"The universality of guilt - I think that my life as a child therapist has a lot of advantages; we carry the idea that ‘we are all the ages we've ever been’ and those magic years never disappear. There are some great things about that - there are some problems with it too. That kind of irrational self-centered construction to explain what is intolerable and difficult to grasp comes from that. Early in this whole process, I remember talking to the pediatrician taking care of us: ‘Was it something in the environment? Was it the street we lived on? Was it that we lived in the basement? Was that an explanation? How close we were to the boiler room?  What could it be?’ And he just looked through all of that to say: ‘You did nothing wrong’. It stays with me as I remember it - how potent that was. There's a part of me that wants to keep manufacturing the explanation that I can get my head around, and there's something penetrating about realizing that those explanations don't serve." 

Episode Description: We begin with Phil sharing with us the family tragedy that is described in his book A Short Good Life. It describes the illness and death of his younger daughter Liza, who he says is his second child. When I ask him about his use of the present tense, he says that he "is parenting her memory." He describes the process of writing this book and the help he sought from other parents who have lost children. He reads sections from the book that allow us to listen in on Liza's struggles with her older sister, her facing the guilt of imagining having caused her leukemia, and then her efforts to come to terms with her dying - at the age of six. We conclude with Phil's evolution as a therapist, which now includes his use of psychedelics to assist those who are struggling with trauma. I share how grateful I am to have learned of his work and how he has brought forth something special for others to learn from what I consider to be a tutorial on love.

Our Guest: Philip Lister, M.D., is an adult and child psychiatrist and an adult and child psychoanalyst working in private practice. He is the author of a memoir, A Short Good Life, based on the experience of his family as his second child faced her death due to cancer. In addition to private practice, he is involved with MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies), working as a therapist in the research study using MDMA-Assisted Therapy for the treatment of PTSD. Dr. Lister can be reached through his website https://ashortgoodlife.com/

Linked Episode:

Episode 23: Psychedelic Psychotherapy for PTSD

Recommended Readings:

https://ashortgoodlife.com/resources/