Well…despite having a lot to gain by influencing you to watch the season by saying the rebrand is amazing…you know we cannot tell a lie. We’re all about AUTHENTICITY, unlike all of these scripted comedy sketches these producers cooked up for every other scene?! The lighting gives Bourne Ultimatum, the sinister music gives Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, the “challenges” give storebrand Are You The One, and the heavily manicured flat declarations say new-age Love Is Blind. We can’t help but discuss Love Island in scattered tangents, Nicolandria’s rebirth, Huda’s final (?) crash-out, and our nephew Marcel.

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We took about an hour-long tangent about Love Island US, but so much NEEDED to be discussed. First, Camille recaps witnessing Beyoncé's near-death experience at Cowboy Carter in Houston. Then, we get into the Nicolandria obsession, the rupture of the Love Island “Sisterhood”, upcoming predictions, and more. In Hawaii, with the Valley cast, Kristen Doute gets engaged while some friends celebrate and others ruminate.

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The first 20 minutes of the episode are purely Love Island US talk, and hear us when we say, you NEED to be watching. Do not miss this opportunity! Down in the Valley, Jax is out of the so-called “mental health facility” and wreaking absolute havoc like nothing has changed. Janet’s on her typical BS, as is Michelle. But it’s a beautiful moment in America: a country united over our shared disdain.

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It’s a beach brawl this week on The Valley! Janet gets called a vibe-killing Karen, Zack begins to realize Brittney has moved on from his friendship, and Jax is even darker than usual. We also briefly talk Summerhouse reunion, Next Gen NYC, and Love Island US!

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Kristen checks Janet with a seemingly totally false rumor, but someone had to step up to the queen bee! The tides are turning on alliances. There is blood in the water. Plus, we go on a long tangent about our existential dread with phone addiction, attention spans, and the growing plight of terrible customer service.

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Apologies for recording delay!

Who among us hasn’t taken a quick pull in a corner of a party?! This week, we get more details and perspectives on Darkside Danny Tequilagate, and we’re still Team Nia. Let’s turn our attention to the real problematic people of the group: Jesse and Janet. On the Summerhouse side, Jesse and Lexi’s relationship ends less with a bang and more with a whimper.

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Whitney is back from Japan, and the only cure for train bento and foot spa withdrawals is relishing in the pure entertainment that is American reality TV: The Valley and Summerhouse. We discuss Brittney’s uncalled-for turn on Nia, Zach’s moral compass, everyone hating their partners, and much more.

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Truly one of the darkest episodes of reality TV we’ve seen, and we’ve seen a lot. We can’t help but think about all these dang kids! Tune in as we over-analyze childhood trauma, marital abuse, sociopathic tendencies, crippling addiction, just to name a few of the light, funny subjects we talk about. We will be off next week but returning the following week for a recap of E3/4!

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