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  • Do You Truly Accept and Understand Your Underlying Personality Traits?

    Do You Truly Accept and Understand Your Underlying Personality Traits?
    2018/06/22
    Many people wish they were different. They compare themselves with others and think that life would be better if only they had their traits, gifts, and confidence. They struggle to accept their nature, and in so doing fail to enjoy everything their uniqueness brings. “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” - Howard Thurman Think about it for a second. What the world needs is for you to conform to its own needs. It needs you to buy the stuff it says you need. It needs you to be predictable. What the world needs is for you to fit in and be like everyone else. In other words, it needs you to rely on the stuff it paints as important, and neglect the stuff that actually matters to you. Perhaps this is better described as what the world "wants". Because as Thurman says, what the world actually "needs" is people who have come alive. A world of people who have come alive is a world of love, creativity, and acceptance. It's a world where people live at peace with themselves, and in full acceptance of the aliveness of everyone else. Stop asking what the world wants from you. Forget trying to change in order to fit in better. Look at what brings you joy, and accept those parts of yourself. What brings you to a place of flow? Do those things and the wants, comparisons, envy, and unhealthy competitiveness will naturally drain away. In this episode of the podcast we look at these ideas in more depth. We examine the first of three disciplines that come from Stoic Philosophy, which is a great help to us as we think about how to thrive as introverts and sensitive types in the modern world. How can you accept who you are? We consider the Big 5 Personality Traits, and what they can teach us about how who we are is both fixed and flexible. By accepting what is fixed, we are able to develop our temperamental flexibility. I share why personality is like a bead on a rubber band. It's my hope that by the end of the episode you will see that you have more control over your personality than you might otherwise think.
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    34 分
  • The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Still Has a Lot to Teach Us (a chat with Bo Miller)

    The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Still Has a Lot to Teach Us (a chat with Bo Miller)
    2018/04/01
    You may well be familiar with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. It's one of the most recognised and used personality tests in the world. It is based on the psychological theory of Carl Jung along with Katherine Cook Briggs and Isabel Briggs Myers. In this week's podcast I chat with Bo Miller, who is an author, blogger, podcaster, introvert, and certified Myers-Briggs practitioner. He helps people identify and maximise their unique gifts through his website, iSpeakPeople. It's a site for INFJs (a Myers-Briggs personality type). However, Bo publishes great stuff for introverts of all colours. You can download his free ebook, The INFJ Personality Guide, which is a fantastically in depth look at life as an INFJ. Criticisms of The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator I loved talking to Bo about the MBTI, and its use in our lives. Over the years of working with introverts and sensitive types I have come across various critics of the test. It was lovely to talk with Bo though, who recognises that while it is not perfect, it carries a huge amount of value. It helps us better understand ourselves, others, and maximise our own impact on the world. Escaping Tribalism and Reductionistic Language Conversations about introversion can be deterministic; a pre-determined set of characteristics and values. Introverts have no control over what they are capable of...and what they are incapable of. We are good at building walls around ourselves, using labels to justify the behaviours and attitudes we want to get away with. But this is not helpful, necessary, or healthy. What I love about Bo Miller's approach to this topic is that he sees the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator as a tool we can use to free ourselves. It's not a tool to label and thus restrict our self-understanding, but one to help us better understand who we are and how we can create conditions in our lives for the best way of being. It's important for all of us to embrace this approach. To enjoy the validation of recognising ourselves in a certain personality profile, whether that's as an INFJ. But then to use it as a way to understand ourselves within the context of the richly spiced variety of humanity, of which we are but one small speck. In the interview you will learn: Why the MBTI is still relevant today What it helps us understand about ourselves and other people Why Bo wanted to be a licensed practitioner Bo's favourite kind of resources to create (as a podcaster, writer, YouTube creator etc) What advice Bo would impart to his younger self if he could How Bo balances family, work and business life, without burning out Over to You What did you enjoy about this interview? Has it changed anything in your understanding of yourself as an introvert? I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below. Support the Podcast and get bonus extras:
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    48 分
  • 75 | Well Worn

    75 | Well Worn
    2024/10/17
