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The Battery Operated Magic Toupee travels to Planet Terseconsise, the .planet that is the most succinct, terse and concise in the multiverse because it has only three words in its dictionary to describe it’s succinct, terse and conciseness: succinct, terse and concise.

One cannot call the planet stupid since ‘stupid’ isn’t one of the three words: there’s just succinct, terse and concise. Philosopher J. Wilingford Cruton once commented “Planet Terseconsise is indescribable”, however philosopher Milton Doganus disagrees and described it as “succinct, terse and concise. “

The planet also smells like a dead walrus’ anus however ‘dead’, ‘walrus, and ‘anus’ aren’t in the dictionary so locals just describe the smell as “succinct, terse and concise”. After an urgent warning about sticking things in your arse (which you can skip by just not sticking things in your arse), an interview with culprit/ producer of the latest dud not sweeping the country or even the back alley: “The Butler Who Murdered The Millionaire”. After a word about premature ejaculation, including the word “Ooops”, we feature one of the moving exclusives of a father’s misguided love for his baby boy with as the Frimpton Baby poops Itself.

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BOMT watches its back and removes the knives as they appear in it as it revisits a world in which comedy writers are unnecessary since all the universe’s absurd, preposterous, and ridiculous crap has fallen from a wormhole and in the midst of a steamining intergalactic shitfest created a parallel stenchverse where satire and comedy is impossible as no comedy writer could ever imagine anything more ridiculous or absurd than writes itself since it is embedded in the very air they breathe.

It is the world of politics.

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BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) shiftily sleazes backwards through the stench tunnel leading to the most putrid arsepit of sleaze and corruption, an antiuniverse where integrity has been replaced by putrid pig mick. It is the world of politics. It is a world where the entire population takes intelligence tests and the lowest scores win and govern and the highest scores lose and are governed.

We begin with the best tip on how to vote this upcoming election: “Vote for the Lesser Asshole.”

Next, in order to remain fair and impartial, we give equal time to party political broadcasts for “The Fucking Embarrassing Party” (this is truth in advertising… they really are fucking embarrassing) , “The Don’t Vote Party” (which has the wisest platform and they stand for not voting) , “The New Woke NAZI Party” (The goosestep goes woke), and “The ME Party” (which boasts the most common form of politician since, for them, EVERYTHING is about ME).
Stanley Shminglefart attempts to record a campaign speech and overcome his laughable name.

“The Liberal Inclusive Party” proves how inclusive they are, they can produce photos of their candidates standing next to every race, religion and type of person that a person can identitfy with, with the exception of somewhat normal podcast listeners.

We follow with political messages from the indescribable “Party of No Fixed Abode (and since it is indescribable we will not attempt to describe it) and “the Pity Party” (whether or not you vore for them – open your heart and please pity these poor, pathetic, unelectable bastards).

Finally –the revolutionary Sound Behind brings its revolutionary AI technology to the Margret Thatcher’s most famous speech as we hear the REAL goings-on behind the scenes.
Welcome/ warning intro
Theme music montage
Vote for the Lesser Asshole
Political Message – The Fucking Embarrassing Party
Political Message – The Don’t Vote Party
Political Message – The New Woke NAZI Party
Political Message – The ME Party
Vote Shminglefart
Political Message – The Liberal Inclusive Party
(PODCAST PROMO)
Political Message –Party of No Fixed Abode
Political Message – the Pity Party
THE SOUND BEHIND – Oooooh that Thatcher
Closing Credits

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BOMT (The Battery Operated Magic Toupee) goes hardcore e-S&M, submissively puts on a Kalavax dog collar, begged for forgiveness from the dominant Schlooglehabs of Planet Imyoubitch4, and insisted to be disciplined. It digitally exclaimed “I’m a naughty multidimensional toupee which is magical and operated by batteries… scrape my anticorrosive electrodes, drain my schmibblepiss fluid, suck my multi-dimension hyper- circuitstick and make me beg like the slut velutian veetlebink I am.”

We start with a question to the many of you who suffer in silence as you left your leg to a tree… “Do you have the toilet habits of a dog”

Next: Don’t Scrub Your Privates With Steel Wool. By privates we refer to your genitals, and by genitals we refer to your penis or vagina. And why shouldn’t you scrub your penis or vagina with steel wool? You’ll need to listen to get the answer.

Next a commercial message from Bonzo Butcher Budget Beef. Save money with our discount goat vaginas and the largest selection of assholes in the industry, including discount donkey rectums.

Next – the not famous Bert Smolinski of the not well known Bert Smolinski attempts a talent show… over an audio podcast.

Finally – a pandemic of loose pubic hair is coming. Listen to this warning so that you can prepare yourself for the devastating (and pretty disgusting) devastation of what is to come.
Welcome/ warning intro Theme music montage Do you have dog toilet habits?? - coming attraction Don’t Scrub Your Privates With Steel Wool Bonzo Butcher Beef commercial Talent Contest (PODCAST PROMO) Pubic Hair warning Closing Credits

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BOMT (The Battery-Operated magic Toupee) cloddingly clomped through “Huh-Um-Duh” the most illiterate dumbed down arse tunnel of the multiverse. The following was written inside the Ignorancy Wave Field of Huh-Um-Duh:

“BOMT go in thing. Go BOMT go. BOMT do farty sound, ha-ha, laff at BOMT pooy smell noise.”

As you listen to the episode, please make allowances that it was produced by people who are dysfunctional illiterates and are SO unsophisticated that most of their day is spent laughing at farts and poos and creating the very things they laugh at. The tragedy of the situation is that the creators have never been to Huh-Um-Duh and have been this way their whole lives on Earth.

