The United States held a Presidential Election between an overly qualified candidate and a convicted felon. The convicted felon won, which is poetic to the current state of America. You can't get a job at McDonalds with a criminal record, but you can run for President. Thank you for continuing to listen to PorchTalk

-A schmuck with a keyboard

The Dodgers were down five runs in the fifth inning. The Dodgers won the game in nine innings. A historical baseball season has officially drawn the curtain with a World Series over the worst fanbase in sports, the New York Yankees. Young Thug agreed to a plea in his RICO case today that sent him home today with 20 years of probation. Xavier renounced his New York citizenship live on air after the depressing reminder that he is a New York sports fan and that in his 20-some-odd years he has never seen a championship for any team in New York State. Aaron Judge also sucks. Call Fat Joe for any further complaints. He's PorchTalk's lawyer on retainer. Massive shoutout to Stockholm, Sweden - theporchtalk.net. Fill out the life advice form if you're in Stockholm to email me. Gracias for continuing to listen to PorchTalk.

The World Series is officially over after three games. Aaron Judge has now set an MLB record by striking out 75 times in his last 30 plate appearances which essentially books Juan Soto's one way ticket to LA this offseason. If the Dodgers get Juan Soto the MLB is cooked. Week eight of the NFL season has come to an end and the New England Patriots have the same record as the New York Jets. Half of America had the New York Jets walking into the Super Bowl with little resistance this year. They are 2-6. That season is over. These are the Jets I have grown up watching. You'd think I was a fortune teller the way I pitched taking Cleveland moneyline against Baltimore. Jameis Winston drops 400 and three touchdowns on the best team in the AFC. The Nick Bosa tomfoolery after Sunday Night Football is exactly how you end up losing Superbowls. Kobe and Tom Brady set the blueprint for winning Championships and throwing rocks from glass homes is the antithesis. Regardless, the 49ers season still has life - continent entirely upon Christian McCaffrey’s return. Jayson Tatum and Anthony Davis are still the frontrunners in the MVP race. The Lakers lost their first game but LA may be the team to beat out of the West this year. Particularly in the Denver Nugget’s absence. Thank you for your time.

Two Games of World Series baseball have explicitly shown that the Los Angeles Dodgers have won the Pennant. Aaron Judge will go down as one of the worst playoff players of this generation. The Dodgers need to bring Alex Verdugo home this offseason. The Celtics keep rolling; Jayson Tatum scores 37. Lakers win: Lebron and AD combine for 63. Saturday night before week 8 of the NFL season and I have no reason to believe the Patriots lose to the Jets in Foxborough tomorrow. Dak Prescott will play the Undertaker role tomorrow afternoon in Santa Clara by officially putting the nail in the coffin for the 49ers season.

The Minnesota Vikings were robbed on National Television. Should Minnesota be in a position where Sam Darnold has to go 90 yards with one timeout down eight? No. They should not. Regardless, that was one of the most blatant missed facemasks I’ve seen, particularly with the context of the game in mind. The Rams look almost guaranteed to trade Cooper Kupp due solely to his involvement tonight because of the obvious risk of playing a guy you’re about to trade, especially when it is Cooper Kupp. The Rams are 3-4 in a wide-open NFC West with an offense that seems to be firing. Through seven and one-eighth weeks of the NFL, watch out for the LA Rams. Shoutout to Mr Jones.

NBA and Golden State Warriors Expert Ibrahim Ayub was on the show today, giving his NBA too-early opinions.

There is no team in the NBA competing with the Celtics in seven games.

The Boston Celtics are objectively the best in basketball, and it is not a conversation to have. Joe Mazzula made it explicitly clear last season that the Celtics would beat you by way of the three-point ball. This has not changed. Not only did the sentiment not change, it improved. The Celtics tied an NBA record for most threes in a game through three-quarters of basketball. They proceed to miss their next 13 attempts. Excluding these 13 attempts, the Celtics hit 29 threes on 60% shooting in 45 minutes of basketball. This game was over the moment Banner 18 touched the rafters. Thom Thibadeau came out playing drop coverage for unknown reasons.

Jayson Tatum scored 37 points on 98% true scoring tonight. Three months ago Jayson Tatum was a DNP in the Olympics. Your honor and members of the jury, I rest my case - Steve Kerr is a schmuck. To not play Jayson Tatum in even garbage time scenarios to then publicly attributing it to a ‘math problem.’ What an absolute schmuck.

This is not the time for the Knicks to jump ship. They ran into an immovable object. The Knicks will still be fine in this Eastern Conference, but their ceiling is irrefutable. I must admit I still am scratching my head to some degree regarding the Karl Anthony Towns trade yet I must digress. Jalen Brunson looks fully healthy after the hand injury. Once the Celtics got the lead up to 30 (the second quarter), Mikal Bridges began to heat up which probably has to do with the fact he is naturally comfortable in scenarios playing down 50.

The Lakers won. Anthony Davis had 30. Bronny got an offensive rebound. Lebron got to rest. An ideal win for every Lakers fan if you’re hoping for postseason success to return to LA. Anthony Davis will be able to present a genuine MVP campaign if he can play as many games as he did last season. The Lakers should be good this year.

Minnesota will be fine. I hope.

The 49ers season is officially over, and I truly may have been too generous with the nine-win prediction, as they may not even win nine games. Detroit and Baltimore both continue to frontrun the race for the Super Bowl. Drake Maye is the truth and will win Rookie of the Year. The NBA season is back, and there is nothing to sell me on why the Boston Celtics won't run it back. NBA futures odds plus shitty opinions. If you or anyone you know needs poor life advice theporchtalk.net is the place to go.

Week five of the NFL season has come and go and the 49ers still suck. The Patriots were robbed on national television. Alabama gave Vanderbilt their first win in program history against a top five team. Cal embarrasses the Bay Area on primetime TV by blowing a 25 point fourth quarter lead.