    In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I crack open the words "Well Worn", our most recent Kota exploration in The Haven. What comes to mind when you hear those words? An established footpath, a threadbare object, or a pair of shoes that have served you well? Thread Bear “Well” can be about health, satisfaction, or abundance. Yet it can also signify something done with care and purpose. “Worn,” on the other hand, evokes the passing of time, established use, and tiredness. It’s about what we put on, what shapes us, and what degrades over time. All of my life, I have been wearing them,the hand-me-downs, the pants too long,arms of sweaters stretched longer than mine,sleeves of shirts I rolled up like newspapers,those shoulders that would never stay in place,always remembering: we are here to fit in. And the very shoes that narrowed on my feet,I gave away or traded up for other people’s soles.I have thought somewhere there must be menwhose socks don’t shrink, whose buttons stay put,whose shirts never wear out at the elbows.I paid for what other people gave away. All of my life I wanted to stand tall,but as I grew up my clothes kept wearing out, whenin my child’s heart, I only wanted the comfort of corduroy,a face that didn’t need ironing, a crease that would stay put—these labels I hoped wouldn’t rub off.—Michael Magee The Key Areas The prompt evoked a bunch of areas to explore in our gathering. I have attempted to touch on as many as I can remember in this episode. It took us in some helpful directions where we were able to think about our relationship with creativity, sensitivity, and the stuff that matters most in life. Wearing The Skin We Are In We talked about how skin can tell a story of our lives through callouses, scars, and the marks of time. We considered how thick skin is earned through persistence and repetition, not something you simply "have". The Beauty of Imperfection I shared my love for how dents, stains, and wear give character to things. They signpost us to memories and stories in ways perfection can't. Well Worn Strength We thought about analogies like sanding down wood, a tree's established tension wood, and knocking in a cricket bat as examples of how wear enhances strength, potential, and longevity. It helps us go further, sustain longer, and refine our abilities. A Well-Worn Punch Life will throw setbacks and surprises our way. What does it mean to wear these punches well? Wearing Your Heart on Your Sleeve We discussed the meaning of this phrase and whether it's possible to wear your heart on your sleeve well (or poorly). Traditions, Rituals, and Relationships Well-worn habits, rituals, and traditions for individuals, relationships, and communities can help us connect with meaning and creative presence. But they can also grow stale and stagnant. How can we tell the difference? Cliche and Jargon When words are overused, their original meaning can be diluted and impotent. To Repair or Replace We discuss the balance between repairing what we value and knowing when to let go of what’s no longer serving us. Sentimental Value Items we love show the marks of time, love, and use. Their value transcends markets and money. Over to You How do you interpret the phrase "Well Worn"? I'd love to hear from you. If you fancy exploring with other gentle rebels, come and join us in The Haven.
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    51 分
  • 74 | Postcards From Serenity Island

    74 | Postcards From Serenity Island
    2024/09/23
    Do you enjoy journeys to imagined lands? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, you will hear a special issue of Coming To Our Senses. I’d love you to join as I share my postcards from Serenity Island. Serenity Island is an imagined world representing life's many very real terrains, landscapes, and environments. I wonder how it will look, sound, smell, feel, and taste to you... If you enjoy the postcards from Serenity Island, you'll love the full course. Learn more at serenityisland.me Postcards From Serenity IslandComing To Our Senses | PDF VersionComing To Our Senses | Audio/Video VersionPostcard 1: I'm Back on Serenity IslandPostcard 2: The Lake of TranquilityPostcard 3: The Movement WaterfallsPostcard 4: The Curiosity CavesPostcard 5: The Owl ParkPostcard 6: The Mystery MountainsPostcard 7: The Overlook TreehousesPostcard 8: The Forest of PlentyPostcard 9: The Peninsula of PurposePostcard 10: Two Ships BridgePostcard 11: The Play Trail MazePostcard 12: Final Greetings (for now) Coming To Our Senses | PDF Version Read the PDF version of Coming To Our Senses Coming To Our Senses | Audio/Video Version https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q1PiMCO8-r0& Postcard 1: I'm Back on Serenity Island People end up on Serenity Island for many reasons. For some, it is a refuge during times of loss. For others, it provides an anchor when things feel unstable. And for some, it’s somewhere to explore the voice of curiosity and intuition, which may be nudging them towards change. I wonder what you might find here. https://youtu.be/6I5ibgZdXKc “Serenity Island is filled with so many different pathways to experience change from the inside out. It opened my eyes to a wider world of possibility in a way that nothing else ever had. It is filled with music, story, practical information and advice, play and creativity, and best of all, wonder. All my senses are engaged and I create a Serenity Island that is all my own. I can’t think of a better gift to give myself than that.” - Zoie Postcard 2: The Lake of Tranquility The Lake of Tranquility is in Serenity Island's region of personal health. It represents our emotional well-being and is somewhere to think about how things currently are, how we want them to be in future, and what we might plant around this part of our island to support that desire. https://youtu.be/uSQl51ObjeA Postcard 3: The Movement Waterfalls The Movement Waterfalls represent elements of our physical health, such as sleep, nutrition, and exercise. Use the trails for walking, running, and cycling, practice yoga overlooking the Lake of Tranquility, and find physio rooms, courts, pitches, and studios for anything you can imagine using that helps you give your body what it needs. https://youtu.be/TkoMqXLQwF4 "If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else." – Lawrence J. Peter Postcard 4: The Curiosity Caves You find what you need in the Curiosity Caves to help you consider and care for your intellectual well-being. Networks of interweaving tunnels and passageways will stimulate your mind in meaningful ways that keep you engaged, interested, and growing. https://youtu.be/D_U-I7eQgxQ Postcard 5: The Owl Park The Owl Park has spots to camp, hang out, and create new memories with our favourite people. It's the part of the island where we think about the nature of our relationships with family and friends (including the friends we haven’t made yet) and how we want those connections to look and feel. https://youtu.be/TjFZlpGnzVE Postcard 6: The Mystery Mountains In The Mystery Mountains, we can encounter the awe and beauty of the island's vastness.