The episode begins with help for those who suffer an anus prolapse every time one sneezes, which can become particularly embarrassing during hay fever season.

Having the pronoun “They” or “Vey” has become passé now that you can have your own exclusive, personalised, customised pronoun only at the The Bootibum Personalised Gender and Pronoun Shop.

We feature an exclusive about Brantaslovavich’s most famous comedian and most depressing depressed manic-depressive in Brantaslovavich.

Many people want to make it and don’t make it due to not having THE missing ingredient which is revealed in the latest episode of ‘How To Make It with Eddie ‘Fucking’ Hollywood’.

How did wars such as WW1 and WW2 and the upcoming WW3 get such original and creatives names? Discover the secret at our visit to The War Marketing Office.

We end with the messiest and stickiest sporting event of the decade – the Masturbation Championships.

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Sneezing Anus Prolapse - coming attraction

The Bootibum Personalised Gender and Pronoun Shop

Brantaslovavich’s Most Famous Comedian

How To Make It with Eddie ‘Fucking’ Hollywood

(PODCAST PROMO)

War Marketing Office

Masturbation Championships

Closing Credits

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BOMT lands on the planet Attitude

Look buddy - we’ll tell you what this sodding episode of BOMT is about but DON’T ‘F-us-about’, okay!

I apologise. BOMT is visiting the Planet Attitude, a planet which boast the most attitude of any planet in the multiverse and it just got to me… the attitude. And… why the ‘F’ am I having to explain this shit to you? Who the hell do you think you are that… sorry it happened again. The AGF (Attitude Gravitas Force) of the planet deeply affects me.

We recommend that, before listening to this episode, you apologise to those around you in advance because the attitude will get you. And ‘F’ you if you don’t believe me and… sorry.

The episode begins with a warning about the most embarrassing sexual thing that can happen which is even more embarrassing than a limp, tiny, todger… losing control of your bowls during sex.

We then listen to another episode that, coincidentally, gets more complains than any other social media show: ‘Kev’s Complaints’.

Have you ever stepped in doggie poop and ruined your shoes? Well it may be time for you to buy the latest and greatest technological breakthrough: ‘The Turde Shite Detector’, which is SO sophisticated that we use the classy word ‘shite’ instead of the working class ‘shit’.

If you’re a sports fan then you are probably already not familiar at all with the greatest baseball legend in the multiverse: Skinny Stevenson and the tale of the first anal catch.

Finally – a warning about that restaurant that you are about the eat in: This Restaurant Doesn’t Take Shit. For those of you who have eaten in restaurants who take shit – this is what happens when you eat in one that doesn’t.

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Losing control of Bowels during Sex

Kev Complains

The Turde Shite detector

(PODCAST PROMO)

The Sports Legend of Skinny Stevenson

This Restaurant Doesn’t Take Shit

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8 May 2024

On our premier, very first, episode: BOMT (The Battery-Operated Magic Toupee) transmits from the multiverse: ‘Douche Colossus’, known as the most self-centred ‘me-verse’ of the multiverse.

If you’re listening from Douche Colossus, please reframe from writing love poems to yourself for a moment and listen to the first sketch which asks the critical existential question, “Are you a douche?” And, if you are, do you know which part of the body you should be cleaning?

Strap yourself in for another thrilling adventure of ‘Frank Schwab: School detective’. This week feckless Frank solves the stench infested mystery of the heinous, overpowering, pants pooper.

And, if you think the humour can’t get any lower, next is everyone’s favourite sexual do-it-yourself programme: Practical Sexuality, where you will learn what you can and cannot fit inside you and where in your body you should never stick it.

Humble yourself to the film bio of the most amazing, important, human on the face of the Earth, the man Jesus, God, and all 33 million deities of Hinduism aspire to be like: The Leonard Q. Banglebaum Jr Story.

We conclude our journey to this multiverse with the most pressing issue that threatens extension of our species: the natural gas that the human-ish body expels every moment, is killing our planet, and making a journeys in a sealed elevator unbreathable. We follow the heroic anti-flatulence fascist ‘Just Stop Gas’ complainers/campaigners as they demonstrate why you shouldn’t glue your penis to priceless paintings in protest and how to clench, hold in your natural body gas, and save the planet.

Visit our Patreon page for membership:

patreon.com/BOMT_Podcast

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There is really not much we can say as the Battery Operated Toupee unmotivatingly visits the most uninspired dimension in the multiverse. TV ads drone the message, “Are you feeling inspired and lit up – well we now have something to cure that.” We’d like to write more about this episode and dimension – but why bother. It wont make much difference, will not REALLY be funny and I’m about to yawn and will need to take my fingers off the keyboard and cover my moth.

The episode insipidly begins with asking the universal philosophical question of our age, “Are you a weird fucking asshole?” The answer will not astonish you.

Gerold presents the next episode of “Fitting In “, how to fin it in any situation at any time regardless of whether you fit in or not.

For all you politically correct geniuses: Politically Correct Science and Mathematics uses science and mathematics to finally work out how many genders there are and how science throughout the ages has been forwarded by the sexual desires of scientists.

Finally – the Sound Behind brings its revolutionary AI technology to the 1972 Academy Awards and overhear the conversation between the z-list film maker Felton Oleary, creator or the never produced never-seller “Filthy Frank” and his producer,

BOMT (The Battery-Operated magic Toupee)

Welcome/ warning intro

Theme music montage

Are you a weird fucking asshole?

Fitting In

Politically Correct Science and Mathematics

{PODCAST PROMO)

The Sound Behind: Academy Awards and Filthy Frank

Closing Credits