Thank you for joining us and tracking with this conversation describing ten ways to engage with someone who has been sexually violated in a religious setting:

6. Be intentional in your language: there are linguistic religious and spiritual constructs that actually harm the person who had been violated. Including but not limited to telling them you are praying for them, encouraging them to read Scripture, giving them notes with Scripture; sharing visions you had of them or for them etc., telling them to forgive their abuser, encouraging them to have more faith, questioning their ‘level’ of spirituality, and generally weaponizing spiritual dogma and practices. For more information on this topic, listen to the HV Podcast Season 2, Episode 6 with Danielle Tumminio-Hansen here:
https://www.buzzsprout.com/1979877?client_source=large_player&iframe=true&referrer=https:
//www.buzzsprout.com/1979877.js?container_id=buzzsprout-large-player&player=large#
7. Empower them: keep consent at the forefront and meet the person who has been victimized where they are don’t pull them to where you think they should be or where you want them to be. Match their pacing and do your work on your own if you struggle to slow down to meet them. NOTE: this includes not pressuring them to disclose on your timeline or the church’s timeline and possibly supporting their decision to not disclose at all
Key themes – autonomy and dignity
8. Engage through a trauma informed lens: Your behaviours and words should be vetted
through the lens of safety, collaboration, empowerment, trustworthiness & transparency, peer support, and cultural safety. Elaborate on these and help listeners get a sense of what the would look like in behaviour.
9. Refer and defer to professionals: do not stretch beyond your scope as it can and likely will do more harm than good. Know what resources are available while also not pressuring the survivor to engage until they are ready. Simply say, “I don’t know but I can find out.” when you don’t know the answer. Stay engaged as long as they need to or as long as it is healthy for you to do so and rally a team of people to support you as you support them.
10.Do not position those who have been victimized as the educator or expert: Don’t put the burden on them to educate you or anyone else and don’t wait around or expect them to let you know how to be helpful. Do not say “Let me know what I can do…”