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    51 分
  • 73 | Life’s Slip Roads, Rest Stops, and Bridges (Getting Up To and Down To Speed)

    73 | Life’s Slip Roads, Rest Stops, and Bridges (Getting Up To and Down To Speed)
    2024/09/16
    You've probably experienced tiring shifts when moving between tasks, environments, and social contexts—from work to home, solitary to social, and stress to calm. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I explore how slip roads, rest stops, and bridges can help us match the pace and rhythm (speeding up and slowing down) of situations and environments. Oxford Services: The Meaning of Meaninglessness Twenty years ago (😦), my friend Dave and I started a temporary tradition (three or four years) of meeting at Oxford Services on the M40 on New Year's Eve. We drove there for a photo shoot, and Dave took the cover photo for The Final Scene (my first Atlum Schema album). Without any practical reason, we decided to return the following year and drop a general invite to anyone who wanted to join us. A few people did. Then we did it again. Even more people showed up the year after. No one knew why we did it, but it became a playful, meaningless-yet-meaningful tradition. We would meet, have a coffee, chat, and then leave for our separate plans. What I love about places like service stations is their "in-between" quality. They are not destinations but transient spaces—everyone is passing through. Like airports and train stations, they are filled with a unique type of energy because of this constant flow of people moving to different rhythms. I find them inspiring and exhausting. Getting Up To Speed on Slip Roads Slip roads allow vehicles to match the traffic speed of a busier road to merge onto it more smoothly. Transitions between tasks or environments can feel like changing roads. Sometimes, we’re expected (or expect ourselves) to jump into new situations at full speed, with no time to ease into the flow. These abrupt shifts can feel jarring for highly sensitive people, leaving little room to mentally or emotionally adjust. This idea could help us consider the pressure we put on ourselves when moving between contexts. It can also give us some options for smoother transitions between different environments, situations, and activities. Rest Stops and Kotas - Stopping to Pause One of the things we do in The Return to Serenity Island is consider where to add rest stops and wilderness huts (kotas) around the map. These are not just spaces for physical rest, but they are places for soul-nourishing encounters with others. I think of these as fireside moments, times between "the action" when we transcend the busyness of doing and occupy a place of being, which can seem unproductive and inefficient use of time, especially when we have been trained to see everything as needing an obvious purpose. Much like Oxford Services, it’s often the places that look devoid of purpose where meaning is made. It’s not the action but the pause that allows for transformation. Bridges and Boundaries These ideas build on my post about Bridging Our Boundaries, in which I discussed how boundaries sometimes need absorbent space to feel good rather than being hard starts and stops. These bridges provide space for preparation and recovery. Deb Dana also uses the language of bridging to show how our nervous system moves between states. Rather than clicking our fingers to think our way back from stress to safety, seeing it as a journey back through and upwards to where we want to be is more valuable. I also like using a map rather than a GPS to conceptualise personal development and progress. Growth is not about following one straight line up and to the right. Life is full of contours and landscapes to familiarise ourselves with and improve our navigation. I finish this episode with an exercise from Anchored (Deb Dana) that explores the "stretch-stress continuum." It resonates with what we do in The Return to Serenity Island. I hope it will be a practical tool you can use (if it resonates). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XIlNkAfZQ6U&feature=youtu.be
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    1 時間 1 分
