Continuing the series on "Psychological Games Couples Play," Michael Webb and I discuss another game within the realm of Psychological Games.

This game is not only deep but usually ingrained within the communication style of one or both parties. It's called "I've Got You Now...."

It's one of the most insidious games couples fall into subconsciously as they seek to heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma. While able to be overcome and eventually diffused, it requires a deeper journey into the mind and trauma, of the unfaithful and betrayed.

Couples who are dealing with this game often times feel as though they are being set up by their partner. It can feel as though their partner is creating what we call a 'double bind' all in an attempt to prove a point that can scorch the earth of the argument. Couples who struggle with this game are not on thin ice, but they do find themselves looking for any sort of way out of the quick sand and today Michael Webb shares exactly that.

Ever find yourself in the same frustrating argument with someone, especially your spouse— even though it starts off innocent and you swear this time it’ll go differently? But somehow, it spirals into a familiar mess?

Psychological games are repetitive patterns of hidden communication people play with each other, often unconsciously. They seem harmless on the surface, but they end with someone feeling hurt, guilty, or angry — just like before.

These games follow a pattern:

A hidden motive or unspoken message
A predictable sequence of interactions
A negative payoff (emotional discomfort or conflict)

They’re not about fun — more like emotional traps that we fall into, often learned in childhood, resulting in confusion, hurt feelings and deep seated resentment.

Transactional Analysis, developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne, is a theory of communication and personality. In TA, our interactions are seen as “transactions” between different parts of ourselves:

👶 Child (emotions, creativity, needs, or rebellion)

👨‍👩‍👧 Parent (rules, judgments, values — often inherited from authority figures)

🧑 Adult (rational, in-the-moment decision-making)

When people interact, they’re often unconsciously switching between these ego states. Games happen when there’s a mismatch or hidden motive behind a transaction — for example, someone may act like they want help (Adult to Adult), but are actually seeking to feel victimized (Child to Parent).

Today Michael Webb shares how couples subconsciously participate in these games, especially those dealing with infidelity or addiction and highlights a massively toxic game of "I've Got You Now....."

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Today you'll meet Lauren LaRusso, a well known face on social media and true expert to those looking for hope, healing and new life after the discovery of infidelity.

Lauren holds a bachelor's degree in Psychology and Creative Writing from The College of the Holy Cross in Worcester, MA, and a Masters in Professional Counseling from The University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, PA.

In her years of work as a psychotherapist in private practice, Lauren has helped countless individuals and couples process the extramarital affairs that are impacting their life. Infidelity affected her own life along with the lives of countless others she's cared about. It eventually became a clear path for her mission to help others dealing with the aftermath of infidelity and betrayal.

With her unique lens, she combines valuable lived experience and specialized professional expertise to provide intensive, solution-focused consultation to clients far and wide who are struggling with infidelity. ​She has helped countless individuals transform their life's greatest challenges into opportunities for positive growth and change in her private psychotherapy practice. ​She uses a relational, trauma-informed, and recovery-focused approach to her work with individuals and couples far and wide who are navigating the complex and painful dynamics of marital affairs.

You can find more about Laura and her practice by visiting her website:
https://www.laurenlarusso.com

For more help or information about Sam you can reach out to him personally at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Healing from infidelity is no easy task. Whether a betrayed male or female, the pain can feel as though it has no purpose, no redemption and no light at the end of the tunnel.

Today you'll meet Randall who shares his own story of not only excruciating emotional pain and hurt, but also how he and his wife have found healing, joy and redemption. Randall pulls no punches as he shares insight into what worked for him and what didn't work. What provided clarity and what caused even more hurt pain and confusion.

Ultimately, Randall knew he had to get healthy for him. What followed was a chain of events which is truly compelling to hear how he and his wife have been able to rise from the ashes and not just exist, but find purpose and beauty despite betrayal.

Not every journey ends in restoration. Some marriages make it....some don't.
Some marriages quite honestly, shouldn't be saved and others have every opportunity at new life and new hope if BOTH parties can find and commit to a process that's expert driven.

We make our choices and then our choices make us.

I hope as you listen to Randall, you'll make the choice to get healthy for you and do whatever it takes to heal yourself. You can't change your partner, but you can change you and you can build a life you're proud of once again and that you enjoy living.

