[“A Promise Broken”] It’s a MELROSE MADNESS podcast spoiler bonus! With the first appearance of Marcia Cross as Kimberly in Melrose Place season 1 episode 11, there’s a lot to look forward to. Hosts Lisa & Wayne and producers Ilana & Chris glory in the schemes to come, and unearth some of the murkier notes of the series: Kimberly’s grand ambitions and mental manipulations. Matt’s hidden role as confidante to all and documenter of secrets. Sydney’s denial by her parents and dooming desire for love. And Alison’s competing attractions to crappy, powerful men and to the crappy, ineffectual boy we know as Billy Campbell. 0:00:00 Kimberly has entered the chat 0:04:55 Justifying Jane’s origins 0:08:05 Michael & Kimberly, soulmates 0:09:44 Obsessing over Matt’s journal (and facial hair situation) 0:15:52 The first beach 0:16:55 Kimberly’s force of will 0:17:47 Anticipating Sydney, the sister of an only child 0:21:29 Stream of conscious leads from Sydney to Brooke 0:24:25 Kimberly, the Queen of Schemes 0:29:20 The consistency of Alison’s backstory 0:31:18 Alison & Billy, soulmates

[“A Promise Broken”] The MELROSE MADNESS podcast plumbs the details of Melrose Place season 1 episode 11, a wild ride in which Michael’s schemey side emerges, Kimberly enters the chat, Jane loses a child, Sandy gives the worst gift, and Billy is just the worst. Hosts Lisa & Wayne and producers Ilana & Chris try not to lose their minds. Along the way, there’s musings on T-shirt humor, timey-wimey sci-fi tropes, and the influence of Melrose Place on Tommy Wiseau’s The Room. 0:00:00 Dr. Man-scheme-I, meet Dr. Shaw 0:07:30 Jane, the only child: Prepare for retroactive continuity 0:09:21 Kimberly, the sassy redhead 0:11:17 There will be no children 0:14:59 Matt’s terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day 0:17:15 Memo to Sandy: Don’t give pets as a surprise gift 0:22:38 Jake & Billy: Breast friends 0:27:17 Billy is a monster 0:33:51 Alison’s avatar, the praying mantis 0:36:37 Fashion: Jake’s goofy laundry get-up; Sandy’s denim bra; Billy’s Zubaz windbreaker 0:37:59 Beach drama (early days) 0:39:36 Extra of the week: Billy’s mark 0:40:03 The worst thing Alison did 0:41:54 Quotations

[“Burned”] Boy oh boy, folks. What can be said about season 1 episode 10 of Melrose Place? This MELROSE MADNESS podcast episode sees hosts Lisa & Wayne and producers Ilana & Chris getting into the fine details (and conceptual resonance) of the emergence of Michael Man-scheme-i, the fraudulence of Billy, and the misplaced rage of Jake. Also, the tremendous Tennessee Williams-ness of Mama Hanson, the realities of auditioning in the 90s, and the Melrose Place’s appeal to ancient archetypes. (Anything, really, to avoid engaging with the race relations issues plotline.) We had fun. You’re invited to have fun along with us! 0:00:00 On laughing (and laugh fluffing) 0:03:17 Speaking of deception … Dr. Michael Man-scheme-i enters the chat 0:10:59 Billy gets into totally avoidable trouble, constantly commits tiny fraud #BillyCrimes 0:19:58 STELLA! (as in, Jake’s mom) 0:21:15 On the classical storytelling of Melrose Place 0:22:31 Back to STELLA!—the lamp trap, the Tennessee Williams thing 0:25:43 The Samuel French digression 0:27:43 Oedipus wrecks: the parallels between Mama Hanson and Sandy 0:35:48 Michael’s trajectory 0:37:48 Learning what a ball is 0:38:48 Fashion: STELLA!’s magical traveling wardrobe 0:39:45 Jake: sad boy grows up to be angry man 0:41:30 Fashion: STELLA!’s Reba look and Sandy’s fur-accented tank top 0:42:42 The worst thing Alison did 0:43:11 Extra of the week: The “Heavy Metal Parking Lot” lady at the police station 0:44:40 Quotations

[“Responsibly Yours”] The latest excursion for the MELROSE MADNESS podcast brings hosts Lisa & Wayne, along with producers Ilana & Chris, into a new corner of the Melrose Televisual Multiverse. Our bonus episode for Melrose Place season 1 episode 9 starts as a side trip into a world where Jake Handsome and Michael Man-scheme-i switch bodies, “Freaky Friday” style. (OK, “The Change-Up” style.) Predictably, the convo takes a winding path through the history of Michael and fistfights, and the history of Jake and the women of Melrose. Come along! 0:00:00 Jake the surgeon 0:06:13 Michael’s VHS blackmail plot 0:11:03 Michael is not a fighter 0:17:29 In praise of Michael 0:19:00 Jake, husband of Jane 0:25:04 Dr. Mancini, undoctored? 0:27:31 A template for Jake-Michael body swap sequels

