In today’s episode, Leslie speaks with special guest, Dr. Lorie Ritschel, a board-certified dialectic behavior therapist, and discusses the impact of chronic invalidation, trauma and shame in regards to both parents and children. Lorie emphasizes the importance of understanding and addressing shame in children, noting that parents often underestimate its punishing effects. She explains DBT-PE, a treatment that combines dialectical behavior therapy with prolonged exposure to treat trauma.

Time Stamps

4:22 Defining Trauma - Criterion A and Traumatic Chronic Invalidation

9:00 and 11:26 Trauma Treatments - DBT-PE and CPT

• You are working to create corrective learning
• Trauma treatment is really tough, its like psychology Iron Man
• In vivo exposures - learning to do the things that are hard for you to do
• Imaginal exposures - where you talk about the trauma
• Processing - what can you learn from your exposures and how can you shift your perspective

14:00 Discussing the emotion of Shame

14:40 Parents are part of creating the internal dialogue of emotions within their child and they have the ability to impact their child’s understanding of emotions

16:20 Parents underestimate how punishing shame is to a child

17:05 Discussion on being how to be reinforcer of behaviors and punisher of behaviors by matching the intensity of your child’s behavior

18:05 Some kids go into a shame spiral and others don’t. DON”T make assumptions about your child

19:24 Examples of implicit and explicit learning

20:55 When shame is very visible in your child -

• If a child hides their face or hides under covers
• They say “I’m bad”
• You can use the line “can you give yourself permission to make a mistake?”

21:21 Watch out for the quiet child who internalize their emotions

22:14 Create a framework in your home to talk about emotions

22:50 High, Low, Buffalo Game - a great substitute for “how was your day at school”

25:25 The benefits of Observational learning

26:38 Discussion of Invalidation for the neurodivergent child

28::43 Other examples of ways parents can invalidate their child

31:00 Having a trusted adult to speak to is key for a child who feels invalidation from their differentness

Leslie-ism: When expressing disappointment to your child, a light touch is enough.

Resources:

Lorie Ritschel’s Website: Triangle Area Psychology Clinic (TAP)

E-Learning Courses through the TAP clinic

How to use High Low Buffalo Conversation Starter

Trauma resources

• DBT-Prolonged Exposure Trauma Treatment
• Cognitive Processing Treatment (CPT)

For a full transcript of this episode and more information about the host visit https://lesliecohenrubury.com/podcasts/ . You can also follow Leslie’s work on Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube. Join the conversation with your own questions and parenting experiences.

Credits: Is My Child a Monster? is produced by Alletta Cooper, Camila Salazar, and Leslie Cohen-Rubury. Theme music is by