an intern in washington dc goes missing and the congressman from her district in california is questioned the actor robert blake’s wife is found murdered in the passenger seat of his car madonna announces her first tour in over a decade the drowned world tour and you think that about says it all 

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you look up from the podium during your reading and see the actress molly ringwald cutting through the crowd finding a place in the corner after the reading you’re relieved to find your editor in the back of the room though your interaction with him is a bit awkward before you can launch into an apology about the whole thing and explain your side molly ringwald appears and it’s clear they are a couple and all else is washed away in pleasantries 

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you feel strongly that whoever wrote the review should have to sign his or her name to it that publishers weekly shouldn’t be publishing anonymous reviews if someone feels strongly about a book one way or the other shouldn’t do so behind a curtain also the review mentions bret easton ellis twice which makes you suspect he’s the real target of the reviewer’s disdain you immediately recall an episode at harold ober where the editor of the los angeles review of books called the agent of one of ober’s authors who publicly hated an author with a new book out the editor wanted to hire the ober author to review the author he hated a setup the ober author rightly declined but the fact that the editor initiated the request spooked you around that time you’d been reading a memoir by the long-dead legendary new york times critic anatole broyard who joyfully confessed that it was the job of the critic to bring writers down a notch which he had done time and again all of it swirling in your head as you brooded about the publishers weekly review 

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the rapper eminem and his wife reconcile the magazine editor at shout who ran your piece on the rapper tupac shakur invites you to a party in chelsea thrown for a new magazine edited by the daughter of the rolling stones guitarist keith richards neither of you knowing in advance that keith richards is going to be at the party the magazine editor says oh my god when he spots the recognizable silhouette of the legendary guitarist you tell him he should go say something to richards and the magazine editor admits the thought makes him so nervous he might vomit 

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a pop culture magazine called shout publishes an early excerpt of we’re so famous by arrangement with bloomsbury usa and the magazine editor asks if you want to contribute nonfiction and you pitch an article about how the rapper tupac shakur’s fans believe he isn’t really dead and will rise again on a date in the future you’re not much of a rap fan so you consult your youngest brother who is to get the facts straight shout loves the idea and runs the piece the whitewater investigation against president clinton closes without any charges being leveled mister rogers from mister rogers’ neighborhood is diagnosed with stomach cancer and announces the end of his show

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an agent in the midst of a divorce rents an empty office at harold ober and you ask him to represent the oral biography of bret easton ellis and he agrees to send it around for you the rapper eminem records a song wherein he describes killing his estranged wife eminem’s estranged wife attends his concert on his promise that he won’t perform the song he wrote about her but he does anyway and she leaves distraught getting in a car wreck on the way home once home she tries to commit suicide by slitting her wrists everyone is afraid of contracting the west nile virus which is spread through mosquitoes the bride who had her tv marriage to the millionaire annulled poses for playboy 

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there’s some question as to whether or not the millionaire from the reality show is actually a millionaire and it comes to light that the millionaire is using a fake name and his former girlfriend had to file a restraining order against him when she ended their relationship all the police officers who riddled the immigrant reaching for his wallet with forty-one bullets are acquitted the rapper puff daddy pleads not guilty to charges he tried to bribe his driver into saying the gun used at the nightclub shooting was his a cuban boy whose mother drowned trying to cross the waters into florida and who has been staying with his relatives in miami is seized and returned to cuba to the boy’s father the tug-of-war between the united states and cuba over the boy won by cuba the rapper eminem is arrested twice once for assaulting a man he witnessed kissing his estranged wife outside of a nightclub and another time for waving a gun at rival rappers insane clown posse 

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as the clock counts down to the year 2000 the overzealous wait with bated breath for the end of times but when the calendar turns to january all that really happens is a couple of credit card machines refuse to process sales and a bank of slot machines at a casino in delaware all quit working the rapper puff daddy is charged in the incident in the nightclub with jennifer lopez the band rage against the machine plays a concert on wall street and the swelling crowds cause the markets to close early for security reasons

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@TypicaloftheX