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What do you get when three degenerates dig up cringey home videos, debate astronaut nut trajectories, and confess to hoarding junk like emotional support USB cables? Pure, unfiltered chaos—welcome to The Funky Panther.

Javier stumbles upon a camcorder from his hormone-riddled youth and unleashes footage so humiliating it should be classified under the Geneva Convention. Naturally, this spirals into a confessional about the crap we cling to for no reason—shoeboxes, old tech, and probably some repressed trauma. Oh, and let’s not forget the cursed GoPro currently marinating in Lake Texoma that allegedly holds footage too spicy for YouTube.

Then it gets weirder. The guys dive into NASA’s recent astronaut rescue, but instead of celebrating science, they spiral into a fever dream of surviving space madness armed only with early-2000s music videos and a questionable Wi-Fi signal. And yes, we go there: bodily fluids in zero gravity. Spoiler alert—it's not as poetic as Interstellar.

Things heat up when the crew debates whether paying $500 to breathe the same air as a celebrity is dumb or dangerously horny. Plus, they test their sanity with “AI or Insane Person?”—because in 2025, your toaster might be smarter (and sassier) than your last Tinder date.

Is talking to your dog cute, or are we just one step away from marrying Alexa? Find out in this gloriously unhinged episode full of hot takes, cold regrets, and existential dread wrapped in a tortilla of dark humor.

#SpaceJizz #CringeCore #AIvsPsycho #FunkyPantherUnleashed #LostFootage #DigitalDumpsterDive

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We've all been there—stomach rumbling, cold sweat forming, and no bathroom in sight. In this episode, we expose our most humiliating, panic-inducing bathroom disasters that will make you grateful for every flushable toilet you've ever encountered. From desperate public dump decisions to fully-naked survival tactics, this is the episode you never knew you needed.

Then, we take a hard left into insanity with the "Brown Note" conspiracy—a sound frequency rumored to make you lose total bowel control. Is it real? Has the military secretly tested it as a weapon? And more importantly, could we use it for evil?

Also in this episode:

• Chad’s Olympic-level ladder-climbing obsession (because why not?)
• Tim’s post-dental drugged-up adventure at Trader Joe’s (bad decisions were made)
• Javier infiltrates the Fort Worth music scene (or does he?)
• Kanye West’s latest Nazi-inspired fashion disaster (yep, he’s still talking)
• Local legend Abraham Alexander gets screwed at the Oscars (Hollywood hates Texas)
• Florida Man swallows $769K in stolen jewelry (because of course he does)

Five years and 193 episodes later, we’re still serving up zero-filter, unhinged conversations that you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you’re a die-hard fan or a first-time listener, welcome to the wildest corner of the internet.

#PublicPoopHorrors #BrownNoteWeapon #KanyeWest #OscarsAreRigged #FloridaManMadness

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The unthinkable has happened—Luka Dončić has been snatched from the Dallas Mavericks and shipped off to the Lakers, leaving us spiraling into a full-blown existential crisis. But was this just another ruthless NBA business move, or is Mark Cuban playing 4D chess to tank the franchise and relocate to Vegas? The conspiracy theories are flying faster than trade rumors, and we’re here to break it all down—mock funerals, fan meltdowns, and all.

As we wrestle with whether to abandon our beloved Mavs for the Celtics (traitorous, we know), a pregnant stray cat crashes our recording session—because apparently, even animals can sense Dallas’s pain. Meanwhile, airline chaos has us questioning if flying is even worth it anymore. Delta flights flipping? Mid-air collisions? Maybe we should all just stay home.

Oh, and we’re celebrating five years of The Funky Panther! From surviving the pandemic to interviewing a friend who was wrongfully jailed and extradited, we've seen some wild times. Tune in for a raw, hilarious, and slightly unhinged discussion on sports heartbreak, travel paranoia, and the madness of modern life. Hit us up @TheFunkyPanther and let’s commiserate.

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Is your beer stash a sexy investment or just a fridge full of overpriced regrets? We pop open some aged Goose Island Bourbon County Stout to see if beer collecting is a high-class hobby or just a bougie way to justify borderline alcoholism. Jesse’s decluttering tips hit harder than a morning hangover, sparking a debate about what’s worth saving and what needs to be chugged before it goes bad—just like your dreams.

Then, we dive deep into a cowboy kink phase no one asked for. Can you pull off a ten-gallon hat without looking like you cosplay Yellowstone? Probably not, but watching us try is worth it. Somewhere between fashion faux pas and midlife crises, we discover that “hat guy” energy is a slippery slope.

Our weekend recap? Absolute carnage. A near fistfight at a Liverpool-Man United match, a shoegaze meltdown at Tulips, and a bouncer who went from menace to bestie in the span of a mosh pit. Add a potential TikTok ban, new apps designed to steal your soul (looking at you, “Red Note” and “Lemonade”), and the unsettling rise of AI bots that want your face, your job, and possibly your spouse.

