“Don’t think if you haven’t got to where you want to be in your twenties it’s game over. Because it’s really not. You can achieve great things at any point in your life."

Solid advice from this week’s guest on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ especially in a society obsessed with youth & achieving things whilst young.

Roxy Bourdillon (she/her) spent a decade bouncing between jobs, dealing with rejection & not knowing if she’d ever land her dream job of being a writer. Fast forward to today, Roxy is the Editor-in-Chief of DIVA, the world’s leading magazine for LGBTQIA+ women & non-binary people. And though she jokes during this conversation about people not taking advice from her given how long it took her to get where she wanted to be, Roxy Bourdillon is a shining example of why it’s so important to not give up on your dreams or write yourself off.

RIGHT NOW is also a super exciting time for Roxy as she’s written her debut book & it’s available to buy TOMORROW! ‘What a Girl Wants: A (True) Story of Sexuality and Self-Discovery’ is a funny feminist soul bearing memoir about what it was really like for Roxy growing up & navigating the world as a woman who happens to really really love women in a world that can sometimes make you feel terrible about both of those things. I had the privilege of reading it ahead of this conversation and trust me, it’s bloody funny AF but so so touching too. My review is below…

We chat all about the book & Roxy’s creative processes as well as her role at Diva magazine & the moment she landed her first writing job for it! We also explore Roxy’s passion for the LGBTQ+ community, life by the sea in Hasting with her partner Naomi, her love of Dolly Parton & her beautiful relationship with her Nan which you’ll truly feel when reading the book. This was such a gorgeous conversation - enjoy & go buy the book ASAP. It’s a must-read.

GO BUY WHAT A GIRL WANTS!! Ideally from your local queer book shop please.

My review of Roxy’s FANTASTIC debut book…

‘What a Girl Wants’ is packed full of heartwarming, heartbreaking & HILARIOUS moments & escapades from Roxy's life. It's a queer time-machine ride back to special places & spaces from a beloved time on the scene along with the most gayest, nostalgic cultural references you could wish for. It's a history lesson & a crucial call to action for allyship & solidarity. And finally, it's a deep, unapologetic & beautiful display of pure love & affection for women & the LGBTQ+ community".

“I wish I’d grew up in a household… in a world... that would have allowed me to live a softer life and be kinder to myself. To be more open. More trusting. But unfortunately, that’s just not how it was for me. And for many people.”

This is just part of my conversation with my guest for this week’s episode of ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ as they reflect on their experience of growing up in an environment that didn’t allow much room for autonomy, freedom or individuality. Yes in their home life but as we also cover, more widely with societal expectations.

Benjy Kusi (he/him) is a wellbeing & inclusion consultant who is well-known for producing social media content that promotes kindness, justice & critical thinking. He’s also an author, public speaker & all round grafter who loves a side quest/ hustle/ mission. As a regular consumer of what Benjy puts out there, I was delighted he said yes to being a guest on the podcast. As shared above, we explore what life was like for ‘Little Benjy’ and how he learned to embrace his loudness & confidence as a form of protection, & later defiance, as a Black, queer kid.

He excitedly talks about finding freedom at university and explains how his early career in sales resulted in him being fired but that a detour into marketing & setting up an ERG, which he admits he didn’t quite appreciate the significance of to start with, has led to the Benjy we know & love now.

Benjy is all about creating the content, representation & visibility he needed. And still needs for himself & others. Especially as an out & proud Ghanaian. His drive & passion shine through and he likes to think that somehow, he’s creating an alternate universe where things could have been different without need to consider barriers around identity & race.

We also chat about our shared love of being active, the crucial difference between kindness & being nice, those who have shaped him along the way, his journey of self actualisation and lots more. Enjoy!

Find Benjy on Substack, Instagram, Tiktok & LinkedIn for regular, brilliant content!

Hope This Helps - How To Be Kinder To Yourself & Others is a must read. Grab it from an independent & queer book retailer if you can!

“I know that my parents loved me fiercely. I’m not sure if they liked me. And that dominated a lot of the relationships in my life & so that means that there was a wrongness in me.”

Feeling different growing up as a queer child is a common thread for many guests on ‘Pause. And Rewind…’ This week’s guest echoes that.

Gray Burke-Stowe (he/him) is the Lead Researcher for Trans+ History Week so I get to work with him again this year as we veer towards year two, 5 - 11 May. With his academic background, love of literature, characters & history plus his self-confessed status as a ‘big nerd’, Gray is the driving force behind the Trans+ History Week Workbook which is fundamental to the overall objective - giving people the trans+ history lesson they never had.

Gray grew up in the south of America and though they were part of a big extended family, they felt they lived a fairly solitary existence within that. Intellectually, little Gray was above many of their classmates which led to further exclusion from regular activities at school - yet being just a child, he lacked the emotional maturity to understand why. Gray simply didn’t “fit the mould” and shares how he was often seen as an ‘intrusion’ or ‘challenge’. And he did challenge things too & talks about a successful school petition to start a drama club. He also reveals how he was acting before he’d even got on stage when it came to his queerness.

When Gray found himself in a church, he was subjected to conversion therapy - an experience he kept hidden for years. As life started to turn itself around at university, he was then coerced into an abusive relationship following an illness which was followed by addiction to opioids. Gray talks about ‘main character energy’ yet this was a period where he lost control of his life & story. Survival mode eventually led to him breaking free.

These days, so many things bring Gray joy - especially parenting his two children & he shares wonderful anecdotes & insights. We also dive into Gray’s distinction between sobriety & true recovery having been part of a queer centred recovery community focusing on shared trauma in identity. “If you have something to offer, offer it. If you need something, ask for it” are Gray’s words of wisdom that we should all take on board, especially given how demanding & divisive things feel right now.

This episode covers some challenging topics around mental health, conversion therapy & addiction so please take care of yourself whilst listening.

For news & updates on Trans+ History Week, subscribe to Queer AF & follow us on Instagram, Bluesky & LinkedIn! Download the Workbook too to hear more about the lessons covered + guidance on how you can organise activities & events to celebrate the week!