Things get messy this week — and not just because it’s 30 degrees and Jake’s legs are out. The whole gang is back in person to celebrate James's birthday, and it doesn’t take long for things to spiral. We’ve got hot takes, hotter armpits and more confessions than a Catholic priest on speed.

In Have You Heard, meet the ex-RAF airman who hit the road with a rescue ferret named Bandit (van life just got weird). Rachel breaks down the scutters in What the FAQ, sending everyone into toilet-based trauma. And in Confessionals, listener stories include a whipped cream HR incident, a suspicious search history, and a woman who proudly poops in the shower like it’s a lifestyle choice.

Plus, it’s the return of Meet in the Middle Mastermind — with Danny smashing musicals, Rachel rewinding to 80s bangers, and James making Drag Race look like a GCSE subject. Who takes the crown? Who forgets Bonnie Tyler? And who nearly sharts from nerves?

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Intro and Outro: Living Kills - The Noise

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