There is an abundance of definitions on what is charismatic leadership? The definition proffered during a recent webinar was uncontroversial and acceptable: emotional and intellectual engagement, inspiration to go the extra mile – all quite reasonable elements. Somehow that left me feeling vaguely unfulfilled.

Reflecting on charismatic leaders, what was it about them that made them so attractive? Of course they were highly skilled, experienced and professional. Yet their technical knowledge wasn’t the distinguishing feature, because hosts of uncharismatic leaders are equally skilled. Great communicators, they capture the key points, are concise, insightful, engaging. No shortage of would-be charismatic leaders with this resume but no cigar. Optimistic, positive, high energy, fast paced, dynamic – yes all good points, but there was still something missing.

I think the missing piece of the puzzle here is the way charismatic leaders make us feel when we are with them. I have heard that in his prime Bill Clinton would speak with you and make you feel like you were the only person in the room, despite being one person in a massive crowd.

What are some relevant behaviours we can adopt to make us more charismatic?

Begin with praise and honest appreciation. This must be genuine and linked to actual behavior, not vagaries. There isn’t a lot of praise and appreciation floating around in the business everyday, because a lot of leaders are Driver personality styles, who prioritise task completion over building people. We can be different – we can look for the good, the strengths in our people and play to those rather than lurking around the cubicles with our super fault-finder nuclear harpoon at the ready. If we find fault, call attention to it indirectly. We should also use encouragement and make the fault seem easy to correct. Let them save face, don’t create a barrier by lambasting them. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to. This means seeing people at their best and treating them that way rather than the opposite.

We can ask questions, instead of giving direct orders. Socrates was on to the power of this approach centuries ago, but the typical boss today is still an order dispensing machine. When we tell, we own the task - when we ask, our people own it. We all own the world we help to create, so be the boss who gets help creating that world. Make them feel happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Is this easy – no, but if our behavior is the driver then we need to persistently and permanently change our approach.