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https://anitamathias.com/2023/09/07/how-to-find-the-freedom-of-forgiveness/

How to Find the Freedom of Forgiveness

Completely letting go of anger and resentment and forgiving is an emotional transaction as well as a decision of the will. We discover that we cannot command our emotions to forgive and let go of anger, just as we cannot ourselves to love or like or hate.

But given that forgiveness gives us clarity of mind, spirit, and emotions, and so much more space in each of these… it’s important to master this gentle art. How?

When tormenting memories surface, our cortisol, adrenaline, blood pressure, and heart rate all rise. It’s good to literally take a quick walk with Jesus, to calm this neurological and physiological storm. And then honestly name these emotions… for feelings buried alive never die.

Then, in a process called “the healing of memories,” mentally visualise the painful scene, seeing Christ himself there, his eyes brimming with compassion. Ask Christ to heal the sting, to draw the poison from these memories of experiences that have injured your mind, spirit, character, and assessment of yourself. We are caterpillars in a ring of fire, as Martin Luther wrote--unable to rescue ourselves. We need help from above.

Accept what happened. What happened, happened. Then, as the Apostle Paul advises, give thanks in everything, though not for everything. Give thanks because God can bring good out of the swindle and the injustice. Ask him to creatively bring magic and beauty from the ashes.

If, like the persistent widow Jesus used as an example, you want to pray for justice--that the swindler and the abusers’ characters are revealed, so many are protected, then do so--but that’s a double-edged prayer. First, purify your own life.

And now, just forgive. Perhaps say aloud, I forgive you for … You are setting a captive free. Yourself. Come alive. Be free.

And when memories of deep injuries arise, say: “No. No. Not going there.” Stop repeating the devastating story to yourself or anyone else. Don’t waste your time and emotional energy, nor let

yourself be overwhelmed by anger at someone else’s evil actions. Don’t let the past poison today. Refuse to allow re-injury. Deliberately think instead of things noble, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.

So keep trying, in obedience, to forgive, to let go of your anger until you suddenly realise that you have forgiven, and can remember past events without agitation. Christ be with us!

My memoir: Rosaries, Reading, Secrets: A Catholic Childhood in India UK USA

Blog: anitamathias.com

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My book of essays: Wandering Between Two Worlds (US) and UK