In todays episode i chat with Tortie, my own doula and mother to Inigo, 14, Phoebe,11 and Zelda who is nearly 8 months old.

Tortie speaks to having a baby whilst mothering adolescents and while she felt nervous about this age gap during her pregnancy, in has turned out to be the biggest blessing and something Tortie feels so grateful for. Emotionally it provided Tortie the time to reflect and learn from her previous experiences and provide a welcome sense of perspective and practically, the children were able to offer help, be independent and bring a grateful sense of energy, playfullnes and perspective to mothering. Perhaps most poignantly though is the gift it has given her older children. Her daughter choose to be present at her birth and her son joined shortly after and witnessed her rebirth as a mother herself. Both of them seeing her body and mind at its most fragile, raw and vulnerable. Tortie is so grateful that her children have seen and felt that and as they continue to witness her mother she feels it is starting to heal some of the grievances she felt around the decisions she made the first time around. The arrival of Zelda has provided an anchor to her family, a way to keep her children in their childhood and to help soften their more tricky adolescent years.

Tortie lost her mother aged 14 and mothering her children without her mother around has been a deep sadness for her. Tortie speaks to us about motherless mothering and how the strong sense of needing to be mothered in this vulnerable time of the postpartum lead to her needing to build her own mothering nest and a create a family from friends to support her in the postpartum. This time, much more so than the others she had no fear and total confidence in asking for help and she reflected on the past 11 years of mothering and all the conversations with hundreds of women who she had been doula for over the past 13 years and really asked herself what she needed to feel supported and her amazing friends did just that- holding her a mother blessing, providing 6 weeks of constant meals for her and her family and gathering together a little money pot to provide selfcare for Tortie like reflexology and massage which were a really wonderful way to honour her body. She feels that building a supportive family around you is relevant whether you are parenting without parents or not and something we can all benefit from.

Tortie's reflections on mothering her three children in the absence of her own mother are extremely moving and her most recent postpartum experience of mothering a baby and two adolescent children is filled with so much unexpected joyful learnings. If you would like to find out more about Tortie and her offerings as a Doula please visit https://www.bristolbirthsupport.co.uk/meet-our-doulas or follow her on instagram @tortiedoula