• Stop Editing Yourself: The Real Cost of Playing By Invisible Rules

  • 2025/04/17
  • 再生時間： 22 分
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Stop Editing Yourself: The Real Cost of Playing By Invisible Rules

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  • Ever catch yourself rewriting an email 12 times? Avoiding coming across as “too much” at the dinner table? Not because you are being polite but because you are avoiding other people’s reactions—that’s your nervous system following an invisible rulebook you never agreed to, written by someone else - and you have been conditioned over time to stick to it. In this episode, Dr. Charlie Hornes unpacks the silent systems that train high-achieving women to self-edit, self-silence, and stay small. From workplace conditioning to inherited social and family scripts, you’ll uncover the real reason behind decision fatigue, emotional burnout, and imposter syndrome—and how to rewrite it all. This episode covers: ✔ Why self-silencing feels “safer”—and how to undo that wiring. ✔ The difference between professionalism and performance ✔ A new 4-step framework to stop not taking up space and start showing up as you ✔ The questions that reveal which rules you’re still unconsciously following Ready to stop performing and start leading with real authority? Let’s go. ⁉️ Top Questions Answered ✔ What is the invisible rulebook, and how does it show up in high-achieving women? ✔ How can I stop editing myself to make others comfortable? ✔ What is the connection between trauma, people-pleasing, and over-editing? ✔ How do you rewire the brain to build real confidence, not performative polish? ✔ What is the difference between politeness and internalized survival strategies? ✔ Why do women feel emotionally exhausted at work—even when they’re “successful”? ✔ What is fawn-based communication, and how do you break free from it? 📌 Key Takeaways ✔ Self-silencing is a learned safety behavior—not a personality trait. ✔ Your nervous system has been conditioned to see conflict as danger. ✔ Polishing everything to death isn’t professionalism—it’s hypervigilance. ✔ Most of the “rules” you follow were never yours to begin with. ✔ You’re not too much—you’re too smart to keep playing small. ✔ Confidence isn’t about being loud—it’s about being congruent. ✔ The 4-part framework (Feel → Interrupt → Speak → Anchor) rewires self-silencing patterns. Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – The invisible rulebook most women don’t even know they’re following 03:30 – How women were taught to self-monitor, self-edit, and play small 05:18 – The neuroscience of self-silencing and generational trauma 08:27 – Why we mistake fear for maturity and how it drains our power 10:20 – Authenticity vs. editing: what’s appropriate vs. what’s conditioning 13:22 – What you call “thinking” is actually hypervigilance 14:49 – The new rulebook: 4 steps to override the internal rule-following script 16:39 – Interrupting the perfectionism cycle and reclaiming self-trust 18:58 – These “rules” were written for women—not by them 20:37 – How BetterHelp and coaching can support your confidence journey 22:00 – Final encouragement: you're not too much—you're just not meant to shrink 🔗 Resources & Next Steps The FREE Confidence Code Masterclass → https://charliehornescoaching.com/masterclass/offer Join the VIP Vault Membership for Monthly Masterclasses → https://charliehornescoaching.com/vipvault Subscribe for latest updates and new of new episodes and Masterclass drops: https://charliehornescoaching.com/subscribe Related Episodes: The Real Reason You Don’t Trust Yourself (And How to Rebuild It)| Betterhelp Sponsored | E42 → https://youtu.be/5vKV8e6XzFkWhy High-Achieving Women Don’t Ask for Help (Until It's Too Late) | BetterHelp Sponsored | E37 → https://youtu.be/fOxpwdqOh3MSuccess Isn't About Talent: It's About This ONE Skill - Doing Hard Things Pt 1 | E40 →https://youtu.be/pWeJ-cgZkIc Partner Resource: BetterHelp Online Therapy 10% off with my affiliate link. Use this and give online therapy a try→ http://betterhelp.com/artof 🎧Listen & Watch Now: Listen on Apple Podcasts → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-art-of-managing-your-brain-science-backed-mindshift-tools-for-women/id1750638594 Watch the Full Episodes on YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@charliehornescoaching/podcasts
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あらすじ・解説

