In today’s episode, Nicole Darby presents Tool Time, exploring schema therapy and unpacking BPD’s four dysfunctional modes; The Abandoned Child, Angry Child, Punitive Parent, and Detached Protector, while emphasizing the goal of a balanced Adult Mode. Then, Nicole also discusses the impact of support systems on managing BPD, offering actionable tips for building a community through “BPD Buddies.”

Following Tool Time, immerse yourself and unwind with a Mindful Moment featuring a guided gratitude meditation for self-compassion and inner peace.

Disclaimer: The title of this podcast and its contents are not intended to in any way promote, encourage, or advocate suicide or any form of self-harm. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide and needs support, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Here is the episode breakdown:

In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Tool Time With Nicole Darby)

• 1:07 Intro to Tool Time
• 1:45 Term of The Day: Schema Therapy
• 2:24 BPD’s Four Dysfunctional Modes and Adult Mode
• 3:42 The Abandoned Child Mode
• 4:24 The Angry Child Mode
• 5:04 The Punitive Parent Mode
• 5:49 The Detached Protector Mode
• 6:30 The Goal: Adult Mode
• 6:55 True or False: Support Increases Improvement In Synonyms of BPD
• 7:44 Tool & Techniques: BPD Buddies & Ways for Success

(End of Tool Time With Nicole Darby)

(Beginning of Mindful Moment)

• 10:16 Intro to a Mindful Moment
• 10:44 Beginning of Gratitude Guided Meditation

(End of Mindful Moment)

• 19:27 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 19:50 BPD Daily Mantra
• 20:06 Outro
• 21:23 “I Am” by Beautiful Chorus featuring India.Arie: https://youtu.be/4gUY9QshcVQ?si=U1UVrfBsMprgc6-v

Episode Resources:

• Gratitude Guided Meditation - Female Voice by YaleUniversity: https://on.soundcloud.com/cSAsMux6cCexg5yi7

• Website: https://www.showmegrace.org/

❗Don't miss the special offer from Dr. Gregory Serfer, who is providing a 30% discount on the digital version of his book, “I Am Still Right Here” exclusively for our listeners! Use promo code XA05T3V2K1MMK on the website linked in the episode resources section. ❗

Additionally, 15% of each sale using this code will go to support the “Press Pause” podcast.

• “I Am Still Right Here”: https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Still-Right-Here/dp/B0BNTZBZFT

Connect with the Host:

Nicole Darby: presspause4grace@gmail.com

Credits:

Host and Podcast Producer: Nicole Darby

Music Producer of Podcast’s Intro Music: DJtheIII

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle

In today’s episode, Nicole, along with Dr. Gregory Serfer and Melanie Jones, dives into the true meaning of impulsivity in Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its impact on those affected and their supporters. They explore what impulsivity means for people with BPD (pwBPD), how to differentiate it from ADHD, and whether it can be destructive. Also, they examine theories behind impulsive behavior, discussing how it often manifests in those with BPD and the underlying drivers behind it. They discuss coping mechanisms, the impact on daily functionality, and how impulsivity often affects friends and family. Finally, they highlight how impulsivity connects to many defining traits of BPD, offering insights and support strategies throughout.

Disclaimer: The title of this podcast and its contents are not intended to in any way promote, encourage, or advocate suicide or any form of self-harm. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide and needs support, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Here is the episode breakdown:

Guest:

• Dr. Gregory Serfer: contact@gregoryserfer.com

Book: “I Am Still Right Here”: https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Still-Right-Here/dp/B0BNTZBZFT

• Melanie Jones

Email: emmjay993@yahoo.com

In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Interview)

• 1:07 Beginning Pleasantries with Gregory, Handsome Dan, Melanie, and Nicole
• 3:48 Impulsivity From Mel & Nicole’s Perspective
• 6:30 The True Meaning of Impulsivity and Its Impact on People with BPD (pwBPD)
• 13:48 Theories Behind Impulsivity Behavior Occurs for pwBPD
• 16:19 Clarifying Question: How Do I Know If I Have BPD or ADHD?
• 21:00 Is Impulsivity Destructive? Coping Mechanisms and Masking Impulsivity
• 31:28 Does Different Coping Methods Lead to Low or High Functionality?
• 44:04 How Impulsive Behavior Impacts the Supporting Individuals Around pwBPD
• 48:46 Many Definitive Criteria of BPD Are Connected Through Impulsivity
• 53:09 Mel’s Final Words and Nicole’s Perspective on Impulsivity
• 57:17 Dr.Gregory’s Final Words: The Effect of Alcohol on Impulsivity

(End of Interview)

• 1:02:31 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 1:02:52 BPD Daily Mantra
• 1:03:09 Outro
• 1:04:25 “Little Things” (Remix) by Jorja Smith ft MayDay: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xA9byN3fzks

Episode Resources:

• Website: https://www.showmegrace.org/

Connect with the Host:

Nicole Darby: presspause4grace@gmail.com

Credits:

Host and Podcast Producer: Nicole Darby

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle

In today’s episode, Nicole Darby presents a special “Tool Time” segment, diving into practical mental health tools and strategies for managing BPD and life’s daily stressors. Starting with an introduction to Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT), Nicole explains the key differences between traditional DBT and RO-DBT. She follows this with a series of helpful techniques, to assist you in planning before you go.