["Responsibly Yours"] The MELROSE MADNESS podcast is back once again, with your hosts Lisa & Wayne and producers Ilana & Chris taking a long look at Melrose Place season 1 episode 9. In which: Billy’s fraud, sociopathy, and protagonist syndrome collide with a single mother who is essentially bad decisions made flesh. Jake’s rules for dating collide with his own lust and rage. Billy’s elbow collides with Alison’s boob. And, oh yeah. There. Is. A. Child. Involved. 0:00:00 The long view of Melrose Place (still spoiler-free) 0:04:05 Lisa & Wayne, farting around 0:05:52 Billy is a liar, from the beginning 0:09:43 There’s a child involved here 0:12:28 Genre-hopping in search of a tone 0:14:54 Martin falls into Billy’s trap 0:15:44 Getting deep about Billy’s money handling 0:16:30 Alison’s bread handling (and the horrifying meals of Melrose Place) 0:21:24 Billy elbows Alison, right in the boob 0:23:58 Fashion: Dawn’s wardrobe 0:24:37 The problem with Billy’s cab-based dating strategy 0:26:16 Billy is the main character in any scenario (if you ask him) 0:32:01 The stasis problem and the replaceability of cast members 0:34:04 Sandy & Jake’s nonplot 0:38:04 Dreaming Jake & Michael in “Change-Up” 0:40:10 Never accept tickets to an open mic 0:45:23 Bringing it back to poor Martin (and “the MILF guy”) 0:47:01 “Just One of the Guys” 0:48:59 The worst thing Alison did 0:50:01 A low-key running theme: The terribleness of Jane’s Mancini Original designs 0:51:28 Extras of the week: Sexy dancers at Shooters 0:52:28 Producer Ilana’s coffee count (and respecting consent) 0:54:17 Quotations

["Lonely Hearts"] MELROSE MADNESS hosts Lisa & Wayne break down Melrose Place season 1 episode 8. Producers Ilana & Chris help explore the ins and outs of the latest issues episode. The issue of the week? Stalking. But the problem may be less with guest creep Paul, and more with the Melrosians who encourage him to pursue Sandy. (Or with the messages that society sent in the 90s and still sends today.) The Melrose Madness crew sorts through the rubble: the perils of cooking breakfast without pants, the psychology of poolside motorcycle repair, and whatever’s going on with Jane’s shirt. Come along! 0:00:00 Opening digression: Wayne and style 0:04:20 The attack on Sandy, and the inevitability thereof 0:06:23 Getting personal: Wayne and teenage bad ideas about romance 0:07:51 On the gender binary, gray areas, and what do after you know better 0:13:17 Dreaming a future for Paul 0:14:13 The Issues Episode: Stalking 0:18:45 The dilemma of being famous without being rich 0:19:50 Alison’s B-story: Treading water in a fetid swamp 0:20:46 Sandy & Paul’s meet cute: Never pick someone up on Melrose 0:22:24 Terrorize her with flowers 0:25:53 Suddenly making Alison’s storyline deep 0:26:42 The coyness trap 0:27:20 An aside about Captain Melrose 0:27:46 Paul’s proto-incel rant 0:28:34 Get out of town, Paul! 0:32:52 Jake’s own brand of toxic masculinity 0:34:31 The harsh contrast of Sandy’s and Jake’s door watching styles 0:35:45 Captain Melrose, not to the rescue 0:38:36 Our hero, Sandy 0:40:24 Bad friends/bad people 0:43:51 Jake’s poolside motorcycle repair 0:45:44 Lisa’s “Alive” tangent 0:47:29 The stasis of the Alison B-story (and looking forward to Amanda) 0:49:56 Fashion: Sandy’s Mancini original, possibly from the maternity wear line 0:53:50 Jake’s Seattle-style thermal summer wear 0:54:34 Jane’s terrible optical illusion shirt 0:58:22 Sandy wearing Jake’s shirt and no pants 1:06:34 Never take Billy car shopping 1:10:08 Food: Billy’s ice cream with M&M’s, and the relatability thereof 1:12:15 Extra of the week: Despondent Shooter’s waitress 1:13:44 The worst thing Alison did 1:16:03 Quotations