To New Hope,

Samuel

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Continuing the series on "Psychological Games Couples Play," Michael Webb and I discuss another game within the realm of Psychological Games called If It Weren't for You.

Ever find yourself in the same frustrating argument with someone, especially your spouse— even though it starts off innocent and you swear this time it’ll go differently? But somehow, it spirals into a familiar mess?

That’s not just bad luck. You might be stuck in a psychological game.

Psychological games are repetitive patterns of hidden communication people play with each other, often unconsciously. They seem harmless on the surface, but they end with someone feeling hurt, guilty, or angry — just like before.

These games follow a pattern:

A hidden motive or unspoken message
A predictable sequence of interactions
A negative payoff (emotional discomfort or conflict)

They’re not about fun — more like emotional traps that we fall into, often learned in childhood, resulting in confusion, hurt feelings and deep seated resentment.

Transactional Analysis, developed by psychiatrist Eric Berne, is a theory of communication and personality. In TA, our interactions are seen as “transactions” between different parts of ourselves:

👶 Child (emotions, creativity, needs, or rebellion)

👨‍👩‍👧 Parent (rules, judgments, values — often inherited from authority figures)

🧑 Adult (rational, in-the-moment decision-making)

When people interact, they’re often unconsciously switching between these ego states. Games happen when there’s a mismatch or hidden motive behind a transaction — for example, someone may act like they want help (Adult to Adult), but are actually seeking to feel victimized (Child to Parent).

Today Michael Webb shares how couples subconsciously participate in these games, especially those dealing with infidelity or addiction and highlights a massively toxic game of If It Weren't for You.....

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Meet Adam Nisenson, known as the Betrayal Shrink. Adam combines his extensive clinical skills with a deeply empathetic heart in his role as a Betrayal Trauma Coach. Licensed as a Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, Adam is dedicated to guiding men through the complex emotions and challenges of betrayal trauma. He's also the author of A Man's Guide to Partner Betrayal, which is a one of a kind book geared towards betrayed men, hoping to find new life after their partner's infidelity.

His methodology is deeply influenced by his intimate grasp of the trials faced by men confronting a partner’s infidelity. Leveraging his extensive clinical background and personal insights of being a betrayal partner himself, Adam creates a supportive and understanding environment, where clients are led through their journey of healing with compassion and wisdom.

​
Holding a degree from Pacifica Graduate Institute with a focus on Marriage and Family Therapy, Professional Clinical Counseling, and Depth Psychology, Adam has committed his career to addressing critical issues such as betrayal, infidelity, sex addiction, and the myriad life challenges that accompany them. With Adam, the journey is not just about recovery; it’s about embarking on a path of profound personal growth and rediscovery.

You can find more about Adam here: https://www.betrayalshrink.com/

See you next time,

Sam

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.

Today you'll meet a friend of mine, Kevin who shares his own journey with infidelity as a betrayed male and Autism.

Autism, or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects how a person perceives the world and interacts with others. It’s called a “spectrum” because it includes a wide range of characteristics and levels of support needs, from mild to significant.

Key Features of Autism:

• Social communication difficulties: Challenges with understanding and using verbal and nonverbal language, such as tone of voice, facial expressions, or gestures.
• Repetitive behaviors and routines: Repeating movements (like hand-flapping), phrases, or having strict routines and resistance to change.
• Intense interests: Deep focus on specific topics or activities, sometimes to the exclusion of others.
• Sensory sensitivities: Over- or under-sensitivity to lights, sounds, textures, smells, or pain.

Other Points:

• Autism is not a disease and doesn't need to be "cured" — it's a difference in brain wiring.
• It can be diagnosed in early childhood, but some people aren’t diagnosed until adolescence or adulthood.
• Some autistic individuals need significant daily support, while others live independently and may even see their autism as a key part of their identity.
• Autism can affect how a person processes and heals from infidelity in several unique ways, largely because of differences in emotional regulation, communication, trust, and social cognition. Here’s how it might impact the healing process:

1. Difficulty with Emotional Processing
Autistic individuals may experience emotions very deeply but struggle to express or interpret them — both in themselves and others. This can make processing betrayal more overwhelming or confusing:

They might ruminate on the event more intensely or for longer.

Emotional pain might show up as shutdowns, meltdowns, or withdrawal rather than verbal expression.

