“I know that my parents loved me fiercely. I’m not sure if they liked me. And that dominated a lot of the relationships in my life & so that means that there was a wrongness in me.”

Feeling different growing up as a queer child is a common thread for many guests on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ This week’s guest echoes that.

Gray Burke-Stowe (he/him) is the Lead Researcher for Trans+ History Week so I get to work with him again this year as we veer towards year two, 5 - 11 May. With his academic background, love of literature, characters & history plus his self-confessed status as a ‘big nerd’, Gray is the driving force behind the Trans+ History Week Workbook which is fundamental to the overall objective - giving people the trans+ history lesson they never had.

Gray grew up in the south of America and though they were part of a big extended family, they felt they lived a fairly solitary existence within that. Intellectually, little Gray was above many of their classmates which led to further exclusion from regular activities at school - yet being just a child, he lacked the emotional maturity to understand why. Gray simply didn’t “fit the mould” and shares how he was often seen as an ‘intrusion’ or ‘challenge’. And he did challenge things too & talks about a successful school petition to start a drama club. He also reveals how he was acting before he’d even got on stage when it came to his queerness.

When Gray found himself in a church, he was subjected to conversion therapy - an experience he kept hidden for years. As life started to turn itself around at university, he was then coerced into an abusive relationship following an illness which was followed by addiction to opioids. Gray talks about ‘main character energy’ yet this was a period where he lost control of his life & story. Survival mode eventually led to him breaking free.

These days, so many things bring Gray joy - especially parenting his two children & he shares wonderful anecdotes & insights. We also dive into Gray’s distinction between sobriety & true recovery having been part of a queer centred recovery community focusing on shared trauma in identity. “If you have something to offer, offer it. If you need something, ask for it” are Gray’s words of wisdom that we should all take on board, especially given how demanding & divisive things feel right now.

This episode covers some challenging topics around mental health, conversion therapy & addiction so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

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