it, and our brains quickly connect which behaviours are linked to getting the dopamine fix of feeling positive and stimulated. The social status that comes with the purchase of an expensive item of clothing, for example. The feeling of being part of an elite group. Better than others. Safe. Superior. All very primitive desires from a survival and development perspective.Looking back, did anything get better for us in the way we hoped it might because of us reaching for more? Well, of course, for a time….. but then we reach for more again, and I do know nothing makes us happy for long or cures any ill feeling. Nothing we buy or do secures us in a place of nirvana forever. We are only ever managing the impact on us of external factors, and as fellow Buddhist Cory Muscara said: until you are able to hold the discomfort of life with stillness and presence, your inner world will continue to push you into unconscious reactivity. The tragedy of life is not death but what we let die inside of us while we live. It is true that sometimes we need to be brave enough to outgrow the life we’ve built, but we should never do that at the expense of living right now, and buying our way to happiness, or relying on the future version of ourselves to be happy, sorted, less stressed and to have it all together is futile, and entirely at odds with reality. When I realised this, I looked through all of my possessions - every item I owned. Why did I buy the £1000 luggage? Is it any better than luggage even half that amount? No. So I sold it. Why did I buy £200 pencils? Are they beautiful? Yes. Do they have exactly the same graphite inside them as one dollar pencils. Yes. So I sold them. Then my attention turned to items. Things. Stuff. Sat on our shelves, on surfaces, window ledges and in cabinets. And I’m talking about the things you can see, that you buy to make your house look pretty. Or so that’s what we tell ourselves. Do we need them? For me, I realised for much of them, no. If it didn’t have an essential purpose, or deep personal meaning, I sold it. Looking around, I realised I had more than enough. And then there were the drawers and cupboards full of more things collected over years and just coming along for the ride because we have greater feelings of security with the more possessions we have: security symbols. All the time seeking more of ...
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    12 分
  • The Search for Meaning (Episode #3)

    The Search for Meaning (Episode #3)
    2024/09/03
    TRANSCRIPT:Do you ever wonder what the meaning of life is? Wait, that’s probably too deep to start with. What I mean is - or perhaps I’m looking for reassurance that it’s not only me - when you look at a huge tree with its vast trunk, and bountiful leaves and you suddenly remember that it grew from a tiny seed that would fit on the very end of your finger tip. Or when you look at a tall building, soaring high into the sky with its many floors, and marvel at how all that weight on each floor doesn’t just collapse the building. Or looking at a fellow human and your mind is blown when you realise they were a tiny baby when they were first born and beneath the skin a mess of liquids and electrical impulses. Life, in all its forms, is mesmerising, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring, and utterly magical. But the world as we know it - of its beauty and flaws, is created almost entirely by our mind. Which is exactly why the phrase ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder’ is such an interesting statement. The fact that the world, or more specifically our perception of what we see is created by our mind is precisely why there is conflict of opinion. But actions and insight must go hand in hand. We may have deep aspirations toward the future; dreams, aspirations, goals - but how are we living in this moment, right now, to support the future we would like to create? At work and at home, what culture are you actively helping to create?Hello everyone, my name is Jez Rose, and welcome to episode 3 of ‘do it different, my new podcast exploring how we discover the best version of ourselves’.The meaning of life for many is simply to enjoy every moment. After all, there’s no guarantee of a tomorrow. Ask 10 people what the meaning of life is and you’ll likely get several different answers: to make a difference, to help others, to leave the world better than how you found it, to reach the top, to succeed in every endeavourSo, what is the meaning of life? Well, the meaning to you may well be different to what I feel the meaning is, and that’s the point: there is no one meaning of life because life is what our brains make it to be. And so the unanswerable question changes position to something much more interesting and useful: how do live a meaningful life?It starts, just as our understanding of the world does, with our own perception because when we accept we have control, we stop seeking meaning in external factors. There’s no need to yearn for the latest iPhone, or an expensive car, or a Gucci watch to get meaning because all of those things are meaning-less. A PhD or starting your own business aren’t meaningful either. They are accolades to collect: external things we seek because our brain is programmed to collect. Our species collects things: food, money, status, for survival, and it always has done. Entirely necessary once, don’t get me wrong, - and by once I mean in the early stages of human development, but arguably not at all any more. I don’t need a PhD to be a king person or to make a difference. I don’t need an expensive watch to make me good at my job. And I certainly don’t need the latest iPhone to make me happy. All around us, littered throughout our lives are things without meaning, and hearts and minds yearning for more meaning: for substance, for their lives to feel better, or different, or more purposeful - or just not to be how they are. Instead of looking inwards, we by habit look externally: what can I buy to fix things or change things. After a while we realise that what we’ve been doing isn’t working and we find ourselves at a place where, even if we can’t quite put our finger on it, life just doesn’t quite feel right.Listener Victoria sent in this question, which I think sums up the need for meaning really well.My name is Victoria and I am a 34 year old sty at home Mum to my 4 year old son. I have struggled with change my entire life, probably more than the average person. Before my son was born I worked as a neurosurgical operating room nurse. As you can imagine becoming a parent is the change of a lifetime and boy was I unprepared. My husband and I had a lot of curve balls thrown at us and as much as I love my son and appreciate that I am able to stay home with him full time, these last three years have been the hardest of my life. I often find myself wrestling with my thoughts which are equal parts 'things will be better when', and ' I need to savour this moment or I will regret it'. I try to tell myself 'don't think about tomorrow, focus on right now' but it's so, so hard. I often feel unsettled and would love to learn how to feel to just be. How can I get to a place of peace and acceptance not only as a Mum, but as myself? What are some small changes I can put into practice to help me be more present and live just for today. Honestly I'm looking to just be peaceful and just feel 'ok, this is my life and I want to be happy.' Thank you so much, your insight ...
