No-one wins every game, every match, every point. Failure is part of the process of winning. It’s an important part because we learn from it. We learn what to do better next time. We learn about choosing other options, being flexible in our thinking, trying another approach. It makes us work harder, strive more.Through failing and working through it, we get stronger, more resilient, but it isn’t easy, especially when you’re young.Many young athletes want to make their parents proud, impress their coach and have their teammates cheer for them and celebrate their triumphs. But doing well to get the approval of others isn’t something we can control. It’s fragile and it can make us vulnerable when that is our aim.Winning isn’t in our control because it depends on others performing less well on the day than you.It can depend on the standard of the competition, the state of the environment – weather, ground, crowd, so many factors beyond our control.Have you heard of the Feedback sandwich?Overall, what went well?What could I have done more of?What could I have done less of?Overall, what was the positive feedback for me?Let’s apply this to your last sports event.This is a bit more like a feedback bap isn’t it?!What went well?What could I have done more and what could I have done less ofOverall, what is the positive feedback for meLet’s learn something about feedback.Who has an ‘inner critic’ who says things like this.“Why do you always do that?”“Why do I never score”“Why is everyone better than me”“No-one passes to me”These are Generalisations and they are never true.The interesting thing about generalisations is actually the exceptions.So write down a generalisation using: always/never, everyone/no-one that you say to yourself.I always …………………………………………….I never………………………………………………Everyone …………………………………………..No-one…………………………………………………..Now change these toSometimes I…………………………………………….Some people……………………………………………Think about those times when that thing did not happen and there you have your ‘model of excellence’.What was ‘the difference that made the difference’ on that occasion? Do this more often!Let’s look at another way we give ourselves feedback. Coaches, teachers, listen up because perhaps you could change the way you give feedback.Deletions are when we delete the detail or the context so for example“That was better”“You didn’t play well today”“That was mean”Ask, how, in what way to get the detail that you can learn from.In order to learn from that feedback we need to know what we did that made the difference so we can do it again.Let me tell you something you may not know. You may sometimes talk about your ‘anxiety’ or ‘anger issue’. These are deletions too. Why? Because they don’t really tell you anything do they? What is missing? The context. You’re not anxious all the time or angry all the time. If this may apply to you, have a go at some of these ways to reframe these deletions to include the context and get more mindset control for your sport.I feel anxious when ………………………………..What worries me is if……………………………………………………………….... makes me anxiousI’m worried about……………………………………I feel angry when………….………………………..…………………………………...makes me angryIf …………………………….……I get really angryNow let’s link these so you can see the connection.I feel angry when……………………………………..and I’m worried that………………………………….So next time you feel angry about something, ask yourself what you were worried about. Then give it a score of 0-10 as to how likely that thing is to happen. If more than 5 do something about it and if less than 5, take some deep breaths and choose to calm down. Control your controllables!Another form of deletion is saying‘I can’t’Again we have deleted the context.When can’t you?Who says?’What if you could?When can you?What ‘can’t’ you do?I can’t…………………………………………………….Now answer those questions above.When can’t you?......................................................Who says this?.........................................................What if you could?...................................................When can you?.........................................................In NLP terms, it is called a modal operator of possibility in that it makes what is possible, impossible in that moment. It is a blocker.What can’t you do in your sport?I can’t…………………………………………………Let me tell you a story.I was training two students...
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