Ever catch yourself rewriting an email 12 times? Avoiding coming across as “too much” at the dinner table? Not because you are being polite but because you are avoiding other people’s reactions—that’s your nervous system following an invisible rulebook you never agreed to, written by someone else - and you have been conditioned over time to stick to it. In this episode, Dr. Charlie Hornes unpacks the silent systems that train high-achieving women to self-edit, self-silence, and stay small. From workplace conditioning to inherited social and family scripts, you’ll uncover the real reason behind decision fatigue, emotional burnout, and imposter syndrome—and how to rewrite it all. This episode covers: ✔ Why self-silencing feels “safer”—and how to undo that wiring. ✔ The difference between professionalism and performance ✔ A new 4-step framework to stop not taking up space and start showing up as you ✔ The questions that reveal which rules you’re still unconsciously following Ready to stop performing and start leading with real authority? Let’s go. ⁉️ Top Questions Answered ✔ What is the invisible rulebook, and how does it show up in high-achieving women? ✔ How can I stop editing myself to make others comfortable? ✔ What is the connection between trauma, people-pleasing, and over-editing? ✔ How do you rewire the brain to build real confidence, not performative polish? ✔ What is the difference between politeness and internalized survival strategies? ✔ Why do women feel emotionally exhausted at work—even when they’re “successful”? ✔ What is fawn-based communication, and how do you break free from it? 📌 Key Takeaways ✔ Self-silencing is a learned safety behavior—not a personality trait. ✔ Your nervous system has been conditioned to see conflict as danger. ✔ Polishing everything to death isn’t professionalism—it’s hypervigilance. ✔ Most of the “rules” you follow were never yours to begin with. ✔ You’re not too much—you’re too smart to keep playing small. ✔ Confidence isn’t about being loud—it’s about being congruent. ✔ The 4-part framework (Feel → Interrupt → Speak → Anchor) rewires self-silencing patterns. Chapter Timestamps 00:00 – The invisible rulebook most women don’t even know they’re following 03:30 – How women were taught to self-monitor, self-edit, and play small 05:18 – The neuroscience of self-silencing and generational trauma 08:27 – Why we mistake fear for maturity and how it drains our power 10:20 – Authenticity vs. editing: what’s appropriate vs. what’s conditioning 13:22 – What you call “thinking” is actually hypervigilance 14:49 – The new rulebook: 4 steps to override the internal rule-following script 16:39 – Interrupting the perfectionism cycle and reclaiming self-trust 18:58 – These “rules” were written for women—not by them 20:37 – How BetterHelp and coaching can support your confidence journey 22:00 – Final encouragement: you're not too much—you're just not meant to shrink 🔗 Resources & Next Steps The FREE Confidence Code Masterclass → https://charliehornescoaching.com/masterclass/offer Join the VIP Vault Membership for Monthly Masterclasses → https://charliehornescoaching.com/vipvault Subscribe for latest updates and new of new episodes and Masterclass drops: https://charliehornescoaching.com/subscribe Related Episodes: The Real Reason You Don’t Trust Yourself (And How to Rebuild It)| Betterhelp Sponsored | E42 → https://youtu.be/5vKV8e6XzFkWhy High-Achieving Women Don’t Ask for Help (Until It's Too Late) | BetterHelp Sponsored | E37 → https://youtu.be/fOxpwdqOh3MSuccess Isn't About Talent: It's About This ONE Skill - Doing Hard Things Pt 1 | E40 →https://youtu.be/pWeJ-cgZkIc Partner Resource: BetterHelp Online Therapy 10% off with my affiliate link. Use this and give online therapy a try→ http://betterhelp.com/artof 🎧Listen & Watch Now: Listen on Apple Podcasts → https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-art-of-managing-your-brain-science-backed-mindshift-tools-for-women/id1750638594 Watch the Full Episodes on YouTube → https://www.youtube.com/@charliehornescoaching/podcasts
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