Continuing the series on "Psychological Games Couples Play," Michael Webb and I discuss another game within the realm of Psychological Games.

This game is not only deep but usually ingrained within the communication style of one or both parties. It's called "I've Got You Now...."

It's one of the most insidious games couples fall into subconsciously as they seek to heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. While able to be overcome and eventually diffused, it requires a deeper journey into the mind and trauma, of the unfaithful and betrayed.

Couples who are dealing with this game often times feel as though they are being set up by their partner. It can feel as though their partner is creating what we call a 'double bind' all in an attempt to prove a point that can scorch the earth of the argument. Couples who struggle with this game are not on thin ice, but they do find themselves looking for any sort of way out of the quick sand and today Michael Webb shares exactly that.

Ever find yourself in the same frustrating argument with someone, especially your spouse— even though it starts off innocent and you swear this time it’ll go differently? But somehow, it spirals into a familiar mess?

Psychological games are repetitive patterns of hidden communication people play with each other, often unconsciously. They seem harmless on the surface, but they end with someone feeling hurt, guilty, or angry — just like before.

These games follow a pattern:

A hidden motive or unspoken message
A predictable sequence of interactions
A negative payoff (emotional discomfort or conflict)

They’re not about fun — more like emotional traps that we fall into, often learned in childhood, resulting in confusion, hurt feelings and deep seated resentment.

Transactional Analysis, developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne, is a theory of communication and personality. In TA, our interactions are seen as “transactions” between different parts of ourselves:

👶 Child (emotions, creativity, needs, or rebellion)

👨‍👩‍👧 Parent (rules, judgments, values — often inherited from authority figures)

🧑 Adult (rational, in-the-moment decision-making)

When people interact, they’re often unconsciously switching between these ego states. Games happen when there’s a mismatch or hidden motive behind a transaction — for example, someone may act like they want help (Adult to Adult), but are actually seeking to feel victimized (Child to Parent).

Today Michael Webb shares how couples subconsciously participate in these games, especially those dealing with infidelity or addiction and highlights a massively toxic game of "I've Got You Now....."

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Today you'll meet Lauren LaRusso, a well known face on social media and true expert to those looking for hope, healing and new life after the discovery of infidelity.

Lauren holds a bachelor's degree in Psychology and Creative Writing from The College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, MA, and a Masters in Professional Counseling from The University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, PA.

In her years of work as a psychotherapist in private practice, Lauren has helped countless individuals and couples process the extramarital affairs that are impacting their life. Infidelity affected her own life along with the lives of countless others she's cared about. It eventually became a clear path for her mission to help others dealing with the aftermath of infidelity and betrayal.

With her unique lens, she combines valuable lived experience and specialized professional expertise to provide intensive, solution-focused consultation to clients far and wide who are struggling with infidelity. ​She has helped countless individuals transform their life's greatest challenges into opportunities for positive growth and change in her private psychotherapy practice. ​She uses a relational, trauma-informed, and recovery-focused approach to her work with individuals and couples far and wide who are navigating the complex and painful dynamics of marital affairs.

You can find more about Laura and her practice by visiting her website:
https://www.laurenlarusso.com

For more help or information about Sam you can reach out to him personally at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Healing from infidelity is no easy task. Whether a betrayed male or female, the pain can feel as though it has no purpose, no redemption and no light at the end of the tunnel.

Today you'll meet Randall who shares his own story of not only excruciating emotional pain and hurt, but also how he and his wife have found healing, joy and redemption. Randall pulls no punches as he shares insight into what worked for him and what didn't work. What provided clarity and what caused even more hurt pain and confusion.

Ultimately, Randall knew he had to get healthy for him. What followed was a chain of events which is truly compelling to hear how he and his wife have been able to rise from the ashes and not just exist, but find purpose and beauty despite betrayal.

Not every journey ends in restoration. Some marriages make it....some don't.
Some marriages quite honestly, shouldn't be saved and others have every opportunity at new life and new hope if BOTH parties can find and commit to a process that's expert driven.

We make our choices and then our choices make us.

I hope as you listen to Randall, you'll make the choice to get healthy for you and do whatever it takes to heal yourself. You can't change your partner, but you can change you and you can build a life you're proud of once again and that you enjoy living.

To New Hope,

Samuel

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.