After “Tool Time,” Nicole transitions into a relaxing “Mindful Moment,” guiding listeners through a meditation aimed at improving productivity, focus, and prioritization skills. This segment is perfect for those looking to boost mental clarity and feel more grounded throughout the day.

Disclaimer: The title of this podcast and its contents are not intended to in any way promote, encourage, or advocate suicide or any form of self-harm. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide and needs support, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Here is the episode breakdown:

In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Tool Time With Nicole Darby)

• 1:07 Intro to Tool Time
• 1:45 Term of The Day: Radically Open Dialectical Behavior Therapy (RO-DBT)
• 2:42 The Key Differences Between DBT and RO-DBT
• 4:03 Tool & Techniques: Plan Before You Go, Outfit of Armor, Music, Etc
• 7:44 Tool & Techniques: Three, Three, Three Grounding Technique

(End of Tool Time with Nicole Darby)

(Beginning of Mindful Moment)

• 8:30 Intro to a Mindful Moment
• 8:47 Beginning of Meditation To Boost Your Productivity, Focus & Prioritization Skills

(End of Mindful Moment)

• 26:18 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 26:40 BPD Daily Mantra
• 26:57 Outro
• 28:17 “Surely Slowly” by Jill Scott: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gu_zgEKCC1Q

Episode Resources:

• Meditation to Boost Your Productivity, Focus & Prioritization Skills + Hypnosis and Affirmations by Meditable Goal Meditations: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t1JOIOWOld0
• Website: https://www.showmegrace.org/

• Crisis Hotline - Call or Text 988 or Chat At 988lifeline.org

Connect with the Host:

Nicole Darbyl: presspause4grace@gmail.com

Credits:

Host and Podcast Producer: Nicole Darby

Music Producer of Podcast’s Intro Music: DJtheIII

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle

In today’s episode, Nicole sits down with Kim Beavers to discuss all things disability; exploring the challenges, the commitment, and the low success rate that often comes with filing disability claims. Kim shares her journey, starting with what led her down the path of disability and what it takes to qualify for a claim.

She delves into the importance of detailed logs, the role of referrals, and how she managed to balance work and life during the process. They tackle the stigma surrounding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) in disability claims and the lengthy process of approval. Kim offers insight into the impact of Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI), and what needs to change for the government, clinicians, and employers to move beyond traditional evaluations.

Disclaimer: The title of this podcast and its contents are not intended to in any way promote, encourage, or advocate suicide or any form of self-harm. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide and needs support, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Here is the episode breakdown:

Guest:

• Kim Beavers
  • Kim’s Quora: https://www.quora.com/profile/Kimbriana-Beavers

  In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Interview)

• 1:07 Intro to Kim Beavers’ Interview and Beginning Pleasantries
• 3:21 What Leads You to The Path of Disability?
• 7:02 The Success of a Disability Claim
• 7:28 What Does It Take to Qualify?
• 10:10 How Detailed Were You With The Logs for Your Claim?
• 13:04 Who Were Your Referrals for Your Claim?
• 14:54 How Did You Balance Work and Life During This Time?
• 22:22 Medical Stigma at BPD In Disability Claims
• 25:39 How Long Is The Process for Approval?
• 31:35 Limitations on Work and Partial Degree of Disability
• 34:01 How Has The Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) Affected You?
• 38:22 What Needs to Change For The Government, Clinicians, and Employers to Move Beyond From Traditional Evaluations?

(End of Interview)

• 49:10 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 49:32 BPD Daily Mantra
• 49:49 Outro
• 51:07 “Deep End” by Fousheé: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEgilud6tRU

Connect with the Host:

Nicole Darby: presspause4grace@gmail.com

Free BPD Support Resources and Weekly Support Group (Wednesdays): https://www.showmegrace.org

Credits:

Music Producer of Podcast’s Intro Music: DJtheIII

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle

In this episode, Nicole is joined by Dr. Gregory Serfer and Melanie Jones to discuss the stigmatization of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and its impact on personal identity. They delve into how certain words contribute to the stigmatization of BPD. The conversation expands to explore Dissociative Identity Disorder, BPD-related identity disturbances, and whether there’s a connection between self-awareness and a more stable sense of identity. Melanie shares her personal experience with a shifting sense of self, followed by Nicole’s reflections on this idea. The episode wraps up with insights into the conscious and unconscious nature of mirroring behavior, and Dr. Gregory offers some final words of wisdom.

