Episode 312: Karen Got Kicked Out, I Got a Forehead Knot, and Jared Finally Shut Up

You read that right. This episode is loaded with justice, head injuries, wild Vegas nights, and one assistant who deserves a standing ovation. Buckle up—it’s pure chaos in the best way.

💥 Dumbass of the Week: UPDATE EDITION

Remember last week’s Karen? The one who verbally assaulted an 18-year-old at Planet Fitness because they asked to take her photo for her membership?


Well… Planet Fitness revoked her membership nationwide. She lied about it, but it’s 2025—everything is on camera.
Moral of the story: If you’re gonna act a fool, don’t do it in 4K.
SEE YA, KAREN!

🙌 Shoutout of the Week:

This one’s for Marissa, Jay’s assistant and all-around savage. Her work ethic, loyalty, and “get-it-done” attitude make the Happy Hour world go ‘round. We see you, we appreciate you, and we don’t take it lightly. (Except for the jokes. Those stay heavy.)

🔕 Jared Update:

After 10 years of nonsense… Jay finally figured out how to silence Jared.
Be nice.
That’s it. That’s the hack. And apparently, it works. Jared even sent a text about last week’s episode. We’re officially in uncharted territory.

🎲 Vegas Stories:

• Story #1: The perfect way to handle a drunk guy in Vegas… until it wasn’t.

• Story #2: PSA: Turn on the light when you get up to pee. Jay didn’t. Now he’s rocking a knot on his forehead the size of a golf ball.

🤯 WTF Moments of the Week:

• A homeless man with a 10-foot horse trough marching through the park like it’s a parade. His lady followed behind pushing two carts filled with water bins. What is happening?!

• The way people dress to get on planes now… it’s like Spirit Airlines is hosting a pajama rave. No shame, just confusion.

🧼 A Word From Our Sponsor:

Buzzed Buddy: Because you can party like it’s Vegas, and still wake up like it’s brunch with Grandma.
Liver, brain, and next-day plans: protected.

👴 I’m Getting Old:

• Graduations for everything: Preschool? Kindergarten? Walking into Target without a meltdown? When did this become a thing?

• Group Texts: The modern form of psychological warfare. If you're in one, blink twice for help.

💡 Closing Thought of the Week:

“Be happy. You don’t need a reason, just a decision.”

🎧 Tune in now for laughs, chaos, and the life lessons no one else will teach you.