How to communicate in a way to get yourself heard and others to respond well to you.

In this episode of Books to Better Your Life, host Anne Brinkman reviews Marshall Rosenberg’s book Nonviolent Communication, which explores a communication strategy to minimize “violence” and increase understanding in conversations. Coach Anne highlights key concepts such as how to approach conversations with empathy, without judgment, and being clear on feelings and needs.

Coach Anne also explores Rosenberg’s tips for fully using the strategy and where we might get hung up.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:

The 4 steps to communicate in a non-violent way

How to respond to someone else to make them feel heard

What to watch for in this communication

Noteworthy quotes from this episode

“Now the English language isn’t really helping when we’re talking about feelings – it sort of puts a veil over them. When we talk about feelings, just because you say “I feel hurt”, does not mean hurt is a feeling. “

“Then when you share your need, it’s not what the other person did. It’s NOT like “you made me feel angry because you borrowed my shirt without asking” No one can make you feel something. “

“And JUST because you make a request, doesn’t mean they need to do it. You need to be willing for them not to agree to it.”

“And what this really is creating is not just that person being heard, but it’s also focusing on your empathy for that person. When we are feeling empathetic, we are more likely to be able to take their hateful or mocking words and recognize them as unmet needs and an expression of their pain.”

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

Buy on Amazon or Bookshop *

Junto’s Emotion Wheel

Connect with Anne Brinkman

Website: www.betteryour.life

LinkedIn: @coachannebrinkman

Free confidence recordings: www.betteryour.life/audio

Newsletter: get notified of new podcast episodes or blog posts

Free discovery session: get support on your own personal growth journey

* As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.

As a Bookshop affiliate, I receive a commission, and every book you buy on Bookshop.org also supports local, independent bookstores.

How do past traumas – even “little t” traumas – affect our bodies, minds, and lives?

In this episode of Books to Better Your Life, host Anne Brinkman reviews Dr. Nicole LePera's book How to Do the Work, which explores the mind-body connection, trauma, and stress. Coach Anne highlights key concepts such as the impact of stress on bodily functions and health, polyvagal theory, and Dr. LePera’s reinterpretation of trauma – one that may better reflect what our body or mind interprets as trauma.

Coach Anne also discusses Dr. LePera’s strategies for healing and self-regulation, emphasizing the importance of small, actionable steps before leaving listeners with a challenge to implement what they’ve learned.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:

-LePera’s reinterpretation of trauma to include subtle childhood experiences (what the host calls “little T” trauma), especially experiences where you didn’t feel safe.

-The impact of stress on your bodily functions and physical health.

-Polyvagal theory, which explains the vagus nerve's role in stress responses.

-Practical healing strategies for improving your mind-body connection, including journaling, breathing exercises, and small daily habits.

Noteworthy quotes from this episode

“If you're not familiar with that idea of doing the work, it's really to be looking at yourself and taking steps to improve yourself, especially at an emotional level. What this looks like is different for everybody. Maybe that's therapy, maybe that's meditation, journaling, etc.”

“Stress is not just in your head. The body must shift resources from its usual place of maintaining homeostasis – that physical, emotional, and mental balance – to protecting itself. Of course, stress is part of life. Normative stress – birth, death, marriage, breakups, job loss – is part of the human experience. And trying to avoid stress could even stress you out. Stress is normal.”

“Dr. LePera’s patients came to her saying they can't connect with others, they can't get friends with emotional depth, they can't find love. This lack of intimacy may actually be because our body's stress response is activated and reducing emotional and attentional regulation.”

“When we grow up with an autonomic response, we might become used to that. Our mind and body are used to that response. And if it was a trauma response, our brain becomes used to that and can even learn to crave the feelings associated with the trauma response. This might be where you get stuck in a loop of emotional addiction.”

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

-Buy How to Do the Work on amazon.com or bookshop.org. *

-Visit Dr. LePera’s website.

-Join Dr. LePera’s community, SelfHealers Circle.

Connect with Anne Brinkman

Website: www.betteryour.life

LinkedIn: @coachannebrinkman

Free confidence recordings: www.betteryour.life/audio

Newsletter: get notified of new podcast episodes or blog posts

Free discovery session: get support on your own personal growth journey

* As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.

As a Bookshop affiliate, I receive a commission, and every book you buy on Bookshop.org also supports local, independent bookstores.

Do you find yourself with so many interests that you’re not sure what to do with all of them? Or are you feeling like you don't fit into this world of single focus, especially when it comes to your work life?

In this episode of Books to Better Your Life, host Anne Brinkman explores Barbara Sher's Refuse to Choose, which addresses the challenges faced by what she called “scanners,” people with diverse interests who struggle to focus on a single path.

Brinkman highlights her key takeaways, including the idea of a Scanner Daybook to capture ideas, the importance of “career tryouts,” and strategies for integrating multiple passions into your working life. She also discusses Sher’s types of scanners and their unique traits, encouraging listeners to embrace their multifaceted nature and find ways to incorporate their interests into fulfilling careers and lives.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:

-Individuals with multiple interests – “scanners” – who struggle to commit to a single focus.

-The 11 different types of scanners, each with unique traits.

-Strategies for integrating your many passions, like having multiple specialties, maintaining hobbies, or creating a unique career combining various interests.

-“Career tryouts,” or experimenting with different careers to see if they match your expectations before fully committing.

-The “scanner daybook,” a tool for capturing and organizing your ideas and interests.

Noteworthy quotes

“Sometimes scanners are described as multi-passionates, or multipotentialites, or a renaissance man or woman, or sometimes, when they can harness it, jack-of-all-trades. Some of Sher’s descriptions are: ‘I work at low-paying jobs because there's nothing I'm willing to commit to,’ ‘I keep changing my mind about what I want to do and end up doing nothing,’ and ‘I'll never be an expert in anything.’”

“Sher considers people like Leonardo da Vinci, Aristotle, Goethe, and Ben Franklin as scanners. They had no qualms about exploring many different areas. And no one tried to stop them either. it was normal.”

“Aren't we interesting? We have all of these interests. And yet we also put all these obstacles in the way.”

“If this idea of a scanner resonates with you, then possibly just accepting your identity as one is a huge relief for you.”

Resources and links mentioned in this episode:

-Buy Refuse to Choose on amazon.com or bookshop.org *

-Watch Barbara Sher's TEDx talk, “Isolation is the Dream Killer”

-Visit Sher’s official website

-Explore Sher’s concept of Success Teams

-Join Sher’s Facebook community

Connect with Anne Brinkman

Website: www.betteryour.life

LinkedIn: @coachannebrinkman

Free confidence recordings: www.betteryour.life/audio

Newsletter: get notified of new podcast episodes or blog posts

Free discovery session: get support on your own personal growth journey

* As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you.

As a Bookshop affiliate, I receive a commission and every book you buy on Bookshop.org also supports local, independent bookstores.