  • 72 | Sometimes a Map is More Helpful Than a GPS

    72 | Sometimes a Map is More Helpful Than a GPS
    2024/09/11
    I used to end each year by following a course that helped me set goals for the next twelve months. However, by the end of 2020, it stopped working for me. The image of goals as destinations in a GPS felt alien and inhuman. This was when I began using maps to reframe my energy and desire for change in a less linear, start-with-the-end-in-mind way. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, I build on what we explored last time and look at how seeing life laid out on maps can be much more meaningful than thinking of it as little more than a linear experience. The Map From The Atlas of Experience by Louise van Swaaij and Jean Klare The GPS is Efficient and (Generally) Accurate In contrast to GPS systems, maps stand out because they don’t dictate anything. Instead, they invite you to explore the many possibilities and make decisions based on what matters to you. You become part of the process rather than a passive follower. A GPS, on the other hand, narrows down your choices to one: the fastest, most efficient route. It thinks and chooses for you. A GPS might give you the option to avoid highways or toll roads, but you don't get much more input than that. And during the journey, you might not notice the places you’re passing or where the route is taking you. A map, however, reveals more depth and detail, and you get to see where you'll be going and decide if there are any appealing detours along the way. I’m not suggesting we abandon modern technology to plan journeys (I am VERY grateful for it). But when it comes to metaphors for life, are we aiming to cut down journey time and get to the destination as quickly as possible? Or is there more value in taking the slower, more intentional route? In this episode, I explore what we lose with a GPS mindset and what we gain by using a map to guide our personal growth and life planning. The Playful Spirit of Exploration There’s a close connection between this map metaphor and the concept of play. Playfulness isn’t driven by purpose or outcomes. It thrives on unpredictability, spontaneity, and curiosity. It doesn’t ask for a reason beyond “Just because.” When we approach life in this playful way, we can follow what feels right, move with curiosity, and trust the flow of things. But this approach can be abruptly interrupted when viewed through a GPS lens, where the questions are: What’s the point of doing that? Does this have a purpose? Is this going to be relevant for the exam? The GPS mindset is purpose-driven, always seeking usefulness and efficiency. It doesn’t always understand or appreciate the value of play. Even if it recognises the value of what we’re doing, it often critiques how we’re doing it, pushing speed and efficiency as the highest measures of worth. This voice says, “Don’t do it like that. It’s quicker this way. Trust me, you’ll save time.” Many of us have experienced frustration when someone offers unsolicited advice on being more efficient and doing things quicker. It’s not always the advice that irritates, but rather the implicit value system, which comes across as a universally applicable truth: speed = good. This highlights a clash in values, revealing that what matters to us may be less about efficiency and more about presence, quality, or the joy of the process itself. What Do We Lose With The GPS Mindset? Many goal-setting systems use the GPS metaphor, which can be helpful, but it’s worth examining what we lose when prioritising efficiency and speed above all else. The GPS mindset encourages growth that’s bigger, faster, and stronger. But why do we internalise this as the only way? Why should we grow as big as possible, as quickly as possible? When we adopt these values without question, we often lose sight of the heart of things—the core reasons why something mattered to us in the first place. This is why so many companies and services decline in quality as they scale.
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    1分未満
  • 71 | Are You Playing or Performing?

    71 | Are You Playing or Performing?