Disclaimer: The title of this podcast and its contents are not intended to in any way promote, encourage, or advocate suicide or any form of self-harm. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide and needs support, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Here is the episode breakdown:

Guest:

• Dr. Gregory Serfer: contact@gregoryserfer.com
• Melanie Jones: emmjay993@yahoo.com

In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Interview)

• 1:07 Beginning Pleasantries with Nicole, Dr, Gregory Serfer, and Melanie Jones
• 3:30 Mel’s Perspective: Do Certain Words Increase The Stigmatization of BPD?
• 7:08 Gregory’s Perspective: Do Certain Words Increase The Stigmatization of BPD?
• 9:30 What Is Dissociative Identity Disorder?
• 13:27 BPD-Related Identity Disturbances
• 16:09 Is There A Link Between BPD-Related Identity Disturbances and Self-Awareness?
• 19:14 Does Developing/Practicing Self-Awareness Help Your Identity Become More Stable?
• 21:58 The Hot Seat: Mel’s Experience With A Shifting Sense of Self
• 28:03 Nicole’s Experience With A Shifting Sense of Self
• 33:36 Is Mirroring Conscious, Self-Conscious, or Both?
• 42:07 Gregory’s Final Words

(End of Interview)

• 52:06 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 52:29 BPD Daily Mantra
• 52:45 Outro
• 54:02 “Who Am I” by Boddhi Satva Feat. Athenai & C.Robert Walker: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iu8PTI-iwpQ

Episode Resources:

• Website: https://www.showmegrace.org/

Credits:

Host and Podcast Producer: Nicole Darby

Music Producer of Podcast’s Intro Music: DJtheIII

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle:

In this episode, Nicole interviews Jenn Reddy, a life coach and story transformer, about how to navigate deep trauma and reshape personal narratives. Jenn offers practical tools like self-check-ins, challenging negative thoughts, and using resources to stay grounded. She shares key questions to ask when facing trauma and emphasizes self-compassion in the healing process. Jenn wraps up with a powerful metaphor of seeing ourselves as resilient trees.

Tune in for wisdom, healing strategies, and an empowering approach to overcoming emotional challenges.

Disclaimer: The title of this podcast and its contents are not intended to in any way promote, encourage, or advocate suicide or any form of self-harm. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide and needs support, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Here is the episode breakdown:

Guest: Jenn Reddy

• Website: https://transformationcoaching.life

In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Interview)

• 1:07 Intro to Jenn Reddy’s Interview
• 2:56 The Process of Being a Story Transformer
• 7:12 What If My Trauma Is Too Deep?
• 12:04 Key Questions to Ask Yourself
• 18:52 Check In: Is It true? What Happens When I Believe This Thought? Who Would I Be Without This Thought?
• 20:07 What Are Some Things You Can Do to Stay the Course
• 27:04 Reliving the Shame, Resources, and Checklist To Tackle the Day
• 32:14 Jenn’s Final Words: See Ourselves as Trees

(End of Interview)

• 37:06 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 37:27 BPD Daily Mantra
• 37:43 Outro
• 39:03 “Healing” by Computer Data: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bi7lK10U18c

Episode Resources:

• Website: https://www.showmegrace.org/

• Crisis Hotline - Call or Text 988 or Chat At 988lifeline.org
• Jenn’s Recommendation: The Work of Bryon Katie: https://thework.com

❗Don't miss the special offer from Dr. Gregory Serfer, who is providing a 30% discount on the digital version of his book, “I Am Still Right Here” exclusively for our listeners! Use promo code XA05T3V2K1MMK on the website linked in the episode resources section. ❗

Additionally, 15% of each sale using this code will go to support the “Press Pause” podcast.

• “I Am Still Right Here”: https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Still-Right-Here/dp/B0BNTZBZFT

Connect with the Host:

Nicole Darby: presspause4grace@gmail.com

Credits:

Host and Podcast Producer: Nicole Darby

Music Producer of Podcast’s Intro Music: DJtheIII

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle

In today’s episode, Nicole has an insightful conversation with author Emi Nietfeld about her journey, mental health advocacy, and her book Acceptance. She shares her experience living with mental health challenges, including having features of BPD, discussing how labels impacted her work and recovery. We also explore her thoughts on mental health tools, societal shame, and the changes needed for greater acceptance of mental health struggles.

