Episode 312: Karen Got Kicked Out, I Got a Forehead Knot, and Jared Finally Shut Up

You read that right. This episode is loaded with justice, head injuries, wild Vegas nights, and one assistant who deserves a standing ovation. Buckle up—it’s pure chaos in the best way.

💥 Dumbass of the Week: UPDATE EDITION

Remember last week’s Karen? The one who verbally assaulted an 18-year-old at Planet Fitness because they asked to take her photo for her membership?


Well… Planet Fitness revoked her membership nationwide. She lied about it, but it’s 2025—everything is on camera.
Moral of the story: If you’re gonna act a fool, don’t do it in 4K.
SEE YA, KAREN!

🙌 Shoutout of the Week:

This one’s for Marissa, Jay’s assistant and all-around savage. Her work ethic, loyalty, and “get-it-done” attitude make the Happy Hour world go ‘round. We see you, we appreciate you, and we don’t take it lightly. (Except for the jokes. Those stay heavy.)

🔕 Jared Update:

After 10 years of nonsense… Jay finally figured out how to silence Jared.
Be nice.
That’s it. That’s the hack. And apparently, it works. Jared even sent a text about last week’s episode. We’re officially in uncharted territory.

🎲 Vegas Stories:

• Story #1: The perfect way to handle a drunk guy in Vegas… until it wasn’t.

• Story #2: PSA: Turn on the light when you get up to pee. Jay didn’t. Now he’s rocking a knot on his forehead the size of a golf ball.

🤯 WTF Moments of the Week:

• A homeless man with a 10-foot horse trough marching through the park like it’s a parade. His lady followed behind pushing two carts filled with water bins. What is happening?!

• The way people dress to get on planes now… it’s like Spirit Airlines is hosting a pajama rave. No shame, just confusion.

🧼 A Word From Our Sponsor:

Buzzed Buddy: Because you can party like it’s Vegas, and still wake up like it’s brunch with Grandma.
Liver, brain, and next-day plans: protected.

👴 I’m Getting Old:

• Graduations for everything: Preschool? Kindergarten? Walking into Target without a meltdown? When did this become a thing?

• Group Texts: The modern form of psychological warfare. If you're in one, blink twice for help.

💡 Closing Thought of the Week:

“Be happy. You don’t need a reason, just a decision.”

🎧 Tune in now for laughs, chaos, and the life lessons no one else will teach you.

Episode 311: Vaping at the Gym, Crazy Karens & Dumpster Fire Detox

This week, Jay’s calling out chaos, celebrating legends, and laying down some truth bombs you didn’t know you needed. If you’ve ever wanted to fight someone over a shopping cart or scream into the void about people being late—this one’s for you.

🧨 Dumbass of the Week:

• A full-grown adult “Karen” loses it on an 18-year-old front desk staffer—all because they asked for a photo to complete her membership. The tantrum ended with her calling the teen a bitch. Stay classy, Karen.

🙌 Shoutouts of the Week:

• Bob turns 80 and is still crushing life and workouts—Jay’s been training him for 15 years. LEGEND.

• Arlene, thanks for the drinks! You’re what happy hour is all about. 💃

🔁 Jared Update:

• Restraining order? Denied.

• The real question of the week: Chipotle or Panda Express? (Hint: either way, you’ll need a bathroom strategy.)

🚨 Call Out of the Week:

• School zone speeders and maniac drivers—we see you, and we’re putting you in The Box. Drive like someone’s kid lives here. Because they do.

💪 Stuff I See at the Gym:

• Someone vaping inside the gym. Another person hotboxing their car at the red light. Make it make sense.

🛑 A Word From Our Sponsor:

• Buzzed Buddy: Helping you drink smarter, not harder. Protect your liver, brain, and tomorrow’s plans.

🧍‍♂️ Humans In The Wild:

• Utah’s soda addiction is REAL. Like drive-thru soda shops… everywhere.

• A tire literally breaks off a car in the grocery store parking lot.

• Couple on date night at dinner… watching YouTube on their phone the entire time. Romance is not dead—it’s just buffering.

📱 Social Media Shenanigans:

• Local Internet Drama: Two guys from Jay’s area going full keyboard warrior on Facebook.

• Cart Narc is back with another viral “PUT YOUR CART BACK” confrontation. People are WILD.

🧯 Closing Thought of the Week:

“I know I say this all the time… but in a world of pure dumpster fire dumbassery, be the fire extinguisher.”

Episode 310: Escorts In Aruba, BBL Confusion & Cold Plunge Chaos

This week’s episode of Happy Hour With Jay is packed with wild humans, spa mishaps, and just the right amount of unsolicited life advice. Jay’s got stories you’ll laugh at, cringe through, and probably replay for your friends.
📣 Shoutout to One Leg Kevin ~ Thanks For Being A Good Human

🔥 Meme of the Week:

• “Stop worrying if people like you… they don’t.”
• Back-Up Meme: “When you’re dead, you don’t know you're dead. The pain is only felt by others. The same thing happens when you’re stupid.” 💀

🚨 Happening Now:

• Jared’s on the pot (literally) and his stolen credit card hired an escort in Aruba. Capital One was… concerned.
• A SoCal Silver Fox gets tattooed, tokes too hard, and forgets how gas caps work. Jay to the rescue.
• Jay learns what a BBL (Brazilian Butt Lift) is—cue shock, confusion, and concern for humanity.
• The Golden Girls are out here vamping, crushing espresso martinis, and offering hits to strangers. Age is just a number.
• Waymo vs. Humans: A Scottsdale psycho Lyft ride helps Jay understand why robot cars might just be winning.

💪 Gym Tales:

• Sweet lady shows up smelling like a gallon of BenGay and crushes her treadmill workout. Respect.

🧖‍♂️ Spa Chronicles:

• Cold Plunge Chaos: A father-son duo turns the spa into a Disneyland ride.
• Soundtrack from Hell: From calm zen vibes to Dumb and Dumber screeching. You had to be there.
• No Nudity Allowed: Cold Plunge Fruit Salad. Enough said. (And thank goodness for rules.)

❌ Things I Won’t Do:

• Jay still refuses to grab the first can or box off the shelf. Yes, he’s that guy.

🥂 Buzzed Buddy Update:

• That Mother’s Day email? Fire. If you're not on the list, fix that.

🐥 Feel-Good Story of the Week:

• Jackpot the Duck ~ We all need a little help!