This week on Page 7, MJ confirms to King Lord Holden and Jackie that Golden Bachelorette always opens on sad weeping men, Jackie thanks those who recommended the upcoming "Later Daters", MJ and Holden defend themselves against the lies spread about them regarding Sea Shanties, Holden threatens to X-POZE Jackie on not feelin' Thanksgiving this year and attempt to fix it, Jackie will be offering her account ohnoitsjackie up to the Ban Gods on twitch to host this years Macy's Parade stream (6am pst/9am est!) cause of Holdens strike for the Oscars stream and MJ will be droppin' by, so it's that time of year to get 3 RumChunkas deep before lunch! Holden speaks to having a very sad day to have a birthday much like the former 3rd host of P7, Martha Stewart want's to have a different documentary made (despite the fact everyone seems to love this one), and channels her documentary rage into takin' down Miss Piggy in a fit of icy anger, Chicken Shop Date also did a very sweet and entertaining Muppets episode with Elmo, Ariana Grande and Cynthia Erivo seem like they are so done with the Wicked press tour and can't be excited for Part II's rollout next year, and Dax Shepard isn't helping with his questions like "HOW DO YOU WIPE YOUR ASS?". In Celebrity Conspiracy Corner: Is Lorde Actually A Bird? Part II, and on The List: times costars working relationships were so fraught that they reportedly did not want to appear on camera together, Blindz, and SHOUT OUTZ!

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This week on Talkin' TV "Golden Bachelorette" is wrapping up, much like the lives of the sadness goblins on the show BUT WILL WE GET THE TELEVIZED WEDDING!? Jackie continues the transition out of 31 for 31, Holden's making Mean Girl-esque plans to sabotage the group of 'California Dads' at Wynnie's school so he's no longer the "fat" one, MJ brings dark news of the Chuck E Cheese near them droppin' booze of the menu, Jackie had a true kino filmic experience with M Night's "OLD" and surely will one day recover from another Shyamalanian twist, Holden and MJ report back their thoughts on "Deadpool & Wolverine"! Jackie is all caught up on "House of Villains" till the new episode drops, and Holden is ready for more NEW YORK after finishing his "Flavor of Love 2" watch along on Twitch! MJ and Jackie hear the call to return to "Real Housewives of Salt Lake City" but aren't sure they want to answer to call. Holden is the only one still workin' on "Agatha All Along", but everyone can agree it's amazing, plus Jackie gives a brief review of "Heretic" from the theatre and more!!!

Golden Bachelorette - Hulu

Old - Peacock

Deadpool and Wolverine - Disney+

House of Villains Season 2 - Peacock

Agatha All Along - Disney+

Heretic - IN THE THEATAHHHHHHHH

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This week Jackie lets MJ and Holden know no one can break her stride, despite the fact that People Magazine thinks it's 2007 by making John Krasinski the Sexist Man Alive, Holden gives a brief rundown of Noor Alfallah and her habit of bonin' men so old they could turn to dust at any moment, Jackie decided to spread the sadness of the Golden Bachelorette far and wide by forcing everyone to read an article about how lonely seniors are now, Mariah has to listen to her own music to bang, and Carey is on her Christmas tour and her kids are intermission performers, so it's a fully Careymerssive event! There was a Dev Patel lookalike contest, but he didn't show up like thimethee did, Jackie has begun the ritual and crafted her first Turkey dinner of the season, Mattel's Wicked doll boxes have a WICKEDLY SALACIOUS PRINTING ERROR, plus much like the musical also feature a lot of girl girl action, and Jackie's gettin' pumped for the real Wicked movie while Holden's itching to see it with a nona, any nona! Ariana Grande is trying to save the Tower of Terror in Orlando and it's swaying Jackie, but Holden REFUSES TO BOW TO HER despite Jackie having inside word she's super nice, which brings us to a COUNTERPOINT CELEBRITY CONSPIRACY CORNER - YES JACKIE, ARIANA IS STILL EVIL plus a list of times celebrities volunteered information that we really really did not need to know, Blindz and SHOUT OUTSSSSS!

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