Disclaimer: The title of this podcast and its contents are not intended to in any way promote, encourage, or advocate suicide or any form of self-harm. If you or someone you know is contemplating suicide and needs support, please call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.

Here is the episode breakdown:

Guest:

• Emi Nietfeld

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eminietfeld/

Substack: https://substack.com/@eminietfeld

Book: “Acceptance”: https://tr.ee/ajpdA_8hZb (provides all links)

Website: https://www.eminietfeld.com

Linktree: https://linktr.ee/eminietfeld

In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Interview)

• 1:07 Intro to Emi Nietfeld’s Interview
• 1:32 Beginning Pleasantries and Emma's Introduction
• 3:06 Emily's Journey and Her Motivation for Her Book
• 5:20 Did You Have Any Advocates For Mental Health at That Time?
• 7:09 Were You Open to The Recovery Process? (Tools, Medication, etc)
• 11:07 Emi’s Experience with Features of BPD
• 14:54 How Did The Labels Affect Your Work Environment?
• 18:43 Where Are You Now In Your Journey?
• 23:57 Emi’s Perspective: What Needs To Change For Acceptance and Decrease Shame In Society?
• 27:44 Emi’s Final Words

(End of Interview)

• 28:33 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 28:55 BPD Daily Mantra
• 29:12 Outro
• 30:29 “Acceptance” by Synkro: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_dNht9Zr0CE

Episode Resources:

• Website: https://www.showmegrace.org/
• ❗Don't miss the special offer from Dr. Gregory Serfer, who is providing a 30% discount on the digital version of his book, “I Am Still Right Here” exclusively for our listeners! Use promo code XA05T3V2K1MMK on the website linked in the episode resources section. ❗

Additionally, 15% of each sale using this code will go to support the “Press Pause” podcast.

• “I Am Still Right Here”: https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Still-Right-Here/dp/B0BNTZBZFT

Credits:

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Production & Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle

In today’s episode, we explore and break down idealization and devaluation. Our co-hosts, Melanie Jones and Dr. Gregory Serfer, offer their perspectives on both sides of the coin, followed by insights into how these patterns affect relationships. Dr. Serfer examines their connection, causes, and presence in other mental health conditions.

Here is the episode breakdown:

Guest:

• Dr. Gregory Serfer: contact@gregoryserfer.com

Book: “I Am Still Right Here”: https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Still-Right-Here/dp/B0BNTZBZFT

Quora: https://www.quora.com/profile/Gregory-Serfer

• Melanie Jones: emmjay993@yahoo.com

In this episode, you will hear:

• 0:00 Intro

(Beginning of Interview)

• 1:07 Mel’s Perspective: Idealization and Devaluation
• 4:32 Nicole’s Opening Statement and Beginning Pleasantries
• 5:49 A Breakdown of Idealization (and Idolization)
• 12:52 A Breakdown of Devaluation
• 18:48 Dr. Serfer’s Personal Perspective on Devaluation
• 24:05 Devaluation in Relationships (Parental, Platonic, Romantic, etc)
• 33:06 Idealization and Devaluation In Other Mental Conditions
• 34:14 Causes of Devaluation a.k.a Down the Rabbit Hole
• 36:04 Does Devaluation Interconnect with Idealization?
• 38:35 Trusting Your Gut During Idealization
• 44:38 The Extremes of Idealization and Devaluation
• 49:32 Preservation of Your Mental Health Through Discarding
• 52:48 How Permanent Is the Discard and Split?
• 56:10 Dissociation During A Split or Discard
• 1:03:29 Dr. Serfer’s and Mel’s Final Words
• 1:06:16 Meaning Behind the Term, BPD (continued)

(End of Interview)

• 1:13:38 Nicole’s Closing Statement
• 1:14:00 BPD Daily Mantra
• 1:14:17 Outro
• 1:15:37 “When I’m In Your Arms” by Cleo Sol: https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=hp0KiJs0S5g

Episode Resources:

• Website: https://www.showmegrace.org/
• ❗Don't miss the special offer from Dr. Gregory Serfer, who is providing a 30% discount on the digital version of his book, “I Am Still Right Here” exclusively for our listeners! Use promo code XA05T3V2K1MMK on the website linked in the episode resources section. ❗

Additionally, 15% of each sale using this code will go to support the “Press Pause” podcast.

• “I Am Still Right Here”: https://www.amazon.com/I-Am-Still-Right-Here/dp/B0BNTZBZFT

Credits:

Hosts: Nicole Darby, Dr.Gregory Serfer, Melanie Jones, and Handsome Dan

Sound Engineer: Stefan Mitroi

Research Team: Nicole Darby & Tamar Brignolle