["My Way"] Melrose Maniacs, assemble! In this episode of the MELROSE MADNESS podcast, hosts Lisa & Wayne sift through the happenings in Melrose Place season 1 episode 7, with the stalwart support of producers Ilana & Chris. This one's heavy on food (if you couldn't tell from our title), and your guides on this wild ride become captivated by a mystery meal a la Dr. Michael Mancini. In other news, Sandy falls victim to the least likely 90s harasser, Billy and his Campbell progenitors display their utter crappiness, and answering machine politics come into play. (Also, what is an answering machine anyway?) Join us! 0:00:00 A watershed moment: First scheme, first Bad Dad/Business Daddy 0:03:30 Change, but then not 0:04:41 Pasta Mancini (and a busted leg) 0:07:28 Michael is cooking … “something” 0:16:04 Interruptions of the feline variety 0:17:00 Things we gained in the fire 0:23:33 Conspiracy theory: Jane sabotaged dinner 0:26:08 Jane, the original schemer? 0:29:10 Chili fuck, revisited 0:31:10 Bringing it back around to Pasta Mancini 0:33:16 The problem with Sandy 0:35:44 Affirmations repudiated 0:36:06 Doing things your way … like an asshole 0:37:18 An unlikely source for sexual harassment 0:39:46 Jake’s dangerous invitation, Sandy’s empowerment 0:42:01 Rhonda, receiving (and giving) assholery 0:46:10 Matt takes the cake 0:48:52 Jake is such a big asshole 0:49:22 Billy & the Palm Springs Kidnapping 0:51:02 Let’s talk about Mrs. Campbell 0:52:19 The Billy & Alison Problem 0:53:40 Food: Mrs. Campbell & the special event dessert 1:00:02 Billy vs. Mrs. Seinfeld/Billy vs. the truth 1:04:02 Enjoy the wackiness while it lasts 1:05:00 Billy, the Incredible Sulk (again) 1:06:15 Commercial break 1:07:01 Billy & Alison: Wayne has questions 1:18:15 The worst thing Alison did 1:22:02 Extra of the week: Judge-y statues 1:22:44 Quotations 1:26:10 Billy’s assholery revisited: Flowers and dick-flaps (and Wayne is dying) 1:29:01 It’s Melrose Places all the way down 1:32:39 A final quotation and the poignance of Sandy Credit for the commercials - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Music provided by RockSounds: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDCrpV76YhBzQkOSrvnRa1A - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

["Second Chances"] What can we say about Melrose Place 106? A lot, it turns out! This episode of the Melrose Madness podcast unearths the quirks of human behavior (and not-so-human behavior) on display as Alison tutors Jake and Rhonda faces her fears. Modern dance! Checkered pasts! Sexy mysteries! More mantleberries! Come along for some serious spelunking of the pop culture cavern that is Melrose Place with your hosts Lisa and Wayne and producers Ilana and Chris. 0:00:00 Alison & Jake: Too wholesome to be sexual 0:05:34 Rhonda & Matt: Nobody likes modern dance 0:10:00 Jake’s distaste for all things “multicultural” 0:13:29 Alison, the college cram queen 0:18:43 Tangent: This one’s a shocker! 0:20:35 Commercial break 0:21:23 Alison & Billy: Being awful, together 0:23:59 No one believes that Alison got laid 0:26:07 Alison & Jake: The proposition 0:30:03 Jake & Sandy: Takin’ out the trash 0:35:33 Alison: Not particularly terrible, overall, for once 0:37:34 Jake looks like a psychopath sometimes 0:38:50 Dreamin’ about schemin’ 0:40:56 The dilemma of continuity, the weight of fandom 0:48:10 Tangent: A conspiracy theory about the murder of Jason Todd’s Robin 0:50:03 Billy aka the Incredible Sulk 0:52:27 Alison & Jake: High school confidential 0:54:10 Alison & Jake: The kiss and the quiz 0:58:40 Alison & Jake: Did they smash? 1:00:46 Commercial break No. 2 1:01:28 Jake’s jobs (and a little bit of the story of how Wayne was made) 1:10:12 GED party: A mortar board whodunnit 1:13:23 GED party: Ruining happy hour at Shooters 1:16:08 Tangent: Coyote Ugly 1:18:08 Things on TV in the ’90s that weren’t real in real life 1:20:19 TV vs. reality Pt. 2: The world of dance 1:22:49 The music substitution: No, I don’t have the power 1:24:18 Fashion: Rhonda’s enmeshment 1:26:34 Rhonda’s passion for dance 1:27:43 Rhonda, cardiofunk, and job snobbery 1:29:16 Rhonda, ahead of her time/timeless 1:31:06 Rhonda’s storyline, unfortunately weak 1:32:20 Rhonda’s dance: An accidental moment of Black joy (and a joy to see) 1:35:49 Rhonda’s backstory 1:37:20 Food: Return of the mantleberries 1:38:10 Rhonda: “No carbs, no way” 1:38:46 Extra of the week: Tower Records & Video 1:39:22 The worst thing Alison did 1:40:23 Producer Ilana’s coffee count 1:41:21 Quotation Credit for the commercials - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Music provided by RockSounds: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCDCrpV76YhBzQkOSrvnRa1A - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -