Co-Dependent Definition: Emotional or psychological reliance on a partner. Tendency of leaders to set-up their leadership as co-dependent. Small Ways: Can’t make a decision because the Boss it out of town. Big Ways: “We left the Church because the pastor left, it’s just what you do” Issue: The test of great leadership is what happens when you’re absent. Why Do We Do That? Kindest Way: We don’t even realize we’re doing it and we don’t know how not to. Where tools like vision, values, systems come into play when they’re being used to empower, not create bureaucracy. Realest Way: We feel like imposters, we’re not secure in our role, we want to feel needed. Acknowledge that it feels good to need your opinion to make a decision. Acknowledge that it feels good for people to leave because you’re no longer there because it’s not the same. Point We want to feel wanted. When a leader leads to feel wanted, they become needed, and create co-dependency. Co-Dependent Leadership The Impact of Co-Dependent Leadership Hurts longevity. No momentum beyond current tenure. Cripples Development. Think of like a parent who needs to be needed by their kids. The result is the kids never become adults. Here: The followers never become leaders in their own right. Antidote You antidote to co-dependent leadership is security. Security is built on: Awareness of Gifting. Don’t need validation of your competency. Security is built on testing and trial, not just affirmation. Amateurs want to know they did well, professionals want to know how they can get better. Donald Miller. Commitment to Calling, not assignment. Security will never exist if all you have is a job. What I do supercedes the person I’m doing it with’s opinion of me. Effectiveness that is built on your willingness to adapt. Key is listening and adapting. People will tell you how to lead them, not because it’s a perfect match. Conclusion The danger of co-dependent leadership. Cultivate Security.
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