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    12 分
  • Dreaming of Tomorrow (Episode #2)

    Dreaming of Tomorrow (Episode #2)
    2024/08/26
    TRANSCRIPT:Spring and autumn are probably my favourite seasons, but one garden job in particular that marks the end of autumn, is especially poignant and one I have difficulty enjoying. It’s the cutting back of the rose bushes. It’s such a destructive act at a time when everything has grown and developed to such an extent that these big, beautiful, blooming roses, with so much growth in the leaves and stems - so often the entire plant can literally quadruple in size in one season and then…. and then we must cut them back to a few inches above the ground. Sometimes there are still flowers on the stems. But that act of cutting them back is essential for the plants future growth. Throughout the winter all the plants’ energy goes into its root system, buried deep underground where no one can see where the work is happening, to develop a stronger, healthier, and bigger plant for next season.And so we cut back and lose the things we enjoy and love, in order to grow and in time enjoy something new that will grow from the very place from where we severed.Hello everyone, my name is Jez Rose, and welcome to episode 2 of ‘do it different’, this weekly podcast that sees a slight change in style to my previous podcasts because it’s just us; just you and me navigating my thoughts on becoming the best version of us, out loud. But, back to roses.For me, that autumn job of cutting back the roses, it’s a real event. I take my time and am very present in its poignancy. It marks the end of a season, the beginning of a period of hunkering down, shorter and darker days, and being indoors more. It also acts as a poignant reminder of the personal metaphor of change, and reminds me of all those painful periods of change in my own life. Periods I’m now through but which the lesson is worth being reminded of. We must change, we are of course always changing, but we must also cut away things that we must trust are the right things to lose, in order to not only grow, but to grow stronger and healthier. Just like those roses.We fear what we might lose when we change, or when we sever things or people we have been so used to being a part of our life, identity and even a part of who we are, but from that place of loss new things grow - it doesn’t remain a wound for long, much like trimming a rose bush - the severance promotes new growth.However, if we don’t change, we never really discover who we really are.I’ve recently moved from England to America and while I’m still working all around the world, the move has understandably thrown up lots of challenges and emotions. When I began packing up the house in England, I went through that phase of purging and cleansing: discovering those drawers stuffed with stuff, and hidden things pushed back to the back of cupboards. But this time the thinning out had to be a little more extreme; electrical items were pointless in bringing with me, and every item I shipped added to the size and weight and in turn cost. The main shipment was going to take up to 3 months to reach me, so I packed the essentials in a suitcase; 2 knives, 1 pot to cook in, a mug… and within a few weeks of being in the new house something extraordinary happened. I began to appreciate the notion of “you have enough”. We spend our lives dreaming of tomorrow and how much happier or better they will be when we buy the thing we have our sights on, and drawn in by marketing and advertising to buy the thing that will brighten our tomorrow. Losing sight all the time that we have enough right now. In living with comparatively next to nothing I realised just how liberating it was as it echoed what was happening in my own mind: letting go of the things I thought were important, learning what really was important, and living without materialism. Then all my things arrived, I became quite overwhelmed. Here was all this stuff I simply didn’t need. I have enough. The only thing I could do was to begin cutting back again, selling those things I knew I didn’t need - the fallout from a period of my life where I was buying things to help make me happy.It’s extremely difficult to grow, to start anew, when living in the past or in the wrong story. Without cutting back the roses, the plant becomes unruly and untidy, increasing its chances of disease. We need to cut back in order to rebuild. But rebuilding doesn’t mean adding more things - it means giving us the s[ace and freedom to focus on us - to discover what we really need.The more I’ve come to truly know myself, which is a lifelong journey but one so fascinating and enjoyable I’d recommend to anyone - and the more I’ve deeply explored the human condition, the more I’ve come to realise just how trapped we become by material things. They begin to define us, without us knowing it. They change us. They make us less human, because our identity and ability to know who we are is wrapped up in them. Some things are hard to let go of, not because they ...
