RESOURCES MENTIONED:

1. Prepare Enrich Couples Assessment: https://www.prepare-enrich.com/couples/why-prepare-enrich/

--Preparation, Enrichment, Restoration

--Assess strengths & growth areas with guided support

2. HEAL CLASS (Heal Emotions And Relationship Troubles) by Renee Fleming. Contact for more details.

3. Book - Thawing Childhood Abandonment Issues by Don Carter, MSW, LCSW

4. Work of John Gottman: https://www.gottman.com/

5. Dr. Mark Hyman Meme IG: “The majority of arguments between couples are around 3 main areas – control & power, care & closeness, and respect & recognition.”

SHOW NOTES:

• Personal & Relational Change is driven by growth/safety or pain/crisis.
• Underneath most pain is a message/belief/question/fear about “am I loved” and/or “am I enough”?
• Needs, Wounds, Dreams (for Self, Relationship), & Fears can drive healthy vulnerability/connection or conflict/power struggles.

NEEDS:

A. Survival Needs = Basic Needs: food shelter, clothing, medical attention, safety & protection. If a child doesn’t feel safe, then they cannot relax & play; disrupts developmental growth. Protective mechanisms will develop for survival & will become an added burden later in life.

B. Emotional Dependency Needs = Basic & Primary Needs for Love & Esteem = Time, Attention, Affection, & Direction.

WOUNDS from “The Past”: When NEEDS aren’t met and/or something happens or doesn’t happen that should in the absence of support. These wounds HURT & adaptive (defensive, protective, proactive/extreme/reactive) strategies are then developed & repeated.

Common Emotional Injuries/Wounds: being controlled, excluded, abandoned, humiliated, neglected, abused, betrayed, rejected, ignored, & disrespected.

Suggested Partner Conversation: It might be helpful to discuss with your partner, how your families of origin handled or reacted to each of the main ”primary” emotions: mad, sad, scared, & glad. In other words, what was accepted/encouraged & what was avoided/minimized/shamed?

Self-Check: Assess what is overdeveloped, underdeveloped, or appropriately skillful….?

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