2. Struggles with Change and Uncertainty
Infidelity introduces chaos and unpredictability into a relationship, which can be especially difficult for someone on the spectrum:

Many autistic people rely on routine, predictability, and structure to feel safe. The loss of emotional security can feel destabilizing.

Rebuilding trust may be slower, as they may not "move on" in the same way neurotypical people might.

3. Literal Thinking and Trust
Autistic people often think in black-and-white terms, which can make infidelity feel like an irreparable breach:

Trust, once broken, might not feel recoverable.

Concepts like "emotional cheating" or gray areas in relationships can be especially confusing or hurtful.

4. Communication Challenges
Discussing feelings, negotiating boundaries, and engaging in therapy can be more complex:

The autistic partner might have difficulty articulating what they need to feel safe again.

Or they may struggle to understand or validate their partner’s perspective if it's not clearly communicated.

5. Social Naivety or Misreading Cues
Some autistic individuals may be more socially naive or miss subtle signs of trouble in a relationship, so discovering infidelity can come as a greater shock.

Today John Lee joins me to discuss how enmeshment shows up in the life of the unfaithful partner as they wrestle to find freedom from shame and emotional immaturity. You'll find John's humor and straight forward nature to not only be a breath of fresh air, but validating for the betrayed partner and liberating for the unfaithful. We roam free today discussing how safety is an inside job for both partners, while also helping to pinpoint areas the unfaithful can show themselves strong for both their own healing as well as their partner's. While the concept of regression is a cornerstone in healing from infidelity and addiction, John also shares pinpoint insight into how to break free from both destructive and paralyzing patterns that sabotage the entire recovery process.

John Lee, best-selling author of The Flying Boy: Healing the Wounded Man, has written twenty-five books, including his latest release, Odd One Out: Radical Revelations on Relationships, Self-Help, and Personal Growth.

John’s highly innovative work in the fields of emotional intelligence, anger management and emotional regression has made him an in-demand consultant, teacher, trainer, coach and speaker. His contributions in the fields of recovery, relationships, men’s issues, spirituality, parenting and creativity have put him in the national spotlight for over twenty years.

He has been featured on Oprah, 20/20, Barbara Walter’s, The View, CNN, PBS, and NPR. He has been interviewed by Newsweek, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, and dozens of other national and international magazines and radio talk shows.

John Lee has consulted and trained prestigious institutions in the clinical environment including The Betty Ford Clinic, Guy’s Hospital (London, England), The New York Open Center, The Hanley Center (West Palm Beach, FL), South Pacific Hospital (Sydney, Australia), and Mountain Area Health and Education Center (North Carolina), and numerous others.

John’s work in recovery, codependency, and adult children has positioned him as a leader in the field of addiction.

His unique approach to anger management has not only been embraced by the therapeutic community, but by the corporate sector and the general public. His non-traditional approach has been taught worldwide with great success. His Austin and Mentone Intensives have attracted highly-motivated clients who want more one-on-one time than the usual fifty-minute hour can provide.

John’s work with men’s issues has positioned him as one of the leaders and early pioneers of the men’s movement. His Mentone, Alabama Men’s Conference (co-hosted with Robert Bly) ran for 16 years and drew participants from around the world.

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Sam’s Healing Podcast is brought to you by one of infidelity recovery’s most prominent and gifted influencers and YouTuber. For 15 years, Samuel has been online as one of the the leading spokespersons for healing and recovery of both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. After more than a decade of blogging and filming under one of the betrayal trauma’s founding fathers, famed clinician Rick Reynolds of affairrecovery.com, Sam has ventured out to pursue, create and live out his lifelong vision and passion for healing those touched by the trauma of infidelity. Through his new podcast and YouTube channel Samuel will continue to bring his own personal experiences with infidelity recovery along with delivering the most current and up-to-date clinical wisdom and healing modalities for recovery after an affair. Sam will also be expanding into the other critical areas of developing healthy relationships such as emotional and sexual connection, the impact of childhood sexual abuse and dysfunctional patterns of relating on marital intimacy, problematic communication patterns, complex, attachment and intergenerational trauma, compulsive sexual behavior, boundaries and the importance of inner-child healing work. Reach out to contact Samuel for personal coaching sessions at samshealingpodcast@gmail.com.