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    10 分
  • And Who Shall I Say Is Calling? (Episode #1)

    And Who Shall I Say Is Calling? (Episode #1)
    2024/08/14
    Welcome to episode 1 of do it different, a weekly podcast series hosted by #1 bestselling author and behavior expert Jez Rose on who we are, why, and how to find the best version of ourselves.In this first episode of a brand new series Jez explores the many different ways we show up at work, at home, with different groups of friends, when on our own - and how we may be in danger of being further from knowing who we really are than ever before. This is a podcast about challenging what we know about life, and growing to help get from where we are, to where we want to be.If you were to call a senior individual at a business, you’d likely get their secretary or personal assistant, and upon asking to speak to that senior person, you’re going to have to answer the question: “And who shall I say is calling?”. How you answer that simple question will determine whether or not you are put through.If you really wanted to speak to the person, you might have to lie and pretend to be someone more important than you really are. The notion of lying to ourselves, and how we discover who we really are is what we explore in this opening episode of a new series that explores the brain science of human behaviour to help do things differently for better results both at work and at home, but also for ourselves - and getting closer to knowing who we really are.Thank you for listening, and enjoy!Written and Produced by Jez Rose | Edited by Nick JonesTRANSCRIPT:I sat with the CEO of a company and brand you would all recognise, in their office as the phone on their desk rang. We all know how this call screening plays out, and the screening in this case had been done by a very efficient personal assistant in the room next door. Calls from their child’s school, or from senior people in the company, or from a doctor with an urgent message, are all going to get put through. Calls from sales people chancing their luck, unknown names, or anyone out of favour, is going to be invited to leave a message or call back another time. How you answer the question ‘and who shall I say is calling?’ determines the success of the purpose of the call.But if you really wanted to speak to that CEO, and you weren’t a good friend, spouse, or their child’s nanny, you might have to lie to get connected.Hello everyone, my name is Jez Rose, and welcome to episode 1 of ‘do it different’.This is a podcast about becoming a better person. Or, more to the point, finding the best version of us. The version of us at home, isn’t the same us at work, nor is it the same us when we’re with our dog, or with each group of our friends. We have so many versions of ourselves that I’m concerned we’re further from knowing ourselves than we’ve ever been.Is that a problem? Yes, I think it is. It’s an issue that affects all of us and doesn’t get enough attention.Which brings us back to that phone call.I’ve been to many parties where I’ve outright lied about what I do for a living so I get an easy evening. Responding to a complete stranger’s “and what do you do?” that you’re a carpenter or a proctologist doesn’t get the same level of questioning as when you say you’re an author, or that you speak at conferences around the world or worst of all that you’re a television presenter. If I want a quiet, easy time without lots of questions, I’ll respond with something I know is going to be uninteresting or even revolting to them.But this level of dishonesty isn’t really my point. I’m talking about how we lie to ourselves; sometimes even without us knowing. When we buy certain clothes, or begin to act a certain way just to fit in, these are critical moments when our true identity is not only questioned, but compromised. We adapt and evolve to fit in; to belong; to not feel lonely or at odds with the masses. And yet as we do this more and more, we get further and further away from who we truly are. What is it that stops us from so confidently being ourselves? Well, often it is that we don’t know ourselves. And if we don’t truly know who we are, how can we become better versions of ourselves if we’re disconnected from that? We are a species who simply don’t know who we really are, partly because we spend more time trying to mould ourselves to fit in with others which in itself is easier because we can just copy: I buy those clothes, say these things and act this way and I’m like them. I’ll be accepted and I’ve found my tribe. But that tribe isn’t necessarily the tribe you belong with - and you know, deep down, if it’s disingenuous. I see it all the time in the corporate world; leaders acting up mimicking behaviours of their superiors. But it’s not just about fitting in, it’s partly because we don’t know how to do the work to find ourselves. We don’t know what questions to ask to discover ourselves. However, our true self never goes anywhere; we just cover it up. It’s there inside us: our true ...
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    7 分