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I didn’t know the word Transgender until I was in my 20’s. I actually learned the word when I was being introduced to a Trans man. A Trans man who would tell me I wasn’t Trans, I was just a butch who wanted bigger muscles. The problem was I had never felt attached, loyal, or proud to be a lesbian. I felt neutral to the term and didn’t understand why Pride was such a big thing. I would feel confused when the women of my past said “You’re like a boyfriend, but not” because in my head, I was a boyfriend, but they were right, to them, I wasn’t. It felt messy and complicated.
But when I learned the word Transgender, I felt peace inside. Like my brain finally found the right language and I was finally holding the instruction manual. I felt less alone. My gender no longer felt like a mystery, it felt clear.
For a moment.
And then reality hits you. You think about how it will make you different from others when they find out your Trans, will your family still love you? Will you ever get married? Will I be excluded?
Will I be alone forever?
This Narrated Blog Episode dives into my journey of understanding my identity as a Trans Man.
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