    2024/09/06
    Do you get worn down by the pressure and need to perform for others (and/or yourself)? What tells you you're performing? In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we differentiate between the characteristics of performance and play. We examine the consequences of mixing them up and assess how they affect who and how we are in our achievement society. We use performance energy to: Work towards specific goals and outcomes Give ourselves to others Communicate with clarity Meet needs Keep up appearances Carry out a duty or role Performance is defined within parameters. As such, it takes energy to remain in that state and can take a toll if we become stuck there. When Play Becomes Performance Have you come across the "rawdogging" trend? This is when people fly (on planes) without entertainment, snacking, moving, or sleeping. At its core, elements of this idea could be somewhat positive, potentially helping us notice how and when we mindlessly reach for certain objects to fill life's in-between moments. It could show us what we do in the face of boredom, and invite us to choose creative ways to respond instead of consuming. I can imagine doing it as a personal experiment or challenge for that reason. However, as far as I can tell, this is not the direction it takes. As is often the case with experiments that become trends, it's taken a performative turn with contrasting justifications. For some, it's about proving your toughness; for others, it's painted as a mindfulness practice; and for others it's simply a way to get attention. For many, it has evolved into a competition, with participants taking it to more extreme (and dangerous) limits. Why does this happen? What causes play to turn into a performance in so many areas of life? And what can we do to gently rebel against the apparent pressure to compare ourselves with others as we seek to perform higher, faster, stronger, louder, richer, feats? Join me to explore these questions in the episode. https://youtu.be/5MVLM2q9mlA The Return To Serenity Island The Return to Serenity Island is relaunching soon. It's an immersive, self-paced course for anyone who doesn’t enjoy setting goals. It offers space to explore your values and desires within a spirit of play (and beyond the pressure to perform). So, if you'd like to make changes in your life, such as work, relationships, health, creativity, finances, etc., but the "high performance" drive lens doesn't resonate with you, this provides a meaningful alternative approach.. It follows a gentle narrative arc with soundscapes, creative prompts, and exploratory videos to inspire you to think of your life as an island rich in potential and promise. We will be meeting for six online weekly picnic sessions as a group during September and October 2024. To learn more about the course and picnic dates, and get notified when the doors open, visit the website: serenityisland.me Over to You Has anything resonated with you? Where have you been in performance mode this week? Drop me a message through the website, leave a comment below, or connect via social media.
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    1 時間 12 分
  • 70 | The Fire In Your Belly

    70 | The Fire In Your Belly
    2024/08/09
    Would you say you have fire in your belly? What does it burn for? I love exploring this question with highly sensitive people, many of whom have a deep, smouldering fire within. This fire is often linked to our values, beliefs, and personally compelling principles. I love helping people explore and (re)connect with this inner fire, supporting them to figure out how to harness it in unapologetic ways. In this episode of The Gentle Rebel Podcast, we will consider what this fire looks, feels, and sounds like. We’ll also explore how it can sometimes get extinguished, hidden, or even escalate beyond control. We think about how to fuel, harness, and express our inner fire in ways that resonate with us as individuals. What does it mean to have a fire in your belly, and how can we express it without conforming to others' expectations? As Dorcas Cheng-Tozun said about social justice for the sensitive soul, we don’t have to fit into anyone else's boxes when it comes to expressing ourselves. The fire in everyone’s belly burns differently, and how we process and turn it outwards is equally unique What is The Fire in Your Belly? It's usually a compliment when we say someone has fire in their belly. It speaks to a visible energy, enthusiasm, and sense of purpose that radiates from within. But this phrase doesn’t always account for those whose fire burns deeply and quietly and isn’t as immediately apparent as the big, bright flames we might associate with explicit passion. For highly sensitive people, that inner fire is often potent. Fire In The Belly of Sensitivity If you search for definitions of "fire in the belly," you’ll often find it described as a strong determination to succeed, emotional stamina, and an intense drive to achieve or accomplish something. These definitions highlight a particular kind of fire, focused on personal goals, winning, or attaining power and glory. They don't tell the whole story, especially for those driven by values and principles (how and why) more than outcomes (what) For many sensitive people, the fire in their belly is not about achieving for the sake of achieving. It's not the pursuit of bigger, better, faster, or stronger in a conventional sense. Personal achievements matter, but they are often most compelling when they resonate with a broader purpose or have a meaningful impact on the world around them. Dampening The Belly Fire The fire in our belly can go missing when we seek safe, predictable, and comfortable ways to navigate life. For example, the desire to avoid conflict can cause that fire to dim or even disappear over time. Feeling Too Much For highly sensitive individuals, the inconvenience their passions might cause others can feel too jarring, especially when there’s a perceived incompatibility with others’ views, values, or beliefs. The fear of judgment, criticism, or rejection can be a powerful motivator to keep that fire hidden. Standing up for something we care deeply about can feel risky when it threatens to create friction with those around us. This fear can lead to the suppression of our inner fire, keeping it tucked away where it feels safer but also less alive. The Role of Perfectionism Perfectionism is another factor that can dampen the fire in our belly. When we express our passions, we open ourselves up to the uncertainty and unpredictability of creativity. There’s a vulnerability in allowing our fire to rise, in letting it breathe and take form, because we can never be sure what might come from it. The desire for perfection can keep us from taking those risks, leading us to stifle our fire rather than face the unknown. The Impact of Cold Buckets of Water And when others throw cold buckets of water—through criticism or dismissive comments—it can make us hesitant to let our fire show again. Caroline McGraw’s shared how an offhand remark snuffed out her passion as a child. It's a reminder that the wrong words at a vulnerab...
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    34 分