If that’s not enough chaos, we roast streaming prices, debate nuclear fission vs. fusion (because we’re fancy like that), and make bold Super Bowl predictions that will probably age like milk. Welcome to 2025—messy, ridiculous, and barely held together by memes and bourbon barrel-aged stout.

#BeerPorn #CowboyKink #AIChaos #TikTokBan #StreamingScam #WTF2025

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$350 champagne with a greasy burger? That’s the kind of culinary anarchy we’re bringing to Episode 190 of The Funky Panther. Mikey finally resurfaces after three years of hiding—probably avoiding our calls—and we’re diving face-first into Fort Worth’s wine scene. Magnolia Wine Bar, 61 Osteria, Bowie House… yeah, we’re basically sommeliers now, except we pair everything with fries. Oh, and did we mention our AI Christmas album? It’s either a masterpiece or a cry for help—jury’s still out.

This episode’s a beautiful dumpster fire of chaos: slap bets, wild bouncer stories, a musician who writes literal poop songs, and our half-baked plan to charm every “Jimmy” in late-night TV into putting us on their shows. We’re also debating natural wine fermentation (spoiler: it’s fancy rot) and dreaming about distilleries because clearly, we don’t drink enough.

As we kick 2024 to the curb, we’re celebrating weddings, Navy dropouts, and career overhauls—all with the kind of reckless humor you’ve come to love (or tolerate). So, grab a drink—or five—and let’s send this trashfire of a year off with the laughter, insanity, and questionable life choices it deserves.

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What if your cowboy hat wasn’t just a fashion flex but a gateway to your final form? This week, The Funky Panther goes full identity crisis, morphing from smooth-talking Charlie Crockett to full-throttle Tiger King insanity. It’s less "saddle up" and more "unhinge completely." We also crack open the cursed tomb of The Guy Game (yes, that sleazy relic) and roast the depravity of the “Girls Gone Wild” era. Spoiler: Some ‘90s nostalgia should stay buried.

Then it’s off to Texas, where THC gummies are legal (kinda), booze ads are everywhere, and Kratom’s about to get whacked by Big Brother. We’re pulling back the curtain on the lawmakers and holy-rollers trying to legislate your vices like they’ve never sinned before. Spoiler alert: They have. If you’re wondering why weed is still a felony but you can buy tequila at Target, congrats, you’ve cracked the American paradox.

But wait—it gets darker. Somewhere out there, an insurance CEO is very dead under some very suspicious circumstances, and we’re side-eyeing capitalism harder than ever. Corporate America has a body count, and we’re connecting the dots. Greed, power, and “unexplained deaths” tend to walk hand-in-hand, don’t they? Throw in some dental nightmare fuel and a debate on whether to scalp your Texas A&M tickets, and you’ve got a perfect storm of chaos, crime, and capitalism’s rotting core.

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This week, we’re unpacking a travel nightmare where personal space gets tossed out the window, literally. Add in ghost sightings at the infamous Crescent Hotel and TV shows awkwardly sidestepping 9/11, and you’ve got a recipe for unsettling hilarity. Oh, and switching our allegiance from the Dallas Cowboys to Gilmore Girls? Yeah, we went there.

Virtual reality isn’t much better—what’s supposed to be the future of tech feels more like a cesspool of humanity’s worst impulses. It’s giving old-school gaming lobbies but with shinier graphics and just as much chaos. Meanwhile, Eureka Springs delivers haunted hotels and scenic hillsides, proving it’s equal parts charm and creep. And Jamie Kennedy’s comedy show? Let’s just say live performances don’t always go as planned.

We also dive into the gritty reality of local life: Shaq playing DJ like it’s the end of the world, cops popping into our lives at the worst moments, and a breakfast joint that feels like the only stable thing in this mess of a timeline. Between spotlighting artists on Amplify817 and unpacking the ridiculous intersection of privacy and spectacle, this episode doesn’t flinch from the absurd.

Forget neat conclusions or feel-good fluff—this is raw, messy, and real. Haunted hotels, public voyeurism, and existential musings: welcome to The Funky Panther, where laughter and unease go hand in hand. #HauntedAndHungry #VirtualInsanity #TheFunkyPanther

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Think holding hands across America could fix the world's problems? Neither do we—but we’re here to brainstorm anyway. Join The Funky Panther as we dive headfirst into the chaos of race, immigration, and a totally fictional (but hilarious) Mexican car industry. With our signature humor and zero qualifications, we tackle the big stuff, sprinkle in sharp satire, and somehow keep it all entertaining.

But wait, there’s more! Inspired by Adam Sandler’s "Spaceman," we take a hard left into sensory deprivation and the absurdity of floating spas and ultra-silent rooms. Isolated meditation or just a fancy way to lose your mind? You decide.

And because we’re not done being all over the place, we’ll hit you with stories of fondue nights gone wrong, costume parties we barely survived, and Nicole Kidman’s acting (don’t @ us). Toss in critiques of A24 films, homelessness, and the social media dumpster fire, and you’ve got an episode as messy as the world itself. Oh, and there’s a cleaning fairy involved somewhere. You’re welcome.

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